Crystal K
  • Female
  • Honolulu, HI
  • United States
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  • BLUEBELL

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Latest Activity

Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks Brett. I try to tell myself that it wasnt my fault. All th time. But I think the only person that can convince me is my mom. I beg for her forgiveness all the time and how I wish that she could respond back. "
Dec 8
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I teared up reading your posts. I understand how you feel. . I have been my mom’s caretaker for the past three years, , although not a very good one. Took her to every appointment, made every phone call, memorized her medication- it…"
Dec 8
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa I send my love and prayers to you. This is such a difficult month. I have cried myself to sleep the past week and noone sems to know. We are both suffering in silence. I have back pain, im always sleepy and tired. Our bodies know that we are…"
Dec 7
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bailey My heart goes to you. I feel the same way my family keeps talking about christmas plans and I just stay quiet cause I am not planning on celebrating xmas this year... its been a hard few days.. the guilt of my mom’s death is coming…"
Dec 6
Joy and Crystal K are now friends
Dec 5
Crystal K and BLUEBELL are now friends
Dec 5
Crystal K updated their profile
Dec 5
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, yes my mom took a big part of me when she died.  Brett, I know how you feel about being sad all the time. That is why I avoid a lot of my friends now. Because I don't want to pretend to be happy or to be having fun and I…"
Dec 4
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Does anyone feel so alone at times? I feel like with the holidays approaching, its more evident how alone I am. I have alwaysbeen very independent, so I always assumed I would be ok if my mom would ever die. Now, its like my strength to do anything…"
Dec 4
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, It breaks my heart when I see others that still have their prents ehenever I see grandparents with their grandchildren, its like a stab to my heart because my nieces were my mom’s heart and soul... i feel petty and cheated and i hate…"
Dec 1
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Oh Theresa, I feel your pain.  In a way I am thankful that I got to say goodbye, although she was on a breathing ventilator and could not talk for the last few hours of her life.  I kick myself for not comforting her while she was still…"
Dec 1
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you all for the kind words.  Bluebell and Brett I completely agree about how the loss wears us down.  I have lost so many people in my life and losing my mom was the icing on the cake, if you will.  It has changed me so much, I…"
Nov 30
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I thought I was doing well the past month, but this week has been so hard it feels like the first few weeks after I lost my mom allover again, crying in bed at night, the feelings of guilt, the what ifs.. I thought I was getting past this but i…"
Nov 30
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Survived Thanksgiving. Didn't celebrate cause that would've been too hard.  Dreamt of my mom last night though. Remember feeling so happy to see her alive. Then I woke up so disappointed that it was just a dream.  Still…"
Nov 27
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Let us all get through the next day and next few weeks... Been replaying videos of my mom all day.. miss her so much. First xmas without her, cant even bear to think about it."
Nov 23
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi guys, first of all condolences to you Bailey. The next few weeks will be a blur for you. And I am praying that you make it through them..Just remember, talk through it.  Having someone to talk to made it much more bearable for me. Its…"
Nov 21

Profile Information

About my Loss:
I lost the most important person to me 10 days after my 25th birthday- my mom. Still dealing with all the emotions that come with such a significant loss. Its hard, very hard. Life feels empty. I don't enjoy much anymore. Any joy I have is overcast with a dark cloud of sadness. I'm angry, and sad. I have lost others but nothing could prepare me for this.
Now I don't know what the word is to describe the amount of pain and abandonment I feel from losing my mom. Feel like I don't have anyone to rely on. Never was close to my dad. Sisters moved out 10 years ago so although I love them, I am not very close as I once was.

If it was possible I would exchange places with her in a heartbeat, not because of how painful it is- but so she could've lived longer and enjoyed her grandchildren (my sister's kids). She was such a selfless mother, grandmother, sister, caretaker- that she did not deserve to go out the way she did.

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 9:33pm on October 9, 2017, Bryan Kelly Reeves said…

just your story, why your are here, what you battle (anger, fear, etc)

At 5:16pm on October 9, 2017, Bryan Kelly Reeves said…

Id love yo exchange stories sometime. Also Im working on a project for my masters degree and need to have contact with 5 people and ask them a few questions.

At 7:23pm on September 20, 2017, Joy said…

Crystal, like you, I talk to my mom daily. Whether she can hear me is unknown. I do believe God hears me, so I ask him to tell my mom how much I love her, miss her and wish I could see her to give her a hug. I'd give up everything I own to see her again

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Peggy left a comment for Aaron Hoenig
"I'm so very sorry for your loss Aaron.  I lost my husband to cancer as well.  He died in August 2015.  It's early days right now and I hope you are feeling well supported by your family and friends.  Should you ever…"
2 hours ago
Alice Thompson left a comment for nat
"Dear Nat, I’m so very sorry you had to lose your beloved husband. I wish you strength and comfort as you make your way through these early days and nights. There are many kind souls on this site who know about deep pain, and I recommend…"
7 hours ago
Profile IconKar-Kate Leung, nat, Ambreen and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
9 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My brother called me the other day and he said are you ok? There is a twenty year age difference between us, so we are not that close and he lives five hours away. I said to him, yes I though you would…"
12 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Another bad day. I was shopping for Christmas cards and gift bags when without warning, I broke down in tears at the register. Thank goodness the cashier was a sensitive caring person and did not just blow me off. She said "Your Mom will always…"
14 hours ago
Stephanie Coyle joined Courtney Adams's group
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22 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda and Morgan. It just hurts so much for all of us."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"((((((morgan))))))"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul, Each of us have memories of a time and day of the death of our beloved.  Mine just happened to come at a time of the year when normally the excesses of celebrating kick into high gear.  Not better not worse than anyone else's…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda for posting that.   "
yesterday
Peggy left a comment for Dawn W
"Hi Dawn, I saw your posts and wanted to introduce myself.  I'm also in Canada, in Ontario.  I lost my husband suddenly in 2015.  He had cancer but had been given 3 to 5 years and was gone in 8 weeks.  If you'd like to…"
Thursday
kim posted a status
"my beautiful son, its x mas again, ill be with you soon I promise, I love you forever mom"
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I am so sorry, I know you holidays will never be the same again, we just make the best of it. "
Thursday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same. My love had a comprehensive stroke on 22 December, and died in hospital at 10pm on New Years Eve. Then I went “home” in a taxi amid fireworks."
Thursday
Profile IconAnn Appa, Alison Eley, Hannah and 3 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Paul, I feel exactly like you do, I wish I could sleep the holidays away, I find no joy in them, it's just another day I am being tortured."
Thursday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, As hard as it is for the rest of us to endure the upcoming holidays it must be at least doubly difficult for you given the circumstances your husband and you were dealt with.  To everyone here who has put up with this hell for multiple…"
Thursday
Maxey is now friends with Cheyenne Steffen and Pamela philipp
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul,  In particular this time of the year everyone who hasn't lost their love is celebrating.  I used to be one of them. Then one day a long time ago, I took my sick husband to the hospital Xmas Eve day and found out the day after…"
Thursday

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