Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 15 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Monty Nov 6.

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Tildyc on March 18, 2015 at 6:46pm
I feel like I might be going crazy. Because I keep listening and searching and watching for any signs of him. I just NEED to have something from him to help me get through the rest of my life. I walk around the house talking to him and I try to hear his voice. I just need to feel his presence in some sort of way....
Comment by Tildyc on March 18, 2015 at 6:39pm
Oh my gosh- What I wouldn't do the feel his touch again. That is so amazing Jon-Paul.
I have had two dreams since he passed that I felt he had come to visit me. I truly believe it was his
spirit /soul visiting me. And when he was there, he was giving me comfort. But those happened within the first two weeks of my Marks dying. Ever since then, I cannot remember any of my dreams. It's so heartbreaking because I was counting on at least seeing him and talking to him when I was dreaming.
Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on March 18, 2015 at 4:32pm

I think I have to say my queen is with me, or in me. I hear her at times in my mind just as when she was sitting next to me in the flesh. I see her when I look at a certain canvas I have of her. I know it's her because I see movement in her pupils and her smile. I felt her touch my wrist one time and when I smelled my wrist immediately after, it smelled exactly like her. The smell is definitely the most prevalent and obvious assurance that she's here with me.

Comment by Tildyc on March 18, 2015 at 3:38pm
Also – one of the main reasons I wanted to get on this site is ask this question. Some people on here say they feel their loved one around them. If you are one of those lucky people – please share exactly what it actually is that makes you feel that way. Because I do believe if I knew for sure that he was around me – then I wouldn't mind as much I guess- spending the remainder of my life alone. Because the fact is- I will never be with another person ever again. Mark was my soulmate and there just will never be anyone else for me.
Comment by Tildyc on March 18, 2015 at 3:26pm
Hi- everyone's words and feelings that I have been expressed here- are the same as mine. I lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my fiancé February 4, 2015. I have a mantra that I'm always saying, A lot of the time I don't even realize I'm saying it. "Please come home Mark, just plz come home." But – I'll never see him again. I can't even imagine spending the next 30-40 years of my life without him. I just can't do that. I want out. I do not want to do this. I can't do this.

I cry every stinking day. The only time I don't really cry is when I'm at work. And It's difficult at work to maintain because no matter what – he's on my mind 24 seven. At night I wake up about every 20 minutes or so and the very first thought is – he's dead-he's gone. It's like my psyche wants to make sure I realize that he's gone at all times. It's torture.

My Dr put me on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. And I have an appointment to go see a shrink today. I've been alive for 50 years and have been through a lot. And I've never had to do any of that stuff before. And to be honest none of it's helping or going to help. Is just a waste of time because nothing can bring my Mark back. That's the only thing that's going to stop this pain. So therefore- I'm going to feel like this until the day I finally die.
Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on March 11, 2015 at 7:02pm

I understand Karen. Everything outside our marriage sucks. Though my kids are so loving and smart and perfect, it just doesn't seem worth it to go on. I'd rather be where she is. She is my world, that's why we had kids - to enjoy them together. But I owe it to her, and you owe it to him to keep on and be strong while we patiently await our calling home.

Comment by Karen T. on March 11, 2015 at 6:11pm

Life sucks. I am so tired of this. No one sees the suffering so they tend to add to it with their comments/demands. I just don't feel like I have anyone who loves me (I have a son who sometimes acts like he loves me but that's usually when he gets his wah, otherwise he  acts like he hates me or doesn't want to be around me otherwise). I feel everyone wouls be better off without me. I feel like the worst person and mother in the world and now my son is left with just me instead of me and my husband who was great with him. My family is driving me nuts too. I just don't know where to go from here. Is there anywhere to go? Life and people just suck.

