"Hi Alice! Thanks for your note and I love your idea and it makes me feel better to think that someone out there thinks the way you do. I constantly find myself wanting others to believe what I think/feel but then I wonder why I need that…"
"Hello Jen, it was wonderful to read about your love's vibration visit, and it warmed my heart. Sometimes I think grief is only this hard because we are trying to live in a world that believes our loves are absent, whereas the reality is that…"
"Mary, my friends probably think
I am too negative too. But what is "too negative"? I would say I am appropriately negative since my
one and only great love has died. And every day that dawns he will continue to be dead. Now I put on a face…"
"Hello to everyone in this group, I just wanted to wish you all well today and thank you for your company. Every time you share your honest feelings here, I really appreciate it and it makes me feel less lonely in this separate reality I now feel I…"
"It is unbearable, and yet we have to bear it. Some days, like today, I find myself on the verge of tears again and again, but most times holding back, because... what's the point? Nobody hears my crying, no one wants to, and it makes no…"
"I thank you too, Mike. You are honest and have written the truth, which is rare because people so often fall into the trap of tying up those loose, drifting ends into a neat bow. It reminds me of the simple advice a fellow, wiser griever gave me…"
"Thanks Crystal, I never really thought about that, but in fact the most recent person who didn't reply is someone who likes to fix things. In the early days she was so nice listening to me and being sympathetic, but maybe as time goes on and my…"
"Crystal and Elynn, I feel the same about my love's early passing away. And many people around him couldn't accept his wisdom and courage and love and goodness because he was too brave and truthful and perhaps shone an uncomfortable light…"
"Hello Linda and Morgan, yes, me too. I have been trying hard, and will keep trying, to build another layer of life over the reality that all I want is to be with him. Now that layer must look to everyone else as if I am "getting over it and…"
"Dear Morgan, I hear you. It is a nightmare. And so few people in our lives away from this community understand. But I understand, and so do many people here. We feel the same wrenching desperation you're going through so agonisingly now. So…"
Hi Alice! Thanks for your note and I love your idea and it makes me feel better to think that someone out there thinks the way you do. I constantly find myself wanting others to believe what I think/feel but then I wonder why I need that validation. I think it's because I'm unsure and I question myself. So, I really appreciate your deep knowing - it's more validation for me :) And, I know what you mean. If everyone walked around thinking/believing that our loves were still here it wouldn't feel so awful. I sometimes feel okay because I really believe Tom is with me and some of the experiences I've had have been really reassuring. But sometimes I just really crave his physical presence. The real, solid him. His laughter, his thoughts/ideas, his big arms around me - and my not having to question it or wonder. I go from certainty to uncertainty. And that's where a lot of the ups and downs come in. Maybe along the way I will become more certain and it will get easier. I hope. It's nice to share this with you :)
Thanks Alice for your response. I have actually decorated a couple of rooms and thought that this was always my wife's job as she would have laughed and said that she was better at creativity than me. How true and I cried a few times during the painting as I knew that she would be tut tutting at my shortcuts. My problem is she always said to me that she would only leave this house when she died and that part became sadly true. Now I just think maybe I should get out and have a complete change. When I go away for a few days on vacation I come back feeling refreshed. I need to wait another 2 years until my daughter finishes school and she asked me not to move until she finished as most of her friends are there. So I kind of feel that I have a jail sentence of 2 years before I can make my move and hopefully shed some of the grief that surrounds me.
Thank you for replying as it is somehow helpful to know that someone understands you and is not judging you.
Thanking everyone for their kind words. It helps so much to know I am not alone in my suffering......the intense grief that I thought I was alone in, is shared with so many kind people. Thank you for writing and praying and I pry for all of us.
I can't believe my darling is gone. The loneliness is almost unbearable. It had been just US for the past five years. John's COPD pretty much kept him tethered to his Oxygen machine and made our lives mostly solitary. He should have lived longer, his big heart finally gave out. We knew what each other was thinking. I don't know how I can go on without him.
"Really missing my mom right now :/ she was the only one in my fd up family. And what hurts even more was I only really knew her for two weeks before she died cuz I got taken from her when I wasnt even two years old and when I turned 18 and had the…"
"Today is an especially rough day, can't really nail it down to one thing. So many things going through my head. I have had 2 weeks to my self to process everything that has happened in since my husband's diagnosis and passing.…"
"And same here. I have bad days and tolerable days. I am having a real hard time without my Mom right now. Life just does not make sense anymore. But I keep going on through the motions of living, hoping this deep sense of loss will ease…"
"Nancy, yes it sounds like there were a lot of similarities in our situations. I married late and so we would have celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary on August 16th of this year. Jack's birthday was 12/29/2017. Cancer took my…"
"Hello Nancy, I don't know how both you, and Cathy, can carry on as well as you have after losing someone you loved so much? It's unbelievable to me that your husband's doctor could be so inept as to never test his liver function,…"
"I have been struggling along trying to improve upon what I was left to deal with without my husbands unfailing support for four and half years. I still want to die. Everyday. And of course he would want for me to not have to suffer…"
"Hi Kim. We have a lot of similarities. Lost my husband to an aggressive cancer May 10th. We had his celebration of life May 19th and it was truly a celebration with music, stories, food, a bonfire. Just what he would've…"
"I don't think you are being an A hole. I just think maybe you've had more time to clearly think and grieve. I hope to get to the point where I can live my life without despair every waking moment as well. I appreciate…"
"Not trying to be an A-hole here folks but, C'mon waiting/wanting to die? My Andrea is gone almost 3 years and she is always on my mind. I have good days and bad days BUT I try to live whatever days I have left the way she would want me to. She…"