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Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 16 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Ellis Gee Dec 28, 2019.

My Love

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West Dec 28, 2019.

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

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Comment by morgan on September 8, 2019 at 8:09pm

John T,  

I saw your post late late last night.  I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing.  After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.  Took at least up until the beginning of the sixth year before the numbing really started to set in more often.  I walk and talk and do things in order to pay the bills that keep coming and in order to keep my brain from having to think.  Because when I THINK, when I slow down and allow my thoughts to drift they immediately take me to how my life was comfortable, secure, safe and most of all loved.  It wasn't because we had an easy time of finances etc but we had love.  I woke up this morning and contemplated how he always had my back.  There wasnt anything that was ever going to break us apart.  Plus I ruminated about how some people marry and they have a husband or wife.  People like us had a soulmate.  Husband/wife is a term of legal stature.  I had an integrated soul and now I am torn apart.  

Luckily I am seeing my body start to deteriorate.  The rheumatoid arthritis and my immune system is working against me.  I am seeing manifestation of cachexia.  This is good.  I am having more pain throughout my body and I will stand it as long as I can.

You are absolutely right when you say it wasnt one day you lost her.  It's all the days that follow.  We all get to a point if we had the kind of love that leaves us still "coping" after the initial six months society gives us, that we understand only those who have had the experience of the loss of our soul can really know the pain.  It is why most of us come here to share our pain.  

I know I have transitioned so many times in the years since his death into different phases of how i handle my grief but the missing never stops.  It is with me every second of every day.... it's just longer periods of time between my terrible breakdowns and in between it's just managing the drudgery of living.  

And you are also right.  How is one supposed to find meaning in life?  I can't.  No matter what I do, it's not there.  It won't be.  I will live to the end of my days only desiring one thing.  To be reunited with my soulmate.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 8, 2019 at 6:59am

John,

We are blessed to have this wonderful group to come to and share our grief.

Comment by Nancy on September 7, 2019 at 9:02pm

Thinking of you John T.  I understand.  

Comment by John T. on September 7, 2019 at 6:04pm

Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the death of my wife.  I spent the day unable to believe it has been 5 years but somewhat surprised at how well I handled the day.  Today I have kept having outbursts of crying and overwhelming memories of our life together.  I realized it wasn't that one day that I lost her that was so unimaginable and painful.  It has been all the days that followed.  Now I have all the days to come.  This is a truly an awful day and the sense of loss is agony.  No one around me today would understand my feelings and they're not really in listening to them.  I needed somewhere to express them and I have always returned to this group over the last 5 years.  I probably will be here for all the days to come, all the days in the future from which she will be gone. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 31, 2019 at 6:41am

Joe,

This grief site is the only place I can go to share my feelings and my friends here really care about what I say.

Elynn,

It has been 7 years since I lost my Husband, Julian. I don't post much on Facebook anymore because nobody really gives a shit.

I live in Florida and hope Dorian takes me to him.

Comment by Elynn m on August 31, 2019 at 12:50am

Tomorrow  will be our 45th wedding anniversary.   Joe has been gone 4 years in September.   I miss him so much.

      I'm not going to post  our anniversary on Facebook because I don't think anyone cares.   Loneliness is the worst condition to be in!!!  I only have one friend I can call a "true friend.".   The rest have become aquaintainces since Joe is gone.   

       Keeping busy by myself is a way of hiding my pain.  But when I sit down at night, without Joe here, I realize how much I miss him.   It's really lonely around here!

Comment by Joe Kelly on August 30, 2019 at 8:58pm

I'm not sure what I'm going to post but have to say for starters that we few on this forum group are the only ones I can find who have hope and belief that we will reunite with our Loves when we go where they went.  I search and search so many grief sites and haven't found one that is like us.  

Yes, many explain that grief is forever, life changing, and hard, but I haven't found one like ours where we believe our Loves still exist and are waiting for us.  They all focus on going through the grief and in some way starting a new life minus their Love, albeit keeping their Loves memory alive.  In other words, their Loves don't exist anymore, try to move on even with the pain of their lost Loves.  I look at their comments and have found no comments about what we post here.  Many do come close to the missing of, pain, and suffering, but their loves are just gone, like forever.  I'm talking about a lot of grief sites too.  Glad I found this site to share on and it's strange but this was the very first grief site I found.

Comment by Nancy on August 20, 2019 at 7:30pm

Bless you Morgan.  You say it all.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 20, 2019 at 9:07am

Morgan

Thanks for sharing how you cope without your Husband. 

You put into words what I cannot express. 

Comment by morgan on August 19, 2019 at 3:30pm

Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we are forced to suffer in silence as though we’re supposed to capitulate to society's idea of bereavement.  I can only throw my hands up when I still hear how the psychological analysis talks of how it’s "complicated grief" after six months.  Hell, what is it after six years of feeling the same way?  By now I should be in a looney bin and yet here I am.  Talking, walking, working and still hating my life.
And Joe, you're right.  All we have is hope.  Hope that we are going to be reunited with our beloved because the thought of anything else other than that would be reason enough to cut our earthly cord without a second thought.  It’s that inculcated idea that disallows us from taking the wrong bus.  And it is only hope that makes us believe we can’t screw it up or eternal torture awaits us.  If only we knew huh?  The aspect of the unknown in death is the driving force behind what keeps us going when pain works to override our logic or reason.  Do I suffer now or later?  Which is the better choice and how much pain can I deal with?  Suicides are patently obvious results of too much pain. I have reached the cliffs edge so many times wanting to end it and yet I can’t. It’s not like I don’t feel like I have reached the end of my rope many thousands of times but I can’t seem to pull the trigger. I want to but I am held back because of the damn bus. That frickin bus. Do I dare take the chance and get on the wrong bus and see what happens? As of yet………..no.

 

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"My son died November 25 at 936 am and I have. Cried everyday I honestly don't know what to do I can't function at all what do I do?"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
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Serenity replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Ending my Life
"Wow..you suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
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Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words. God be with you."
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"Yes I still miss her terribly.  I am still sad and angry.  I was left with two boys ages 12 and 8 at that time.  What kept me going was making sure they were provided for and raised well.  I still have full on bawls when the…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Reliving two years ago.  Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms.  She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me. Till then:"
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Ellis Gee replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I know this doesn’t help right now, but even this will pass—lt took me seven months. It may take you more or less time, but the agony you’re going through will end. You’re in my thoughts. Ellis"
Dec 28, 2019

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