Alice Thompson
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Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That’s lovely, Linda."
Sunday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I watched it too, and I cried, but they were good tears. I have been lucky enough in this life to be loved completely and that love continues. I love him more and more and I know it is the same for him. The physical phase is in the past and it will…"
Sunday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I wish I was allowed to follow him. I know I am repeating myself..."
May 8
Alice Thompson commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Hello Virginia, I’m so sorry you are going through this hell. PTSD has been part of my grieving process too. I think that when we lose someone who is absolutely essential to us, our brains don’t have the ability to adjust to the changed…"
Apr 19
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, I am with you. It feels so unimaginably bad... it IS unimaginably bad, this ultimate loss we are suffering, living with. Who would want to go on under these circumstances that we are experiencing? Some people don’t feel as bad.…"
Apr 13
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"joe and bluebird, I wish for you both to receive an undeniable sign too. I did get one about six weeks after he died. I hope I’m not being annoying in saying this. But it was very definite — proof that he still exists after bodily death,…"
Apr 10
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Linda, yes — the worst has happened. It’s behind us but it’s also the everyday reality we have to live with. Sending you a hug, Alice "
Apr 9
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, thanks for getting it! For me, I think it felt like a surprising realisation because I don’t think of myself as afraid. But now I think I’m perhaps so very afraid that I can’t bear to think about it. It’s not anxiety…"
Apr 9
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello everyone, I think I’ve had a helpful realisation about my psychological state that I wanted to share, in case it rings any bells with fellow grievers. The rotten remains of the garden fence between me and my neighbours (who I don’t…"
Apr 9
Alice Thompson commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Dear Morgan, we are bearing the unbearable and therefore doing the impossible. No wonder we find ourselves in a place that doesn’t even relate to normal life. It is so cruel, to be put somewhere where you can’t have your love but neither…"
Apr 1
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello to everyone in this group, I hope you are all managing to get through the continuing days and nights. I just wanted to say how I am comforted in my worst moments by knowing you are out there, knowing what this is like. If anyone had told me…"
Mar 28
Alice Thompson replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, Thanks for your honesty, and I feel the same. Personally, I hate it when people say it is our choice, to look forwards or back, etc, partly because that sounds like they are blaming the bereaved for feeling sad and missing their loves, and…"
Mar 19
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks to you too, JenShep. It does me so much good to be able to tell someone who knows what I am talking about. My continuing relationship with him is the most real part of my life now, and while I do mention it to some people, mostly I let them…"
Mar 13
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello JenShep, I feel a similar way. Even though I don’t want to go on with life, I am clear now that taking the fatal step would devastate my adult children. That loss would do them more harm than my big loss has done or can do to me —…"
Mar 9
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It is so hard going through life when all you really want is for it to stop."
Mar 8
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks from me too, Morgan, for expressing it so well. I keep looking for that thing to fix it all as well, banging my head against every brick wall in sight. Wolfman — me too, I’m so angry I was only allowed two and a half years with my…"
Jan 29

Profile Information

About my Loss:
I lost my partner suddenly in December 2014

Alice Thompson's Blog

My life has become a scary nightmare again

In general, I think I have been managing better in the latter half of this, my third year since my beloved died. How I describe it to anyone who will listen is that the first year was a crazy nightmare, in the second I forced myself to get out and try to create a new life, and in the third, I’ve been able to build on that new life — even though it’s mostly just a matter of going through the motions. I don’t actually WANT to be doing any of it. I feel like someone who has been kidnapped and…

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Posted on December 4, 2017 at 5:06pm — 4 Comments

Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 7:03am on July 30, 2017, Linda Engberg said…

Alice,

Thanks for your concern about Babie J. she seems to be improving, she can now sit up and use her front legs, the back ones are still weak, I had a wonderful vet who is trying everything to get her up and going again.

At 6:20pm on July 10, 2017, JenShep said…

Hi Alice!  Thanks for your note and I love your idea and it makes me feel better to think that someone out there thinks the way you do. I constantly find myself wanting others to believe what I think/feel but then I wonder why I need that validation. I think it's because I'm unsure and I question myself. So, I really appreciate your deep knowing - it's more validation for me :) And, I know what you mean. If everyone walked around thinking/believing that our loves were still here it wouldn't feel so awful. I sometimes feel okay because I really believe Tom is with me and some of the experiences I've had have been really reassuring.  But sometimes I just really crave his physical presence. The real, solid him.  His laughter, his thoughts/ideas, his big arms around me - and my not having to question it or wonder.  I go from certainty to uncertainty.  And that's where a lot of the ups and downs come in. Maybe along the way I will become more certain and it will get easier.  I hope. It's nice to share this with you :)

