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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Karen T. on February 4, 2015 at 9:50am

Yeah, I am totally having one of those days. I can manage to write/type a few words for worl and then I have to pause to hold my head. I just don't know what to do. I hate being alone in this world (son not included- speaking about having a partner). I just can't focus and as selfish as it sounds (because he did have some medical problems which he soesn't suffer anymore in Heaven) I just want my husband badk I want to get wrapped up in his arems and know that no matter what is going on, everything is going to be fine because we have each other. Now I am just lost. All I can do today i put my head in my hands and think about him and how much I miss him and how much better this world would be if we were back together again.

Comment by Karen T. on February 4, 2015 at 8:36am

I just don't know how to go on. I fake it for the sake of my son and those around me but in the end I feel like everytime I put on make up I am putting on a mask. I just feel like I'm either dead or dying inside. I haven' even been able to go to church because it's a rather small church so everyone knows us and I just can't stand being among all those people who know what happened and just look at me with sympathy for the 32 year old widow and her son. Being among a crowd of strangers (such as shopping) is easier to deal with. Then there is the importance of comforting my son and helping him through it so by the end if the day I am just so exhausted I'm ready for bed by like 6. Everything is just so hard- I just don't know how I'm going to keep going to come out the other side- I just move one day (sometimes 1 second or 1 minute) at a time and just pray I'll get through soon. Sometimes I feel like I'm even ready for some personal human interaction but then quickly snap back to readlity that I am to much of a mess on the inside to put another person through that. I do thank everyone on here for allowing me an outlet to speak my mind and feelings without repercussions or judgements- it truly does help. Thank you all.

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on February 2, 2015 at 6:53pm

Oh Karen, I know... You'll never feel that again in this life, but the important thing to remember is that you had it... not many ever attain it. There will be a day with no pain or tears. It may seem like it's taking forever but it will be soon. Just think about how fast the past few years has gone by... We just have to endure and hold on a little longer...

Comment by Karen T. on February 2, 2015 at 6:46pm

Life sucks.

Comment by Karen T. on February 1, 2015 at 11:22am

I so miss being in my husbands arms and kissing him, I just don't know what to do or what can help. All I want is that comfort back of being wrapped up in his arms and love. I hate feeling alone and being separated from my one true love and bestfriend.

Comment by Karen T. on January 31, 2015 at 6:23pm
I feel so alone right now. My son is stayong with his grandmother and I am just here, in bed, missing my husband. I don't know how to deal. I am a widow at 32 years old and my husband past at only 33. Everything I do just seems to be so exhausting. Life, my whole world, just seems to be me being lost and alone in this world. It is also so exhausting trying to keep up appearences for my son and other people. It's been almost 4 months and I am still just tkaing it day by day and sometimes even just ninute by minute. I just don't feel right and complete anymore and I am afraid that I never will find that special connection with someone ever again. So I am left to float through this world useless and alone.
Comment by Karen T. on January 31, 2015 at 6:23pm
I feel so alone right now. My son is stayong with his grandmother and I am just here, in bed, missing my husband. I don't know how to deal. I am a widow at 32 years old and my husband past at only 33. Everything I do just seems to be so exhausting. Life, my whole world, just seems to be me being lost and alone in this world. It is also so exhausting trying to keep up appearences for my son and other people. It's been almost 4 months and I am still just tkaing it day by day and sometimes even just ninute by minute. I just don't feel right and complete anymore and I am afraid that I never will find that special connection with someone ever again. So I am left to float through this world useless and alone.
Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 29, 2015 at 6:24pm

Yes, just have to hold on... even on the days when you don't want to wake up and the nights when you want to choose your own fate... hold on. It'll be worth it.

Comment by Karen T. on January 29, 2015 at 2:17pm

Amen Zell, Amen.

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 29, 2015 at 1:09pm

It does not get easier, it gets harder and harder. When you notice things that they did that nobody else does, when you eat food they used to like, when your children make faces like them... It's torture. I desperately try to hold on to everything that reminds me of her. The only hope and strength we can have is knowing that this won't last forever. We will be reunited one day very soon...I'm sorry for all the pain you all have to endure... especially the women who've lost their husband. 

 

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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am finding it so hard to keep motivated.  I have tons I need to do to keep afloat and try to honor the legacy of my husband and yet all I seem able to do is push myself, force myself.......constantly. Its the putting on the mask and…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm now having sleeping problems lately.  Go figure.  I sent you a message Monty. Comforting to see all the posting here.  But, scary to see all the 5,6,7 years since....  God have mercy."
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Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"When your ‘life force’ is taken away from you there is no will to go on.  It will be 5 years for me soon and many people think my grief has subsided as I seem to be functioning better, but as I said earlier we just become more adept…"
yesterday
dream moon JO B commented on M Adams's blog post Who copes best with loss? Men or women?
"do not no wen dad died i loss my way for long tim u cud  say i did im f i am'thn loss folerd evn my cat i had for 16 yrs in 2016 wish she got me thru few dark tims she did  thn i gon to spirtaslt churchh  fond upliftmtn i di did…"
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Billy Jo Colt commented on M Adams's blog post Bad behaviour
"Thank you for such a wonderful, in depth and reflective post. It sounds like your Mom really had the devotion and love she richly deserved from you. As you said. The Doctors could have done a lot more. It was if they didn't want involved unless…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friend's, Big Deal, It's St. Patrick's Day. All is does to me is relieve my Husband's death. In 2013 he passed away 2 months after St. Patrick's Day. We did go out to dinner together put he was in so much pain we had…"
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello friends, I’m so grateful to read your honesty about this hell on earth, this unbearable grief that we have (almost) no choice but to bear. I’m sorry I don’t contribute more often. When I think of something to write, in my…"
Sunday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Have been reading comments from the past few days.   Yes, grief is lonely.   I'm so thankful for this group.  Like Joe says, it's really difficult not having our better half here physically, just to appreciate…"
Sunday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, Yes, we all pretty much have found that grief is not a bump on the head.  It is a ripping apart of a quantum soul.  For me it has become an all encompassing desire to plead with the universe to take me.  I do it as I have now…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, Same as you if I am not posting anymore God has finally taken me. It will be a joyous day."
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M Adams left a comment for Sue Toler
"So sorry you’re going through such a grievous loss — my mother died recently as well, we were very close and I had been there helping her because she was having increasingly complex health problems over the last five years, so I feel…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That you all for your kind compassion.  Just plain hell today as usual.  Tears at times and don't know when or what will trigger them.  The only time I venture out is my daily visit to the cemetery (closest I can be to Her…"
Friday
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, My heart ached for you when I read of your breakdown day.  We feel your intense pain and heartache.  Over time we become so adept at carrying our grief, stuffing it and hiding it.  Yet so many times we become so overwhelmed by…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, So sorry to hear about your day. My doctor was the same way with me when I had a breakdown, he could have cared less. Thank God for our friends here who truly understand."
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dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's video
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Be thou my vision - (with lyrics)

"dont no why but it  it so sothin relzinin i do"
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dream moon JO B posted a video
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, So sorry to hear that you are having an extraordinarily bad day... This is the life for us after we are left here in this world without the love of our life beside us."
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