Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on January 8, 2019 at 4:04pm


I feel the same way about my Husband. I have to be truthful, but after 6 years I can't fell his presence but I know he is with me. He is my "ENDLESS LOVE" and I will love him until the day I take my last breath.

Comment by joe kelly on January 8, 2019 at 3:42pm

For me, it's the absence of our two way physical relationship that tares me apart all day everyday.  I know she is with me all the time but I can't see, hear, touch and interact with her.  I know because of her unrelenting, unconditional love for me, since we were 16, that she will wait for me till I come to her.  We basically promised that to each other moments before she took her last breath in my arms.  I talk to her all day, every day.  I know she knows that I will come to her.  I tell her everyday that "I'll never let you go", "don't fret about not being able to show me you're here, but to be joyful knowing how much I love you as you watch my grief", and adding "keep trying if you're trying to send me a signal or sign of some kind".  There have been a couple of things that could be taken as signs of her sending me a signal, but, being the skeptic I am, they are not concrete enough for me to say that really is you.  She knows me as well as I know myself.  I'm beginning to think that perhaps she's saying to be more open to what she can do from her dimension and for me to try to learn how to let her get through to me, rather than wanting her to somehow do something she can't do as a spirit.  I know I'm rattling on here but these are my thoughts.

I don't care how much pain I suffer, I wouldn't even think of letting her go.  I wouldn't think of trying to get relief because to do that; I believe I would have to diminish my love for her to some degree and that will never happen.  Do I want to feel the pain I feel?  No.  But at the same time, I won't have it any other way because of the above sentence.  Morgan, if you believe that you will join him, you have to believe he is with you now.  


Comment by Linda Engberg on January 8, 2019 at 5:48am

Hi Morgan

As you know, our feeling mirror one another's. It has been six years or me also. I also found my Husband on the bathroom floor in a coma. He died three days later Hospice made his passing peaceful. I am surprised to hear that you who have had to pay Hospice. In Florida, their is no cost and I thought that was true in all states.

I had a grief counselor for 13 months with no charge. But at the end of the 13 months she told me I should seek the help of a therapist. I was lucky this was covered by Medicare. I still her every month.

Like you I am struggling living in this world without him by my side. He was world so to me my life ended with him but God will not take me to join him. I am losing faith in him because why does he leave me on this earth to suffer.

The only thing I celebrate is the Hospice Tree of Life Rememberance held every December. A ribbon is placed on three huge trees and a ribbon for everybody's lost ones. The ceremony is the only thing I look forward to in this miserable world. I will never get over his death until I join him. 

Comment by morgan on January 7, 2019 at 10:32pm

I can’t let go of him. It’s impossible. The memories are still so strong at certain parts of a day. I’ve tried for six years. This is the reality I never wanted to face. And now I’m having to face it. I’m struggling.

In three days they would’ve released him from the hospital with 23 staples in his stomach from his sternum down to his groin. And there was no provision for hospice because we couldn't afford paying for it.

In six days it will be my birthday. What’s to celebrate?

In 13 days he will have died. I found him on the bathroom floor.

I really don’t know how to get over this. Sorry to be so graphic and so upset but this is about the only place that I can write this kind of stuff and anybody will even care.

Some people just never get over losing the most important thing of all, The love that made their world revolve. Please let the universe come and get me. Please.....

Comment by joe kelly on January 6, 2019 at 8:30am

Jesse's Mom

Thank you for your lovely response and share.  Like many others I see here, you too have suffered for a long time and that is a fear of mine that I have.  I hope to reunite with my Love soon.  I will support my dear daughter in every way and I am hopeful that she lives for some years to come.  I assure you and all our suffering brothers and sisters here that the spirit will bail out of the body just before it believes there's a danger of death to the body whether it happens or not.  This is from someone (me), who is skeptical about everything.  I am a person who has to know before I believe anything.  The only things I firmly believe is that my Love loved me with all her heart and soul, that she is waiting for me to join her, (because} my OBE or NED (as you call it) was real.  No dream, no brain function.  My spirit left my body and returned to it.  That's not to say that I have any doubt my children love me, but it's not the same love that I have for my Love or my love for them, and I admit, in that order.  You will be reunited with Jesse and your infant someday.  

