Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Jason on March 26, 2015 at 6:10pm
I agree with the writing in a book idea. Me and Amanda use to talk about anything joe everything. After she passed I missed talking with her, I had so much I wanted to say but no way to say it. One person suggested posting on her facebook but some of the things I wanted to say weren't for everyone else's eyes. So I decided to get a notebook to write in. Now whenever I think of something I'd want to say to her I write in that notebook like I was talking with her. It's not a perfect solution but I do think it's helped me or at least given me a means to vent.
Comment by Fran on March 26, 2015 at 5:39pm

As a nurse we "learned" the stages of grief and I agree, it's BS! I don't know that anyone ever really "accepts" death. 

I did my writing in a book last year when Bill was diagnosed and kept it up until he died in November. I've not been able to write in it since. For now, I look up to the heavens or at a pix of Bill and make my comments, ask my questions...I'm still waiting for answers. Maybe I'm expecting too much. I know I will never forget that week before he died. We made it to hospice 24 hours before he died and they insisted he had more time, whereas I told them he'd be gone in a day.I was angry that i was right.

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 26, 2015 at 5:15pm

I don't know if this will help anyone or not.  My counselor has me writing things down in a book.  Anything that comes to mind.  Questions for Jeremy, questions for myself, stories, observations.  She asked me if I felt his presence our first session and I didn't have an answer.  I don't completely feel his presence, but writing those things down have been a bit cathartic.  I am starting, I guess, come to some sort of terms with this, new normal.  I still get choked up and I still cry.  I still feel not whole. 

John,  I was given the same advice.  Jeremy did not wish to have cancer and did not wish to leave me and would not want for me to be in so much pain.  It took them saying it several times before it started to sink in a little. 

My husband didn't have the chance to even make it to hospice.  I had to make the decision for a DNR.  It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make.  He was gone within 58 hours of going to the ER.  I almost did not got back to the hospital the night he died.  I will never forget his last days on earth and his last breath.  I am relieved that he is not in pain and suffering anymore and was angry that he left me.  The stages of grief is a bunch of BS. 

Comment by Tildyc on March 26, 2015 at 12:45pm
John T and Jason- yes everything for me is based off of my life before Mark died and after he died. I tell myself things like- "I used to enjoy my days off when Mark was around." Now they're just another long day in this never ending "ground hog day" that my life has become. Dog walks used to be so wonderful- now they are lonely. Dinner was an event and we discussed it daily. Made plans and looked forward to it. Now- either I eat toast standing over the kitchen sink or just skip it. NOTHING- absolutely nothing is truly enjoyable for me since Feb. 4, 2015.

