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Comment by Linda Engberg on May 6, 2019 at 3:06pm

Joe,

True statement Joe, I have been on so many different meds to help me with my grief but not one of them worked. We are so few in number that they will never be able to fix us until we join our soulmate.

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 6, 2019 at 10:21am

I imagine that there are plenty of the "medical establishment" that visit this site to try to understand what is it that they cannot fix.

The answer is that we didn't just love our spouses, we were truly "In Love" with our spouses throughout most of our lives or many, many years. We became ONE with them and when they departed, we were, and still are, "In Love" with them. We will never not be "In Love" with them, and that is why they can't "fix" us. That is why we want to go where they went. We ARE still "In Love" with them. Our being "In Love" with them is forever. Not "Till death do us part".

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 6, 2019 at 6:29am

Dear Morgan, Bluebird, Trina & Joe

I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the kind words. Made it through the day with the help of 5 beers.

Like you stated Morgan, I won't chance taking my own life for fear of not seeing him again.

We are the only ones who understand how hard hard it is to keep going in this crummy world. 

Comment by morgan on May 6, 2019 at 12:19am

Tonight I am angry.  I am so angry that I have been left behind to have to deal with this miserable world where I stand alone against all the bruises and bullets of living.  Sorry but tonight I just had to come here and scream at the moon and let the world know I am sick and tired of being sick and tired because for me it means nothing to be here.  Doesn't the universe know I need none of this?  Doesn't it know that I long for an exit?  What is taking so long to release me from this prison? I am so angry at having to live........I don't want to be here without him.  I know all about how I have to wait and not take the chance of being reunited if I go by my own hand but my patience and limits are really being sorely tested.  WTH.

Comment by bluebird on May 5, 2019 at 9:00pm

(((((Linda)))))

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 5, 2019 at 8:36pm

Dear Linda,

Sending you healing thoughts and prayers for comfort as you face a marker day. Every day is tough for the likes of us, but especially the anniversaries and the birthdays, the marker days. 

I really like your post: "Death changes everything! Time changes nothing!" So very true!

I have a confession to make. I drink a glass or two of wine every evening; it's the only way I can make it through the rest of the night. As Morgan remarked, if a few drinks helps you thorough the pain, then it is necessary. Sometimes some drastic measures are needed to make it through the day, to survive. To each her own poison. But on the other hand, I really don't think having a couple of drinks to ease the pain is such a bad thing. It's not (and this is coming from a Muslim woman!).

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers so that your pain is bearable. Hugs, Trina

Comment by morgan on May 5, 2019 at 8:16pm

Linda, I just checked the site and see today is a marker for you. If a few drinks helps to numb you to the pain then it is necessary. I am still flailing around trying to figure out how I can continue to live through this grief. I tend to work like a maniac to distract from my thinking. But when I think it brings me to my knees no matter what I do. All I can hope for is that the universe sees fit to end this soon. I would be so happy to go........

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 5, 2019 at 1:22pm

Thanks Joe, the way I handle it is have a few drinks to make me numb. I know it is not the right way to handle his death but it's the only thing that helps me.

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 5, 2019 at 8:24am

I know it will be a more painful day than usual Linda and hope you can cope the best you can.  I haven't been posting much but visit this site daily.  I'm just not able to post much but think of all of those of us suffering not being with our Loves.  We're all just waiting for our reunion with them and each day is hell without them.  Someday we will go to them.  What day?  I always hope it's today.  Where is that bus?  I'll say a prayer for you and all of us that it arrives soon.   

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 5, 2019 at 6:39am

Today is 7 years to the day I loss my Husband Julian.  

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