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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 365
Latest Activity: Sep 11

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 22, 2018 at 3:55pm

Marjorie I  understand what you mean that you are living for your children.  I have 4 daughters and 4 grandchildren but I also feel as if I can not live the rest of my life without Peter.  We were together for 51 years and I feel as if we were cheated because he battled cancer, kidney and lung, for 10 years.  He came out of everyone clean from cancer and died because he was too weak to fight the pneumonia.  

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 22, 2018 at 7:38am

Rose I'm retired and face the rest of my life alone without my husband and have 3 grown up boys I have to live for but I just feel I can't do it.

Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 22, 2018 at 6:48am

Thank you Linda.   I am so lost without him.  I still work full time but it is taking every bone in my body to get out of bed and get going.  At home I am paralyzed.  It takes me days to do the simple things like changing my bed linens or emptying the dishwasher.  I do have a strong support system at home and knew I needed something more. That is why I searched out this group.  Thank you for welcoming me. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 22, 2018 at 6:40am

Welcome Rose,

I am very sorry for your loss, it has been 5 years for me and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. He was my whole life, all I do now is try to carry on the best way I know how, but my heart will never heal.

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on January 20, 2018 at 8:58pm

Rose-Lost my wife after 54 years one day at a time and it's ok to cry try to talk to friends tell the same story to them how you feel they do not know learn to say no to things -small things will overwhelm you and you will forget things after 7 months-I count my better time in hours not in days yet it is a long road so lonely take care of yourself and your not alone with this hurt

Comment by Nancy on January 20, 2018 at 8:20pm

Rose. 8 months for me.  We would have been married 44 years last month.   Weekends are the worst for me as I'm still working and keep busy during the week.   I'm very hollow.

Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 20, 2018 at 7:49pm

Good evening,  This is my first time in the group.  I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  Each and every Saturday brings me back to the greatest pain I have ever felt.  It has not gotten any better.  

We were married for 50 years and Peter died 21 days after our 50th Anniversary Celebration.  I am lost without him and I am reaching out.  

Comment by Elynn m on January 12, 2018 at 6:13pm

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry.  Your husband was so young.  It is very hard to imagine life without our precious husbands.  We can help each other here. I am very grateful for this site.  I am free to express my feelings, because I know that the friends here understand what I'm going through, unlike others are able to do.   Jennifer, please continue to join us, because I'm sure we can glean from your wisdom and experience.

Comment by Jennifer Vecchio on January 12, 2018 at 5:08pm

Hi. I am new to this group. I recently lost my husband who was just 37 years old this December. It was shocking and very traumatic for me. We were together for 15 years. I am completely devasted and can't even imagine a life without him in it! I don't know what to do. Everyday it gets harder and harder. I feel so alone. 

Comment by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 7:03pm

morgan,

I know what you mean. Before I met my husband I had published poems, completed college and grad school, backpacked around Europe, worked at a law firm, lived in my own apartment, etc.  Then once I met him my life expanded even more, he was and is the love of my life, my only love, and we enriched each other. Our life wasn't perfect, but I had things I enjoyed, and I was able to DO things (alone and with my husband).

Not anymore, not since my husband died. Like you, I can't watch anything with loving couples, and I don't want to see them in real life either (nor couples/families with young kids, which now I will never have). I can't buy or eat the foods he and/or we loved. I can't watch the tv shows we enjoyed together. I can't do this either.

It's as you said, "....the remembering of how content I was rears its head and I come crashing down."  I would say that I don't even give the impression of having things together or making progress, I doubt anyone would say that of me  now (especially my family, who know better), but even so, if I am having an ok moment/day it all crashes back into me, knowing how much I love him, and how we will never have our life together as we should have, and that he is dead, and that I will never be happy again in this life.  Never. So what is the point?

At the very least, allow yourself to "....crawl in bed, pull up the covers and stop" on some days/nights, the worst ones.  It sucks that it's necessary, but you are entitled to do it if you want/need to.

I initially came to websites like this one looking not for ways to stop my grief, but for some proof of an afterlife. I have not found that, in part I think because I've realized that nothing anyone else experiences or says could possibly be proof enough for me. I can only accept such proof from my husband, from him coming to me somehow.

As you said, it's that I cannot live without him. Any time I have lived and will live since he died is wasted.  

I know you feel much as I do; I truly do hope you are able to find some peace, however that may come.

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today we Remember 9/11. I can't even imagine the terror and heartbreak the families must still have. Losing my Husband Julian under normal circumstances was bad enough.  God Bless all the people that still suffer from this horrible…"
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Morgan, Thanks so very much for your supportive letter. Sorry i didn't see it before. I replied to it just now, Sending you love and good wishes."
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you friends for sharing your thoughts. I don't know what I do, if I didn't have this place to come to. We are all suffering and the real world just doesn't understand what we are going through. I miss the tender touch of my…"
Sep 10
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have nothing that I want to or have to, to keep me busy except doing what I'm doing which has to have something to do with Her.  Like yesterday, I found a small  3/4 X 2 1/2 inch bottle with a cork when I went to the dollar store…"
Sep 9
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, Check your inbox for a message from me. Joe,  So true.  That's exactly why I post here too.  I keep thinking if I get it off my chest and out into cyberspace at least I know I wont be suffering alone.  That consoles…"
Sep 9
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello All, I am sorry that I have not posted here for a while now to show my support for you. On August 4th it was the fifth anniversary of Joseph's passing. I just don't have the strength or energy anymore to keep pushing to survive each…"
Sep 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm in the 19th month and don't know what to say, except that the only time I'm not living this horrible nightmare is when I sleep and don't dream at all.  Even when I post in a way to try to console anyone here, in a way,…"
Sep 9
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Once again I want to Thank You for sharing you thoughts with us. You put into words the things I don't know how to express."
Sep 9
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I don't mean to be a downer, but I am not sure there is an end to our grief. I know mine is still going strong. I wish the good things in my life were as consistent as this is. We have to keep moving though. Keep taking baby steps. Assay…"
Sep 8
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John T,   I saw your post late late last night.  I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing.  After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.…"
Sep 8
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All, Today I suddenly had grief all over the day. I miss my mother a lot and it seems that there is no end to this grief. Hope I meet her someday when I leave this world.  Just wanted to share my feelings here because people around me…"
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"John, We are blessed to have this wonderful group to come to and share our grief."
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