At 2:47am on April 22, 2016, Jimbo said…

Thanks Alice for your response. I have actually decorated a couple of rooms and thought that this was always my wife's job as she would have laughed and said that she was better at creativity than me. How true and I cried a few times during the painting as I knew that she would be tut tutting at my shortcuts. My problem is she always said to me that she would only leave this house when she died and that part became sadly true. Now I just think maybe I should get out and have a complete change. When I go away for a few days on vacation I come back feeling refreshed. I need to wait another 2 years until my daughter finishes school and she asked me not to move until she finished as most of her friends are there. So I kind of feel that I have a jail sentence of 2 years before I can make my move and hopefully shed some of the grief that surrounds me.

Thank you for replying as it is somehow helpful to know that someone understands you and is not judging you.

 

At 9:43am on April 10, 2016, O.L. Cato said…

Thanking everyone for their kind words.  It helps so much to know I am not alone in my suffering......the intense grief that I thought I was alone in, is shared with so many kind people.  Thank you for writing and praying and I pry for all of us.

At 1:26pm on February 22, 2016, O.L. Cato said…

Alice,

I can't believe my darling is gone.  The loneliness is almost unbearable.  It had been just US for the past five years.  John's COPD pretty much kept him tethered to his Oxygen machine and made our lives mostly solitary. He should have lived longer, his big heart finally gave out.  We knew what each other was thinking.  I don't know how I can go on without him.

At 5:40pm on January 17, 2016, Minky Merlin said…
Thanks from Minky.
At 4:22pm on October 27, 2015, Fran said…

Friends don't know until they go thru it. I look back now and remember I wasn't as empathetic as I would be/am now. I've had a lot of practice now....

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was thinking about this today. If I could have my mom back for just one month I would dote on her till the cows came home. The truth is my mom wouldn't have liked that. She didn't like to be doted on. At the end she was very appreciative…"
1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you for your post Brett. It not only will help Virginia, it is helping me too. Bluebell"
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, our stories are very similar. I was my mom's caretaker as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD after she died. When we have PTSD we can turn just about everything into a worst case scenario. It is so easy to look back and question…"
13 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Virginia and welcome. May I ask when your dear Mom passed away? Bluebell"
15 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"And speaking of therapists, I have ptsd, and sometimes I feel like I don’t fully realize what happened.  I sort of get numb at times and feel guilty about it.  I asked my therapist if it means I don’t care about my Mom.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, just joined the group.  Wanted to comment on Brett’s point about people getting tired of hearing about grief or not understanding it.  I feel like I want to talk about my Mom constantly, whether it’s good times or bad.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
21 hours ago
Andrew posted a blog post

Lost a great friend.

I recently received news that my best friend passed away from heroin laced with fentanyl at age 31 on jan 10th. I was in shock and felt like i was in a bad dream. I hadn't heard from him in almost 6 months and figured he was out slamming dope because in the past he would tend to avoid me and my mother (who was like a 2nd mom to him) because he didn't want us seeing him strung out and didn't want to ruin our relationship of trust. May 15th, i arrive home from a job interview and check facebook…See More
yesterday
Courtney posted a photo
yesterday
morgan replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I want to let you know that everything you are feeling is normal even though it seems so difficult compared to what we thought we had and what we knew.  The death of our spouse is the most difficult thing we will ever face, bar none.…"
yesterday
Jen H replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Monty, I lost my husband New Year’s Eve and have a 4 year old. It is extraordinarily hard to put on the happy face, be everything she needs, keep productive at my job, keep the house going and all the other needs of life covered. Bless you…"
yesterday
monty thompson added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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My wife passed 5 days before christmas

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the last 2 years she had really declined both in her ability to look after herself, our boys, happiness and quality of life.i tried all i could to try and encourage her to be the best she could given her condition.   Unfortunately this was not enough to stave off a simple cold turning bad overnight and…See More
yesterday
Missy updated their profile
yesterday
CYBERSIS commented on Ginger's blog post No Title
"Really sorry for your loss. How awful to lose a child. I guess some people are really uncomfortable with grief and just don't know what to say.  I know exactly the loss you feel. I lost my mother in October. I saw her and talked to her…"
Sunday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That’s lovely, Linda."
Sunday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Beautiful, Linda! "
Sunday
oneindigheid updated their profile
Sunday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Love it. "
Sunday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Oops, forgot the picture "
Sunday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"To all on this site. This is hanging above my stove. Everyone of us had a royal wedding."
Sunday

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