Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: Jul 29

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Today is the anniversary of my wedding day 2 Replies

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been…Continue

Started by Carol Klotz. Last reply by Carol Klotz May 3.

Lost my light in the darkness 2 Replies

I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the…Continue

Started by Shane Hughes. Last reply by Shane Hughes Apr 16.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 5 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Wendy Apr 7.

My Love 1 Reply

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West. Last reply by Anna Chris Apr 7.

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Comment by Dianne M. on April 2, 2015 at 8:20am

I wake most mornings crying and feeling so alone. This morning it was storming and one of the dogs was afraid. Hubbs was so good with the dogs and I feel inadequate. I also woke with a headache probably from the fitful sleep and weird dreams and the crying prior to sleep. What a nightmare my life has become....I have things I must do today so I will venture out even though my heart is not in it but sitting here is so not good for me either. If I sit here too long I may never get up and out and I dont want that either..what a mess!

Comment by George H on April 2, 2015 at 8:15am
Trying to start another day not much sleep last night and then you wake up to the emtyness and you know what's coming
Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 2, 2015 at 5:43am

Hi Trina Mamoon.

I am very sorry for your loss and the pain that you are feeling. I hope you can find comfort in this group. If you ever need to talk we are here for you.

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 2, 2015 at 5:40am

I agree with you Tildyc. Finding this site, this group, has been like a lifeline to me. In some ways I feel closer to y'all than my family and friends. When I'm on here I start to feel just a little better because I don't feel so lonely. In just a few short days, you all have begun to mean more to me than I can explain. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on April 2, 2015 at 4:40am

Jon, I too am so angry and am finding that "normal" people are really starting to annoy me.  

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 2, 2015 at 4:25am

Dear Fellow Bereaved Spouses,

I just joined this forum yesterday and have been reading your  posts. I can relate to so much of what so many of you say here. I lost my wonderful husband, the love of my life, to lung cancer in August 2014. soon it will be eight months since Joseph left this world. The day he died, a part of me died too. No matter what lies ahead of me, even if I heal five years later and become "normal" again, my life will never, never the same again. And that's the life I want to live, the one I shared with Joseph.

We have no children, we moved to Alaska to take up our teaching positions here, and all we had here for the first few years was just the two of us. Over the years we made many friends and belonged to a community, but we were always happiest and the most content when we were alone, in each other's company. It felt so blissful and deeply satisfying. Actually, a year or so before Joseph was diagnosed with his terminal illness, the two of us would often give thanks for having each other, for having found such a deep love. Maybe deep down we felt that our love was too special, too wonderful to last for too long. We are in a relationship for 19 years and married for 14. And yes, the love we shared, like all the spouses on this site, was too magical to last for too long. Sometimes I console myself by saying that I should be grateful for the love I have known because not everyone gets to experience this kind of love, as short-lived as it was. And my sisters tell me that I have a lifetime's worth of beautiful memories to sustain for me the rest of my life. But the utter anguish and pain of losing my soulmate is too great, and sometimes it is difficult to breathe. 

I am glad that there are these online grief support groups where we turn for solace and comfort. Only people who have walked in our shoes know how it really feels to lose a beloved spouse. Others. as well meaning and loving they may be, cannot quite understand the depth of our sorrow and suffering. So here and read and share our stories and we can lean on each other. Just a small comfort knowing there are people out there who can relate and understand.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way, all of you. May peace come to us at some point.

Comment by morgan on April 2, 2015 at 2:08am

(part 2)

My husband was a man of nature.  He was a fisherman and a hunter.  He was a master artist, a creative genius.  He worked with his hands.  He knew about beauty and love and was informed about the most important things in life.  About caring for our environment and most of all he cared about me.  I can only find solace in following the steps science is taking to reveal the intimacy of the universe.  Death reveals nothing.  It is silent. But while we are alive I see science making huge strides in explaining this existence and of death and the immensity of what else is yet to be discovered.  13.7 billion years of the observable universe we must have some other connections to that which is so unimaginable on a purely sub atomic level. But at that level I believe there is an energy of consciousness that is fundamental and we are inextricably linked together.  Much like we must travel this death path now without even knowing each other we know how we each feel.  That is coming from the universal consciousness.  We are linked by that energy.   For me it is not godly but simply a field of energy that is so immense techology is just beginning to scratch the surface. Things like the Hubble telescope have opened our eyes to the cosmos.  We have so much more yet to discover  But it is happening. 

