Brian P Mulkerne
  • Male
  • Utica, NY
  • United States
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About Me:
I am 59 years old, father of three adult children, the youngest with severe autism. I am a retired Psychiatric Social Worker, and have had a private psychotherapy practice for 20 years. I am also a professional blues musician.
About my Loss:
My wife died suddenly, in my arms, on 2/12/17, after 38 years together. She was 58 years old. There were no warnings; she was active, very attractive, and loved by everyone. She died of a brain aneurysm. I am devastated by the loss, but fortunate to have many siblings and alos very caring children who have helped me through this. I would have to say I have had a high degree of positive support which is still available to me, however I am now returning to working and experiencing being alone for the first time. I should add that my wife's mother also has lived with us for 12 years and she is now 87. She is also devastated by the loss, and although she has three other sons, they have been inattentive to her and I have been her only support.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
I am a Psychotherapist in private practice and have extensive experience with severe chronic mental illness and treatment in institutional settings. In my private practice I work with children, adolescents and adults dealing with depression, anxiety, marital issues, developmental disability, and grief/bereavement issues.

I am not sure how to correctly post this video. I wrote this song  to my wife Phyllis two years ago. It's a tribute to our life together. Phyllis passed away suddenly on February 12, 2017. 

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At 2:14pm on March 26, 2017, morgan said…

Brian,  there is another person who has been journeying here with us who has also been in the psychiatric field as a career.  Nothing other than the experience itself can give people on the outside the understanding of what this is like.  I can only hope some of what you have practiced will help you find ways to cope but the pickings are slim when you actually get thrown into the deep water and forget how to swim.  It will be valuable to have your support system but you will find some of that rather perplexing as you go.  

Hopefully this site and our ponderings will help you know you are not experiencing feelings that are abnormal as society sometimes likes to evaluate them.  In the interim I can only say I wish you the resilience to   find your way forward.  58 and dying in your arms is pretty rough spot to be.  


Latest Activity

Libbie H posted a status
"What are you up to?"
1 hour ago
Libbie H posted a status
"My Life stopped the day JESUS took you home. I've tried to find joy. Happy 35th anniversary honey! Third one without you. Heartbroken!"
2 hours ago
Billy Jo Colt commented on Ginger's blog post Can't let go
"Hi Ginger, your loss is so natural. Why should you let go? Don't let go. Keep your memories forever of her. You will never forget her no matter what happens. You are embarking on a journey of many emotions. Most come to terms with their loss.…"
5 hours ago
Maxey replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks, Joe.  I appreciate you describing your experience during your accident.  It gives me hope that there really is something after this life.  My greatest hope which keeps me going and half way sane is that we will be joined again…"
6 hours ago
Alice Thompson replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, Thanks for your honesty, and I feel the same. Personally, I hate it when people say it is our choice, to look forwards or back, etc, partly because that sounds like they are blaming the bereaved for feeling sad and missing their loves, and…"
6 hours ago
Marjorie Willcox replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Maxey, How I feel for you and can empathise so much.I ask myself that question How can we have been loved & cherished all those years and then be expected to move on within our lives. I too read inspirational stuff & have a psychiatric…"
8 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, You don't need to shape up Maxey, because I know I never will."
8 hours ago
Ginger commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Today is 1 month and 1 day that my daughter passed away from cancer and I miss her every day, so much so that I won't put her picture away because I don't want to forget her."
8 hours ago
JessesMom updated their profile
8 hours ago
joe kelly replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Maxie, Word for word I could have written what you did.  I've have the very same thoughts, all of them that you have.  I feel the same way.  I wish I could give you some positive outlook but I can't.  My wife died…"
9 hours ago
Marjorie Willcox and Maria panettieri are now friends
9 hours ago
Maria panettieri commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"I know your pain , my husband and I were like Siamese twins, we were on a holiday in Italy when I woke up to find him dead beside me. My whole world has fallen down , he was and still is the live of my life. I guess this is the ultimate price one…"
10 hours ago
Maxey added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...

Has Not Happened

Hi, everyone,I have been going to a grief group since I felt I needed some direction to "get a life".The leader is a great guy and has some wisdom that for the moment I consider.  He told us that it is our choice of how we spend the rest of our lives without our loves.  We can either look forward or backward.  Well, it all sounds good until I get home to an empty house, an empty life, no friends I really like, a family who thinks I am doing "better", and a husband who is gone.  All the things…See More
10 hours ago
Maxey commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi,  i have'nt been around for a while.  I had the ridiculous notion that over time I would get better, but that has not happened.  I think, if anything, I am getting a bit "insane" thinking of how meaningless my life…"
11 hours ago
joe kelly replied to joe kelly's discussion In agony in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you for sharing Sharon and sorry you lost you're true love, best friend and lover.  What I'm finding out is that everyone wants to fix me somehow, just like when you went for therapy.  From what I read and hear is that we…"
13 hours ago
Profile IconDonna Decker, JessesMom, Kare scarpine and 9 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
15 hours ago
Linda Engberg replied to joe kelly's discussion In agony in the group Lost My Spouse...
"To all my friends, all we can do is try to put one foot in front of the other, when we wake up to another day. "
17 hours ago
Sharon Stolp replied to joe kelly's discussion In agony in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Joe. I am so teribly sorry for the loss of your beloved. My dear husband died 2 years ago. Unlike your wife he would never go to the doctor, just worked 6/7 days a week waiting for the day he could retire. He died 2 weeks before his 64th…"
18 hours ago
Debbie Lynn Hallstrom joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group

Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Sharon Jane Sikich joined Katherine Ellis's group

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More

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