Love, Joe 

Comment by Jesse's Mom on January 5, 2019 at 12:47pm

Joe Kelly, I just read about your daughter and her illness, she will be in my prayers, along with strength for you to endure. I am so sorry. I don't know why some are chosen to endure so does seem like an upside-down universe

Comment by Jesse's Mom on January 5, 2019 at 12:41pm

Joe Kelly...I am sorry for the loss of your dear wife.  Your writings about her and the love you both shared was truly beautifully expressed.

I lost my adult son in Oct of 2012. And an infant son in 1987.

I read your post in another section about your NDE. Those experiences always gives me hope to trudge through one more day of this insanity. Where so many people go on with their "normal" life and I am stuck in this pit of torment which will never end until my time comes.

Your insight that was shared resonated with me at a deep level. I have had several abilities rise since my son died. These came about spontaneously -- such as the ability to move an objects, mostly when I hold a weight, but if I get too excited, this can happen with objects that are hanging nearby. Also, both my son and myself knew he was going to pass that year. (He was killed by an inattentive driver who ran him over). This knowledge came to him by the way of knowings, and 3 days before he passed , he called me to his house and told me for certain "His life was going to be short". THis knowledge was temporarily removed from me until shortly after he passed. I was furious with I don't know what -- we had tried to live as God desired (an all out effort) but still we were slaughtered. 

I think your thoughts on a Creator were intriguing. Recently I have looked into some Lakota Native American Spirituality which expresses some of what you wrote. Black Elk Speaks and a subsequent book on his life were of great reading. I think the connection to nature and the Vision Quest concepts you may find of interest. 

Sending you gentle thoughts.

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 2, 2019 at 9:59am

If there is a God, why so much human suffering and you know I can get a answer from anyone including the Church of God.

Comment by Nancy on January 1, 2019 at 10:06am

I'm so sorry Joe.  I've been told God never gives us more than we can handle.  I don't believe that many days.   There are a lot of things I don't believe anymore since I lost my husband at the age of 67.  Bless you and your daughter.   

Comment by joe kelly on January 1, 2019 at 9:56am

Groundhogs day is getting worse.  It'll be a year in about 3 weeks since I lost my life when my darling passed and it seems like one long day that never ends.  My primary is still to be reunited with her soon but now enters fear for my daughter and two of my grands, her children.  Everyone is downplaying it around them so as to ease their fear, so nothing about it was discussed on Christmas.  I assured her via phone and email that I will be there physically and financially for her to at least ease her worries about the what ifs.  She is very hopeful that she is able to live enough years to have the children become of age.  I hope and pray that happens and that by then, both I and my darling will be there to greet her in spirit realm.  Again, I lean on my OBE for strength but I want it NOW.  WHY, WHY, WHY GOD?  What's it really all about?  Are we a game for entertainment of some sort?  You are suppose to be pure love, then why all the suffering here on earth?  Why all the injustice here on earth?  Is it because You know that in the end, we will be ok back home?  Why though put us here if we belong there?  Are we to be tested?  For what?  You know we are all sinners to some extent.  You knew that when you produced the elements that formed us.  Do You believe that we will eventually evolve to be perfect like You?  Pure Love?  It doesn't seem like that is going to happen here.  Does evil exist in Your realm?  If so, why did You allow it?       


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M Adams commented on M Adams's blog post Super blood wolf moon - lunar eclipse happening now
"Watching it alone last night was sad but I’m glad to have seen it."
Trina Mamoon left a comment for morgan
"Dear morgan, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today (January 21st) on the seventh anniversary of the passing of the love of your life. I know that “life” as we live it now after the death of our beloved spouse is worth…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."

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