The LHC is going back online soon.  It is happening.  It may not be during my lifetime but science is making huge strides.  There was a time when they thought the earth was flat.  There was a time when flight was considered only for birds.  There was a time when we were tied to phones in our home but never in our pockets.  Our time is yet to come to discover why death is so profound and why and where we go.  But it will be better explained in years to come.  Tonight I will go to sleep and I will “live” in an alternate universe when I go into REM.  I will probably not remember it.  But I will go there.  Maybe my husband will be there.  In the menatime I need to try to understand the chance that he is right beside me only I cannot see him.  The possibility exists.  We just aren’t quite there yet.


Comment by morgan on April 2, 2015 at 2:08am

Tildyc,  (part1)

You asked earlier for some more info on the afterlife.  From what I have studied,  physics is forming theories of who and what and how we are here based on math and experimental observations.  Two theories are now established by math and experiment.  One is the classical theory by Einstein E=Mc2.  It is the macro world we see, the large picture, the universe, the stars, planets, people, animals, plants, cars houses etc.  The other is quantam mechanics the study of the tiny world by particle physicists.  It is the micro world of  cells, molecules, atoms, electrons, protons, quarks etc.  It is the world we can only see through the microscope.  Science knows that the quantam world exists and it is revealed to us in the macro world of the reality we visualize.  What they have been trying to do since Einstein died in 1955 is unify the two theories.  Trying to explain how the quantam world becomes the world we see and experience.  They have come up with some ideas they are now trying to prove.  That is where I study to try and understand the connections because somewhere along the line the cells in our body biology come to life in birth and leave when our brain and organs no longer function.  What is it that is instructing us during life? What is it that brings energy to life and dissipates when we die?  How does the brain create our reality? Getting into those kinds of questions is a bit more complicated but is being tested by science.  This is where you can google words or videos that I can provide that will give you a starting point. 


I would start with The Elegant Universe with Brian Greene.  There are three separate episodes.  The Fabric of the Cosmos with Brian Greene is also good.  It will give you a very basic overview of physics for the layman.   Several other scientists of other disciplines besides physics are good for their explanations and reach further into other hypotheses.  Stuart Hammeroff who with Roger Penrose have come up with something they call the Orch OR theory is one whichI think is very viable from a biological perspective.  It involves something called microtubules in our body.  Fascinating. 

Then there is John Hagelin who is a physicist who explains the connection that our consciousness has to our reality.  It is another fascinating relationship of mind body with the universal cosmic energy. 

Then David Chalmers has presented the physicists with something called the “hard probem of consciousness”. 

There is so much to learn about fractals, holograms. Parallel universe, M theory, Inflation, String theory, dark energy, dark matter, black holes, higgs boson, Large hadron collider, Fermilab, Pi, quantam entaglement, Shroedingers cat, 11 dimensions, singularity, superposition, and on and on and only by listening to it over and over have I gained any insight.  What I have taken away from it is what you mention you too want.  Answers.  But I want answers that are based on nature.  On the study of what we see around us.  Based on using the most current technology to explore the reaches of the universe and what science can measure and back up with irrefutable mathematical algorithms. 

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on April 2, 2015 at 12:41am

The sorrow and grief has morphed into anger and rage... 

Comment by Tildyc on April 1, 2015 at 11:49pm
I'm so sorry for all the pain we have to go through. And even though I don't know everyone here personally – We are connected. We are sharing the most painful and devastating time of our lives with each other. Some of us have family and friends and some of us do not. But honestly, I truly believe that this is a very lonely and sad journey that we take with no one by our side.. But the connections we make here, in my opinion – are turning out to be a lifeline for me. If it weren't for everyone here – I would be completely alone. Just like m morgan said before – we are kindred now. I find myself checking this site frequently. Every time I am having a hard time dealing with all the pain- I look to you guys for support. No one else really understands me except for all you folks here. And I want everyone to know if you ever need my support, I will be here for you.

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