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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 371
Latest Activity: May 20

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Today is the anniversary of my wedding day 2 Replies

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been…Continue

Started by Carol Klotz. Last reply by Carol Klotz May 3.

Lost my light in the darkness 2 Replies

I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the…Continue

Started by Shane Hughes. Last reply by Shane Hughes Apr 16.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 5 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Wendy Apr 7.

My Love 1 Reply

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West. Last reply by Anna Chris Apr 7.

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Comment by Joe Kelly on May 15, 2019 at 3:07pm

Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept that, we can't live like this but we're trapped waiting, because we have to go the way they went, or take a chance of not ending up in their realm of existence.  Catch 22 again.  Everything I think of doing, I say what for?  What does it matter?  My whole day after day after day is sitting here looking at her pictures and talking to her.  The only time I go out is to the cemetery every day.  That's my life now.  Everyone is friendly and waves but must think I'm totally bonkers.  To top it off, anything I do try to do turns to crap anyway.  I'm dead without her.  I do worry for my oldest daughter and support her with finances but I'm powerless to make her cancer go away.  The only thing for me to solve is to go where she went; the way she went.  That's the only thing I need to solve.  Nothing else matters.

Comment by bluebird on May 15, 2019 at 1:01pm
Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is.

Morgan, I am truly sorry you are having to deal with this additional difficult situation. I hope you are able to resolve it as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Comment by Marita on May 15, 2019 at 11:35am

Morgan,

i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so overwhelming I just shut down and turn inward. People just don't understand that it isn't self pity, it's "wanting things back the way they were" as Linda says.

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 15, 2019 at 6:07am

Morgan,

My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't get drunk but I do have 3 a day just to keep me numb and it is the only way I can go on without him. I told my therapist all the different meds I try just don't work, so I have to deal with in my own way.

Comment by morgan on May 14, 2019 at 10:28pm

Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable to cross the threshold and just get it done.  It seems my brain just wont let me. They seem to be getting worse.  

Does anyone else have these crippling kind of breakdowns when they come up against something they simply cant seem to solve?  

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 11, 2019 at 4:14pm

It's nice you found something special stand out on his last birthday.   Most of my Love's birthdays, I made special.  We were either on a cruise or a nice land vacation every year on her birthday.  Her last birthday was in between trips and all our kids and grands through her a nice birthday party.  They took a video of it and although I have about 700 pics of her from aged two till days before she died, that is the only video I have of her.  Her birthday is Monday, May 13th.  It fell on Mother's day last year and we all went to the cemetery to place flowers.  Today, we went because tomorrow, Mother's day and Monday, her birthday, it will be nothing but rain here.  I'll still be up there as I'm there every day, but chose today for them to be in the sunshine rather than rain.  They brought mixed bouquets for Mothers Day and I brought some nice red roses.  I will be watching her B-day video a few times on Monday.  Enjoy your pics and memories of that early bloom, which seems to be rare where you are at, and, on his last birthday.  Just as it was rare that we were home for a family birthday party on her last birthday.  Comfort be with you, Joe 

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 11, 2019 at 3:39pm

Beautiful Flowers. May God be with you.

 

Comment by M Adams on May 11, 2019 at 11:08am

Today is my husband’s birthday — looking at pictures from his last birthday I was struck by all the roses brought in from the garden that day.  At this time of the year there wouldn’t normally be roses in bloom — today there are just a few green buds out there — but there were many out in full early flower on May 11 2016.

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 8, 2019 at 2:51pm

oh well, at least I know if I post a pic you guys can see it.  But still wish I could.

Linda, yes it is an ongoing nightmare for all of us.  It's like it can't be.  But it is.

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 8, 2019 at 2:46pm

Morgan,

Julian's death is the most horrific thing that ever happened to me.

Joe, wish I could help you but I don't know much about fixing your problem. 

 

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