Lost My Spouse...

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Today is the anniversary of my wedding day 2 Replies

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been…Continue

Started by Carol Klotz. Last reply by Carol Klotz May 3.

Lost my light in the darkness 2 Replies

I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the…Continue

Started by Shane Hughes. Last reply by Shane Hughes Apr 16.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 5 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Wendy Apr 7.

My Love 1 Reply

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West. Last reply by Anna Chris Apr 7.

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Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on March 30, 2015 at 9:12am

I'm new on here. My wonderful husband of 13 years passed away on Janurary 8, 2015. I don't know if there are words that express how I feel. Lost, scared, lonely, angry! Those really don't do this pain justice. He had been sick for a long time but that doesn't make this any easier. I'm glad that he is no longer suffering but I miss him so much. Ours was a very special kind of love. We knew the moment that we met that we were ment to be together.

Comment by George H on March 29, 2015 at 11:32pm
M Morgan I can totally understand how you feel my wife passed February 24th I had no friends outside the house cuz I was her caregiver 24 7 there's not a day that goes by when I wonder how long before it's my turn like you I don't think it would be by my own hand but I don't think that it would matter how quick it comes the loneliness an and emptiness is getting really hard to handle
Comment by morgan on March 29, 2015 at 11:13pm

I will never be with anyone else and I am doing what I can to diminish my health.  Two years, two months later and my breakdowns are coming back in spades.  They had receded to only one a day but now just about anything will trigger them.   I am looking at what it is going to take to get up every day and live my life without the one person who made it worth living.  I knew it before but now after distracting myself with work I realize the shock was what kept me from seeing what I face.  The crying is more than despair now.  It is a volatile response to my life.  Before it was more focused as a response to his death.  Now it's like the big guns have come out.

I have not wanted to be here on earth since the day my husband died but now I am more determined than ever to grieve so hard that physically I die of my broken heart.  I won't do it by my own hand in a harmful way ( i don't think) but I am going to do everything possible to hasten the inevitable.  If todays breakdowns are an example of how grief is taking its toll my physical self is bound to follow.  

As I said to the policeman who came to check on me in the store parking lot where I was crying so hard they had to help me out to my car and then must have called the police: I said"No one understands the utter loneliness of what death delivers",  particularly when you had a very deep passionate relationship.  Some people recover but there are those of us who will never see any happiness ever again. They were worried I might not be able to drive or I was going to harm myself.  I almost had to laugh since they have no idea how often I go through this.  They see it once and think I am about to go over the edge.  If they only knew…….. 

Comment by Tildyc on March 29, 2015 at 5:41pm
Having yet another terrible day. I've been thinking about the future and how completely empty it looks to me. Now that Mark won't be in it at all. Ever. I really don't look forward to anything at all. Except for the day that I get to go to him and see him again.
Comment by George H on March 27, 2015 at 8:46am
I want to thank everyone who commented on my post I would like to write you all individually but I have severe vision problems so I talk into this phone and I hope it prints out what I say once again thank you all I appreciate the support cuz im pretty much by myself here 24 7 never felt this type of loneliness
Comment by Ally M on March 27, 2015 at 12:30am

I just wanted to say thank you for the responses to my earlier comments, or that have commented in the group recently.  Sometimes it just helps to read things, and know that I share your many of your thoughts and feelings- thank you all.

Comment by Tildyc on March 26, 2015 at 10:24pm
Here's what I think John T. Just remember- it's just my opinion. But I'm starting to feel as if Mark can hear me in a sort of way... Kinda like when John-Paul said to still your mind. I find if I am in a very quiet place- and I try and relax and focus on what I'm saying to him – I feel like I can hear an answer somehow. I don't know if it's him or common sense or what???? I've asked for forgiveness and other things and I feel like he has heard me. I don't know – perhaps I am truly going crazy? I've stated that before on here. Maybe it's my way of getting through this dark and painful time or maybe there's something really truly behind it. Honestly – how are we to know? So – if your guilt is weighing you down – talk to her and let her know you're sorry and then listen – I'm sure you'll hear the answer she would give you. If she were still here on earth in front of you or somewhere else that we don't know....Just listen and remember- what would she say to you about this? You would know better than anybody else right? She is your soulmate... Trust what you feel.
Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 26, 2015 at 8:24pm

John T,  What you have written about Diane, I feel confident in saying that if she thought that you were less then she deserved, she would not have stayed with you. 

I had the same conversation with Jeremy.  I always believed that he deserved way better than me.  He definitely was a better person than I was.  He never judged anyone. Treated everybody the same.  He told me that he stuck around because he believed that I was smart and funny and made him whole.  He made me feel loved, secure and beautiful.  I feel none of that now.

Comment by Jason on March 26, 2015 at 6:10pm
I agree with the writing in a book idea. Me and Amanda use to talk about anything joe everything. After she passed I missed talking with her, I had so much I wanted to say but no way to say it. One person suggested posting on her facebook but some of the things I wanted to say weren't for everyone else's eyes. So I decided to get a notebook to write in. Now whenever I think of something I'd want to say to her I write in that notebook like I was talking with her. It's not a perfect solution but I do think it's helped me or at least given me a means to vent.
Comment by Fran on March 26, 2015 at 5:39pm

As a nurse we "learned" the stages of grief and I agree, it's BS! I don't know that anyone ever really "accepts" death. 

I did my writing in a book last year when Bill was diagnosed and kept it up until he died in November. I've not been able to write in it since. For now, I look up to the heavens or at a pix of Bill and make my comments, ask my questions...I'm still waiting for answers. Maybe I'm expecting too much. I know I will never forget that week before he died. We made it to hospice 24 hours before he died and they insisted he had more time, whereas I told them he'd be gone in a day.I was angry that i was right.


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