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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: Jul 7

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Janet K on March 3, 2015 at 3:18pm
I relate so closely to the feeling that taxes,bills,all that stuff is such drudgery. I dont pay bills on time,cant remember the ones I do pay, can't remember which years I filed taxes for. I am a mess!! I want to be better,stronger,happier,less pitiful. I know my husband would never ever want me to live like this and I have got to be a better example for my young adult children. My married daughter is doing so well. My son,however feeds off me. We are two peas in a pod and enable each other. It's not healthy. How am I ever going to pull myself up? I suffer from chronic illness which just makes matters worse. I feel like I'm just whining here. Not sure why I joined,guess I'm grasping ror straws. So so tired of the depression.
Comment by Fran on March 3, 2015 at 10:12am

John, unless someone has been thru what we are living thru, they have no idea! I admit that until it happened to me, I thought grief would only last a month or two. I'm hitting 4 months this week and still feel like I have no real direction, no motivation. One of the reasons I like this site is because we, all, pretty much have the same feelings and issues and as a result support each other. We share the pain.

Comment by Roger on March 2, 2015 at 9:28pm

John, There is always regrets. They are always gone to soon.  There is no price I  wouldn't pay. No amount of work that I wouldn't do. If I could hold my Karla in my arms again. Feel her breath on my neck. Just one more time. I can see that you loved your wife very much. Like I loved my Karla. Karla was the same age as your wife when she died. After a 5 year battle with breast cancer. I could give you a pretty good argument, that its better to go quickly. Than have to suffer through years of chemo, surgeries, radiation, throwing-up, loosing you hair (3 different times).  The fear of knowing you are going to die soon. Hoping and praying all the time a miracle would happen. But the thing is John. There is just NO easy way. What ever the how and why. When you love that person very much. Their death is going to be devastating.  Life changing.  Karla has been gone 2 years now. I am still so in love with her. She is constantly on my mind. I like you, trust in God. I will continue to be here if that is his will. I pray daily for guidance. I want to do the right thing. I believe I am. My one and only goal is to be with my Karla again. Then what has happened here on earth want matter any more. I simply must believe that.  I will keep you in my prayers.             

Comment by Karen T. on February 22, 2015 at 4:13pm

Jon-Paul

I completely understand. Thank you for your answer and help. You are truly a wonderful husband and wife very lucky she got a good one as you are few and far between.

Thank you. :)

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on February 21, 2015 at 10:42pm

Well Karen, when people ask me about my queen, I call her my wife... which she is and will always be. I talk about her like she's with me because she is. I only reveal that she's passed on if it comes up. Physically, she's gone. Spiritually and mentally she consumes me. As far as moving on, I have no advice. All I can talk or think about is her. I have her name and face tattooed all over my body. I will be buried with her as we have a couples casket. Any person I am involved with must realize their role. It may not be fair but I'm being realistic and I don't mind being alone until I go home to her.

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 9:23pm

I do understand that there is always a problem with the definition of :normal" but to me that is what is right for you on a constant and personal basis and then that is MY normal even if what my deffinitions of those might be differrent than someone elses which is what makes uo their normal.

I do have a question for anyone whomay beable to help. This may sound trivial but it may not. My question id what do I know cakk my husband? I mean he is not exactly my "ex" husband as that it's usually associated with divofrce. However "passed" or "moved one" sounds likd they've moved. You csn go the direct rount and say"dead" but that just comes out and souns crass and a bit uncaring,

Comment by Fran on February 21, 2015 at 7:23pm

Karen, what IS normal?

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 4:16pm

I wish I could feel my passed husband as you described being able to feel your wife. I just fell like when I want to sry ( which is a lot of course) I don't have my safe place anymore....I always rom day 1 told him that my favorite and most safe feeling place in the world was his arms. No matter where we were, his arms always made eveything wrong go away and it's like time just stood still and I was in that place and moment forever. Now my safe place is gone and I am lost. I admit I do look at other men, hoping or other possibilities for the future but honestly I don't even know what I would do if I did find someone. So easy to look from a distance but to start things up that's completely differet (expecially when you are  not use to dating/goingout in the first place. My husband was the second man I ever dated- the first lasted just under 2 months and this was in college so I was almost 18years old when I went on my first date. I know I haven't had a "normal" relationship life so any advice on expectations would be greatly appreciated. :)

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on February 21, 2015 at 3:08pm

I miss more than anything putting my nose beneath hers and breathing in her breath as she exhales... and her laugh... my good GOD, how I miss her laugh...

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 2:02pm

I justish had him to hold me. That's what I want almost more than anything, to be held.

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
24 minutes ago
Profile IconGeorge Makhniashvili and Amatullah joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Brett Bowman replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"You and I experienced something very similar. You are not an anonymous person who lost her mother. I just wish that I knew the words that would make it all better. I don't. I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. All I know is that…"
Saturday
Lynn Fisher replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you so much for your kind words.  It means a lot to me that you would take the time to bring me some peace, which you have."
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So glad you have your daughter.  I was so close to my Dad & so many wonderful memories of time I spent with him.  It has been over four months since I lost my Mom.  I try to stay busy, but still have a lot of grief…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hope everybody doing good. My daughter is growing up and keeps me busy but any day I sit and feel guilty of not serving my mother, I feel like crying. She should have enjoyed so much with her grand daughter but destiny had some other…"
Friday
Linda Engberg and M Adams are now friends
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi M Adams, Thank you for your kindness. Each year on his birthday I plant a tree or bush in his memory. Yesterday I bought this plague for my garden."
Thursday
M Adams commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Linda, hope your day is uplifted by beautiful memories of celebrations you shared with Julian.  Do you have any special ritual or observance for his birthday?  Acknowledging such days is challenging for me, yet I do want to honour them.…"
Thursday
Profile IconMichele Erickson, Pamela smitherman and Shorma joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Today is Julian's birthday. I miss him so much Thanks for your post Morgan. You put into words what I have a hard time expressing."
Wednesday
morgan commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Michael,   Wish I had an answer to: "just how are we Widows and Widowers supposed to pick up the pieces. ? I am battling my emotions every day, the mood swings are awful.." I am not sure if I am really picking up the pieces.…"
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"JO, I read this each morning but it does not help. I just struggle through each day."
Jul 9
Michelle replied to Brett Bowman's discussion Are We Alone?
"I was in the exact situation. But I was the one who offered help. But everything I did was wrong to my sister. And I stopped because of that. Your post made me see her side of it. My mom died this year. My sister only cuses me out. She won't…"
Jul 9
M Adams commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Michael, just wondered if you would ever be interested in something like a book club?  A friend of mine who is a widow joined one recently and getting together with people to talk about what they’ve all read seems to be helping her, not…"
Jul 8
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"yep linda senetty of prey  i get or a versee i herd it a funrell im in nxt room waitin for u or god willget room reddy fro u  to day had bit of wobllcry to day but neededd to cry "
Jul 8
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Michael, After 7 years I still remain lost and I know I will be until my Husband and I are together once again. As in the Serenity Prayer, God can not grant me serenity to accept things I cannot change. I just try to live each day."
Jul 8
Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
" I am at my wits end with loneliness.  Losing my wife in 2014 has taken away a certain confidence, and this happens to those left behind. Being married is much more than a ring, it is a friend, and companion, someone who knows you better…"
Jul 8
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Jul 7
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John So sorry about your Sister. I myself spent the 4th with my sweet dog Babie J. I prefer her company to humans. She does not judge me she just loves me for what I am.  I too believe that death does not do us part. We we love each other until…"
Jul 7

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