I became a widow in october 2016. My second husband was the love of my life, together four years and married three of them. My sons are grown and out of the home. I work full time and have two dogs that are great company.
About my Loss:
My husband had been in and out of the hospital for several years with internal bleeding issues. Hemoglobin always low and a hereditary platelet disorder that causes blood to clot and bleed, over and over. His final hospitalization was for a blood clot on the left side of his brain. The medical teams worked hard to keep the bleeding under control for six days but it would not stop. He then was in a coma and had no brain function. Palliative care was done and he died peacefully while I held him. There is no laughter at home, I miss his jokes and can't remember any of them. We were affectionate and now there is nothing. Grief counseling helps but I have to make it a weekly session, I think. My sons are grown and live kind of close, but are busy and I don't want to burden them or anyone so I always say I am ok or fine. I can be more honest with a friend who is a widow of six months and was married almost 50 years. Or a cousin who is widowed twice and her adult daughter died a few years ago. But they have their pain so I am looking here for something to help me.
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ANGELA,I am trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I Am so lonely I'm my home it's unbearable I have been visiting my children in Virginia often but 4 + hours is hard to drive as often as I like with a back problem I get very upset when I leave knowing I'm going to get home to all those memories.I think this is starting to affect my health I'm also on several anti depressants and anti anxiety medication.I have so much to take care of leagle and more it's overwhelming me when your with someone for 43 years it's hard to think of any kind of future without her I guess we are all kind of in the same place and it helps to know there are others out there who know what we are going through
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"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue. Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves. In reality, most of my underlying…"
I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words. Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
"Hello M Adams
Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda. My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back. I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
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