Gawd- I sound so ridiculously morbid and depressed. I'm almost embarrassed but - no apologies- it truly is how I feel right now.
Comment by Tildyc on March 26, 2015 at 12:22pm
Hi George- I too have been going to a councilor and though she is very nice and understanding- I'm not convinced it's helping really. All I do when I'm there is cry and talk about Mark and it seems repetitive and it's gut wrenching. I mean- I do this exact thing at home everyday- several times a day. But it doesn't cost me $ to do it at home. And since my income has been cut in 1/2 when my Mark died- I don't have much to spare. But- she's understanding and let's me make payments. I'll probably go back next week again because I don't know what else to do to about this overwhelming sadness and depression. I dunno- I have no real answers to this. Except for this site- at least on here, I know I'm not the only person in the world that is suffering from such a profound loss.
Comment by George H on March 26, 2015 at 11:27am
having another bad day waiting for the grief counselor but I'm starting to wonder if that's helping any just can't seem to find a direction I'm missing my wife so much I hate being in such a dark place
Comment by Jason on March 26, 2015 at 10:10am
I feel like for the rest of my life I will be comparing where I am with where we should have been. Whenever I'm feeling down, having a bad day or just missing Amanda I'll be wondering what we'd be doing if this hadn't have happened. Would we be planning our wedding, weekend trips away, parties, our honeymoon, etc etc.
One thing I an sure of is that I will never be as happy as I would if we were still a we...
Comment by Tildyc on March 25, 2015 at 10:33pm
Longer in your life. I feel like I'm someone that the un-affected need to avoid. I try to conceal my grief when I'm out in public but- I feel as if it is the only thing that defines me. I realize everyone can see it. That person I was before- the person who had love- died with Mark. What's left...?? Just this broken, withdrawn and weird person I do not recognize as me.
Comment by Tildyc on March 25, 2015 at 10:23pm
I never understood what it really meant to lose someone like upur spouse/soulmate. I live in a very small community and everyone knows when someone dies in our town. I've always been on the other side if this. Someone Mark and I knew would pass and we would try and comfort the folks left behind and then we'd discuss buying medivac insurance and complain about needing better Drs. etc... But- it truly never set in to our reality that we... I would actually be living in this realm. I feel like I'm living in this entirely different world. Completely opposite and isolated from all the normal, happy folk who don't walk around with their every thought on the one that's no l
Comment by Tildyc on March 24, 2015 at 8:44am
Ally- it truly is up to you if you want to go or not. If you truly think you can't handle it and you truly just rather stay home then do that. Do what you feel like you need to do. It's okay because this is your own personal journey and we all have to go through it alone. Most people if they have not been to this will not understand how you are feeling. Your parents love you and they want you to be okay and I understand why they want to keep an eye on you. But the final decision is yours Ally. Right now if I were asked to go on a vacation anywhere with my family – personally – I would have to decline because it's all I can do just to get to work and be in public for a few hours a day. I spend way too much time crying But – if you think it will help you feel better then by all means go with your family. But make the decision based on what's best for YOU, not best for somebody else right now. If it hurts too much to be around all those happy couples – I totally understand. Stay away until you're ready to deal with it. Let people know that you love them but you just need your space right now.

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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bless you Morgan.  You say it all."
19 hours ago
Lisa is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
21 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan Thanks for sharing how you cope without your Husband.  You put into words what I cannot express. "
Dolly commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Do we ever stop having those days that seem just like the day it all happened? when nothing else seems real and all we feel is the pain again? does it ever just not happen any more? "
Martha Dee is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we…"
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope.  I always feel support knowing I am not alone.  What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's a Catch 22, impossible to solve.  I accept Her body isn't alive anymore, but I HAVE TO HAVE HER BODY ALIVE AND STILL WITH ME and I want that to be forever.  I know that's impossible, but I STILL HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! …"
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Connie I'm sorry but just know your words do stay in my head. Keven's mom...I'm so sorry that phone came.  There's nothing I can say or do to make this easier on you.  Just know we know exactly how you feel.  Your…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friends, As all of you have stated, I too fake my happiness. I laugh on the outside and am crying for him on the inside. I ache so bad that my Julian is not in my life. I just don't understand why God won't take me. Until he does, I…"
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan.  I wish I had answers but I am in the very same place.  Lost, fake and hollow.  I feel worse than I did a year ago I think because I thought I would feel better and don't. Empty and apathetic.  I'm tired all the…"
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, I don't know why this has happened to us, our soulmates being torn from us, but it fucking sucks. Have you considered not acting happy and normal, since that isn't how you feel? Especially if acting that way isn't helping…"
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Please somebody, tell me how I can continue to do this.  I am so depressed.  I get up every day and pretend.  It's what is making me so depressed.  It looks like I am functioning so normally.  Now that I have learned…"
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Danny. Surviving is art which we all need to practice. Today I met a friend whose father is witnessing the similar illness as my mother i.e. late stage cancer. He is also going through the same emotional turmoil as I went in 2018. After this…"
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Danny. I hear you.  December will be 4 years "
Danny replied to Carla Rose's discussion Lost my Mom a Few Days Ago in the group Lost Without My Mom
"Great reply Sandra"
Danny updated their profile
Danny commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Its been 5 years and here I am back on the site. Surviving and functioning but just about. "
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Wonderful Avi!!!  "
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Amen, Avi."

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