Courtney Boyke
  • Female
  • Cheyenne, WY
  • United States
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About Me:
I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful girls, 2 are mine by blood the 3rd is my step daughter. I have 2 dogs and I love to workout and be outside. Love being with my family.
About my Loss:
My grandmother(was more like my mom) was the healthiest 70 year old I have known, Didn't take medication on a regular biases she took vitamins for almost everything and ate very well. She traveled, Hunted and gardened. She didn't act her age she acted like she was in her 20's and looked like she was in her 40's. About a year maybe year and 1/2 ago we found out she had a heart arrhythmia and she had surgery for an ablation, everything went well and was going great afterword. After taking a British ails trip she came home very tired (kind of expected) she still went about doing everything normal but with a slag. couple weeks after her trip she went to take a bath after being out in the garden all day. I thought it had been to long for normal bath went to check on her and had found her unconscious face in the water. trained as a CNA I had pulled her out and started CPR until the EMT's showed. I know I was trained for this but the entire time I kept telling the dispatcher to just keep coaching me to keep me focused and it helped. My husband had helped me call 911 and my kids were in the other room watching a movie and had herd everything they hadn't seen but I was so worried they had. I have had nothing but flashbacks, Nightmares and a lot of nights its harder to even lay down for bed. Eating is a new chore on my list for doing everyday.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
I am a CNA.

Not Sure whats going on

I'm not really sure if this is in my head or if they are truly acting this way. I live in my grandmothers house (That's another story). When my aunt and uncle came over the last couple times to go throw my grandmothers things to separate they both seamed to act like i was the problem and i didn't want to look at me or even really speak to me. when they did speak to be it was more like i had done something to make them upset. they have also treated me as if i am just clamming everything of hers to be mine and they must remove anything without asking anyone anymore because i might sell it or i don't know. I am not one to sell things or do anything out of line so i am not sure as to what is going on. i know this is there mothers home and stuff i have no intention on just taking, i have been very calm and reasonable when it comes to separating her things between everyone. I wouldn't do anything like that and my grandmother knew that as well. but again i cant tell if I'm just overreacting and making things up in my head or if they really have a grudge against me with everything that has happened. To be honest it feels like they think i had something to do with her passing away.

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Latest Activity

Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lisa Everything you said is right I also had to go on something for anxiety of course I wouldn’t take the proper dose because I was afraid it helped a bit but I’m still having anxiety and yes I’m learning to live as hard as it is…"
44 minutes ago
Lisa Green commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Brett. I took Abby to see Dad last Saturday and it was such a nice reunion. He was not as excited as I thought he would be but that's ok. Abby sat right beside dad the whole time and dad rubbed her head and talked to her some. He…"
1 hour ago
Sopa Brown posted a status
"I look to you, it's where my help comes from. Thank you Lord for your lovingkindness and fathfullness."
2 hours ago
Sopa Brown posted a status
"Dear Lord, give me the grace and strength to carry on. Amen."
2 hours ago
Sopa Brown posted a status
"My heart is broken. A part of me has died. My eyes swell up with tears. This too shall past."
2 hours ago
Sopa Brown posted a status
"I have the hope of expectation of seeing him again on the new earth as it is in heaven."
2 hours ago
Sopa Brown posted a status
"My son's birthday just past. He would have been 27 years young. Now, he's been gone for 2years."
2 hours ago
Jarvis updated their profile
4 hours ago
Profile IconJen Mana, Yana, Kathy coleman and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
4 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I hope you are handling everything as well as can be, that is my fear losing my dog, he is my strength But hopefully time will heal. It is coming up on two years for both of us, I'm still heartbroken, people just dont' understand…"
5 hours ago
Maxey left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"Hi, Cheyenne, I am so sorry for your loss. I will face this Saturday with dread as it is the second year of my husband's death. I think in the beginning, you feel a sort of numbness, you cannot believe this is real. As time goes by, you realize…"
11 hours ago
morgan left a comment for Cheyenne Steffen
"I always read the circumstances of those who have just joined this site and feel for all but mostly for those who have lost a spouse because that is my own very personal loss.  So writing to everyone is impossible and when I read, I feel over…"
13 hours ago
Emma Milner joined Jarvis's group

I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
21 hours ago
Profile Iconkiran singh, Cheyenne Steffen, Emma Milner and 3 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Michaela waldier commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Well, the finality of it all has set in;recieved my hunni's ashes and death cert finally from Alaska.He's been gone 9 weeks. Im no longer angry,im moving towards finding a happy medium, didnt have the luxery of laying around in defeat,have…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was so glad that I was able to do everything my mom needed as a caretaker but that did not make her death any easier. I still lost her. I still have the finality of death in my mind that hits me every day like a sledge hammer. And it's the…"
Lisa Green commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,  Life is so hard and it's definitely not fair. No one should ever have to lose their Mom at any age.  My mom has been gone for 20 months and I still miss her terribly and I do still talk to her out loud in my car. It makes me…"
Louise joined Desiree's group

When will the ache subside?

A group for people who have lost loved ones with prolonged suffering. For those of us who have seen that the end is coming, and had to watch the ones we love creep toward it.
Louise replied to Ashley Lounsbury's discussion I lost my daddy to suicide.
"I’m so sorry Ashley, your situation sounds truly horrendous, life seems so unfair. My husband died from suicide on 29/30 September; I have the uncertainty because he disappeared for a night and wasn’t found until the next day, so…"
Louise posted a blog post

Does Counselling Really Help?

I’ve not been on here for a while, it’s been so hard just trying to get through the days; keeping myself busy, trying desperately hard not to think about things and often failing miserably. I’m so tired of feeling so shitty all the time. I had my first session with a counsellor today, after feeling initially nervous and not wanting to say much everything came out and I cried like a baby. I feel absolutely drained now and very emotional. So my question is this, does counselling really help or…See More

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