Comment by Janet K on March 3, 2015 at 4:58pm
Sorry for the length!! And the typos, especially his age, he was 47, not 49
Comment by Janet K on March 3, 2015 at 4:55pm
Hi Fran, hanks for your comments. You know it's peculilar b/c during the first year,maybe even two I was on what I call auto pilot and I did amazingly well. So many things had to be handled and in a timely fashion and everyone from my church gathered around and helped as well as in-laws and his work buddies. They were amazing. I stayed on task and was receiving counseling and never missed church. But time passes and people must return to their libes and assume that you will continue to progress. My counseling ended, I moved and quit going to my church b/c it was over an hour away and haven't gotten plugged into a new one. When I moved my friends dwindled away. Not to be a complainer but I have rhuematoid arthritis and Lupus which has worsened greatly over the past five years which led to me and my boss agreeing I was no longer able to give the time and devotion to my job it deserved, leaving me with no link to society so my depression just gets worse and worse. I can't even believe this is me. I was always so happy. I don't even recognize myself. I am truly blessed as I have two adult children that love me greatly, a 26 yr old dau and 24 yr old son. My dau is married, my son lives with me. I have had to take money out of my IRA to live on and will need to pay penalties and taxes on that. I have no choice ,as it is all the funds I have and have to live. I need to apply for disability which should be a given,yet I continue to procrastinate. Its almost as if I am in self destruct mode and can't seem to stop it. I try to force myself to leave the house, and always back out. I want to tell you I amvery very sorry for your loss you sound like you are doing pretty darn good gurl, do not lose your footing. I want nothing more than to be happy again,to be a good example for my kids and to live like I know my sweetie would want. He would be so upset if he knew how I was. It's as if I can't control it and I know I should be able to make progress. I am a christian,and without my faith I would be dead by now. I know he did not give me a spirit of anxiety or fear, I know this. I am just so stuck. He was my soft place to fall, he was my confident, he was my security. We were married 17 days shy of 25 years and lived togehter four years prior to that, so we literally grew up together. I am grateful God din't allow him to suffer for a long time. He was diagnosed on his 49th bday on aug 26 and died on nov5 of that same year. Such a whirlwind but it was better that way. I dont even know what to say at this point. I just thought maybe I could get on here and make some sense of things yet I feel like I should be the one giving advice as it seems I have been at this longer than the majority on here. I just don't know. Like I say, I did a lot better the first couple of years, I think I was numb.
Comment by Fran on March 3, 2015 at 4:22pm

Janet, you sound like me even tho I'm only entering month 4. We can only take it a day at a time. I've taken to making a list of things I HAVE to do. I've set up automatic bill payments for a lot of things which makes my life easier. I'm lucky in that I have a financial advisor that helped my husband and me for 10 years...he's been wonderful at helping me make plans. He did a lot of the paperwork for me when my husband died. He's going to do my taxes again this year since there is NO WAY I could figure out how. Is there anyone you can ask for help and rely on for, at least, financial stuff.


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Frank posted a discussion

Life after multiple, consecutive losses

Hi everyone, I’m Frank, I’m new here. Thank you for welcoming me into this group. Here’s the short version of my situation: my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in late 2007. Not that it matters, but for the record, she was a non-smoker and nobody in my family smoked. My parents were married for 60 years, I always say that this diagnosis blew my fathers mind. He had a stroke about two weeks later. My father died on March 1, 2008, and my mom three months later, in June of 2008. I didn’t know…See More
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Morgan. I wish for my own death also. I pray there is a Heaven so I can be with my Julian and all the that people that were close to me."
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda,  I am so sorry to hear of more loss in your life.  I don't know about you but I end up just dissolving when I hear of loss.  Mine or anyone else's.  Grief has given me one thing. The overarching aching desire to…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lost two more relatives this week."
Linda mendenhall left a comment for Linda mendenhall
"I miss my mom every day"
Linda mendenhall left a comment for Linda mendenhall
"I lost my mom to cancer Dec 2018 I 5ook care of her for 8 years"
Danielle Emenhiser updated their profile
Profile IconLinda mendenhall, Ellen costa and Danielle Emenhiser joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wendy Zwickl is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I too wish you didn't have to find your way here.  I identify with your feeling alone even around our children and grands.  That was very loving and sweet of your grand daughter.  Read and post here.  It doesn't…"
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I hardly know what to say other than you have come to a place where we all know the anguish and heartache that you are feeling.  Death is hard enough to stomach but to have your husband murdered is beyond my imagination.  Although I…"
Dec 8
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, So sorry for your loss. Yes I know how you feel and it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone in this forum care for one other and it is a place to go to share your most inner thoughts. God Bless You and Your Family"
Dec 7
Wendy commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"My heart goes out to you as I recently experienced the loss of my husband who was murdered. We had been together 31 years, married 27. I remember as if it was yesterday, the phone call, the driving frantically to reach the crime scene, waiting for…"
Dec 6
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Wendy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This is the first year in 31 years that my husband will not be here. I've not put up a tree or participated in any holiday celebrations. Instead, my Son, unpacked our tree and decorations we had collected thru the years and while visiting his…"
Dec 6
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Dec 4

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