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Comment by Tildyc on April 11, 2015 at 1:25am

John T and specially JOHN PAUL- I was thinking along the same lines

My father, after he had three children lost his first wife. He lost her right after she gave birth to my sister. She hemorrhaged from the birth and died. So he was left with three little children and this huge amount of grief to deal with way before he even met my mom. I can't imagine how that would been for him. He was always such a strong, quiet and kind man. He saw a lifetime of suffering and loss. Now that I have lost my Mark – I cannot comprehend what he must of went through at that time. To hold this beautiful brand-new baby girl and to look at his 2 little boys while having to figure out what to tell them and still continue on without his wife... so incredibly heartbreaking and sad.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 10, 2015 at 11:18pm

Dear Nancy,

So sorry to hear about your loss and especially how it happened. This group of ours is a life-saver for bereaved people like us. There is nothing out there--books, resources, counseling--that prepares for the kind of devastation and loss that all of us here are experiencing. Some days it feels like pure hell. I can't imagine hell being a worse place than this. 

What John T wrote about falling through a trap door and there not being an end to the fall is a good description of us. Even when you reach the bottom, you still keep falling. How horrific is that?

Comment by Nancy on April 10, 2015 at 10:25pm

Hi everyone... I've been following the group for the last couple of weeks. I'm so right there with you all. I had to watch my brilliant engineer lose his stamina, his sense of purpose, his sense of direction, and finally his life, all due to crappy brain cancer. His oh-so amazing doc never even told me when to call hospice, NOR did he ever check up on us after he signed said hospice order. My days are ok, my nights all suck. I have this hole in my core that I can't fill. He was so ill for so long, I can't even remember the good days anymore, most of our relationship he was sick, as he collapsed 2 days into our honeymoon. I still talk to him. I feel lost and unfocused. Days are such a blur. One of the last things he told me while he was coherent was "keep smiling" and he asked me to smile while the tears flowed.

Comment by Tildyc on April 10, 2015 at 10:17pm

Absolutely nothing – NOTHING- could have prepared anybody for this. when people are born there's always a celebration. And there's books and massive amounts of information and classes to take to prepare you for such an important event. But – the amount of information out there for something like this – losing a spouse/soulmate, death- is in comparison -minuscule. There are some books of course – kubler-Ross being one of the more well known examples. The study of after death experiences etc... To be honest – I really haven't thought about death that much before my Mark died. And when it happened-I was totally blindsided. There is the info about the five stages... But it does not come close to what I am experiencing. What WE are experiencing. Not even sure what could've prepared me for the amount of pain and loss that I'm experiencing now. So extreme and so consuming. Just want to escape somehow.

Comment by Ally M on April 10, 2015 at 9:10pm

Hi everyone, Friday nights do suck- as pretty much all nights now do in general.  I think there is just something about the weekends that shoves the loneliness in our faces more if that's even possible.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 10, 2015 at 8:59pm

I have NEVER felt so helpless and hopeless in my entire life. This totally pulled the rug and floor out from under me. Some days I cant even put one foot in front of the other....So NOT what I ever could have imagined.

Comment by George H on April 10, 2015 at 8:36pm

but it sure can be an overwhelming though at times

Comment by Dianne M. on April 10, 2015 at 8:33pm

Yes George I know he would not want me to hurt myself. So I plod along and try to figure this mess out. I still look at his picture and want to see him and talk to him again....NOT how we had planned our retirement.

Comment by George H on April 10, 2015 at 8:25pm

John I think we servive because leaving by our own hand is something our spouse would not tolerate

Comment by George H on April 10, 2015 at 8:18pm

Trina I think that you sound and feel like the rest of us

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