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Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 15 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Monty Nov 6.

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 22, 2018 at 6:48am

Thank you Linda.   I am so lost without him.  I still work full time but it is taking every bone in my body to get out of bed and get going.  At home I am paralyzed.  It takes me days to do the simple things like changing my bed linens or emptying the dishwasher.  I do have a strong support system at home and knew I needed something more. That is why I searched out this group.  Thank you for welcoming me. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 22, 2018 at 6:40am

Welcome Rose,

I am very sorry for your loss, it has been 5 years for me and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. He was my whole life, all I do now is try to carry on the best way I know how, but my heart will never heal.

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on January 20, 2018 at 8:58pm

Rose-Lost my wife after 54 years one day at a time and it's ok to cry try to talk to friends tell the same story to them how you feel they do not know learn to say no to things -small things will overwhelm you and you will forget things after 7 months-I count my better time in hours not in days yet it is a long road so lonely take care of yourself and your not alone with this hurt

Comment by Nancy on January 20, 2018 at 8:20pm

Rose. 8 months for me.  We would have been married 44 years last month.   Weekends are the worst for me as I'm still working and keep busy during the week.   I'm very hollow.

Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 20, 2018 at 7:49pm

Good evening,  This is my first time in the group.  I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  Each and every Saturday brings me back to the greatest pain I have ever felt.  It has not gotten any better.  

We were married for 50 years and Peter died 21 days after our 50th Anniversary Celebration.  I am lost without him and I am reaching out.  

Comment by Elynn m on January 12, 2018 at 6:13pm

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry.  Your husband was so young.  It is very hard to imagine life without our precious husbands.  We can help each other here. I am very grateful for this site.  I am free to express my feelings, because I know that the friends here understand what I'm going through, unlike others are able to do.   Jennifer, please continue to join us, because I'm sure we can glean from your wisdom and experience.

Comment by Jennifer Vecchio on January 12, 2018 at 5:08pm

Hi. I am new to this group. I recently lost my husband who was just 37 years old this December. It was shocking and very traumatic for me. We were together for 15 years. I am completely devasted and can't even imagine a life without him in it! I don't know what to do. Everyday it gets harder and harder. I feel so alone. 

Comment by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 7:03pm

morgan,

I know what you mean. Before I met my husband I had published poems, completed college and grad school, backpacked around Europe, worked at a law firm, lived in my own apartment, etc.  Then once I met him my life expanded even more, he was and is the love of my life, my only love, and we enriched each other. Our life wasn't perfect, but I had things I enjoyed, and I was able to DO things (alone and with my husband).

Not anymore, not since my husband died. Like you, I can't watch anything with loving couples, and I don't want to see them in real life either (nor couples/families with young kids, which now I will never have). I can't buy or eat the foods he and/or we loved. I can't watch the tv shows we enjoyed together. I can't do this either.

It's as you said, "....the remembering of how content I was rears its head and I come crashing down."  I would say that I don't even give the impression of having things together or making progress, I doubt anyone would say that of me  now (especially my family, who know better), but even so, if I am having an ok moment/day it all crashes back into me, knowing how much I love him, and how we will never have our life together as we should have, and that he is dead, and that I will never be happy again in this life.  Never. So what is the point?

At the very least, allow yourself to "....crawl in bed, pull up the covers and stop" on some days/nights, the worst ones.  It sucks that it's necessary, but you are entitled to do it if you want/need to.

I initially came to websites like this one looking not for ways to stop my grief, but for some proof of an afterlife. I have not found that, in part I think because I've realized that nothing anyone else experiences or says could possibly be proof enough for me. I can only accept such proof from my husband, from him coming to me somehow.

As you said, it's that I cannot live without him. Any time I have lived and will live since he died is wasted.  

I know you feel much as I do; I truly do hope you are able to find some peace, however that may come.

Comment by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 6:47pm

Maybe so, Linda, I don't know. I only know that while I have moments in which I am able to function somewhat (I go to work, though I am nowhere near as bright and capable as I used to be; I go to the grocery store; I do the laundry; I pay the bills; etc.), and even moments in which I am not miserable, the fact is that the point and focus of my life is gone. And it's not as though my husband was the only important person/thing in my life -- I also love my family, I am a published poet in literary mags and was hoping to publish books, I loved to travel, I was looking forward to us at some point buying and decorating a house, I had an Etsy shop in which I sold vintage goods found at thrift shops and flea markets, I loved to read (all my life), etc.  And none of that matters to me anymore, except the love I have for my family and that they have for me.  

When you're married/partnered, your future is with that person. My soul was and is intertwined with my husband's, he and I absolutely are soulmates.

Comment by morgan on January 6, 2018 at 6:08pm

I'd never been one to give up.  Until my husband died.  Now I cannot battle the war my brain wants to wage in my head and the emotion that my heart wants me to absorb.  I cant watch movies that have couples in them or have a plot about love.  I cant go to a store without remembering what I would have bought because he liked it.  I cant touch his clothing without breaking up and wanting him to be in the next room.  I cant do this.  

I've been in a really rough place for far too long.  Its had ups when I go through the motions as though I have energy and motivation and then the spectre of the sadness, the remembering of how content I was rears its head and I come crashing down.

I have moved, built, organized, decided and in general done what most people would see from the outside looking in at me as getting the better of the loss.  Not.  Even.  Close.

I want to crawl in bed, pull up the covers and stop.  I read here in the hopes I am going to get some spark of inspiration where someone else mentions what they did that I havent tried to stop the grief.  But I seriously have done pretty much all of what others have written about.  And I really have to thank each of you for writing about your ongoing experiences in trying to turn loss into gain but its not working for me.  I just cannot do it.  I don't know why but its not happening. 

I need something more that convinces me that this ugliness is somehow worth hanging onto.  My downs have gotten really deep.  I could say its the cold weather, I could say its money, I could say its the overwhelming amount of work I have in front of me to tie up our affairs but it would be a lie. Its not that at all.  In fact those are the hours where I seem "normal".  

No, its that I miss him.  Its that I cant live without him.  And day by day that is becoming more apparent.  I am struggling to stay alive and I've been doing so for what seems so long in time.  Do I come out of the downs?  Yes, but how long must I endure?  And can I? 

 

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