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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on January 8, 2019 at 4:04pm

Joe,

I feel the same way about my Husband. I have to be truthful, but after 6 years I can't fell his presence but I know he is with me. He is my "ENDLESS LOVE" and I will love him until the day I take my last breath.

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 8, 2019 at 5:48am

Hi Morgan

As you know, our feeling mirror one another's. It has been six years or me also. I also found my Husband on the bathroom floor in a coma. He died three days later Hospice made his passing peaceful. I am surprised to hear that you who have had to pay Hospice. In Florida, their is no cost and I thought that was true in all states.

I had a grief counselor for 13 months with no charge. But at the end of the 13 months she told me I should seek the help of a therapist. I was lucky this was covered by Medicare. I still her every month.

Like you I am struggling living in this world without him by my side. He was world so to me my life ended with him but God will not take me to join him. I am losing faith in him because why does he leave me on this earth to suffer.

The only thing I celebrate is the Hospice Tree of Life Rememberance held every December. A ribbon is placed on three huge trees and a ribbon for everybody's lost ones. The ceremony is the only thing I look forward to in this miserable world. I will never get over his death until I join him. 

Comment by morgan on January 7, 2019 at 10:32pm

I can’t let go of him. It’s impossible. The memories are still so strong at certain parts of a day. I’ve tried for six years. This is the reality I never wanted to face. And now I’m having to face it. I’m struggling.

In three days they would’ve released him from the hospital with 23 staples in his stomach from his sternum down to his groin. And there was no provision for hospice because we couldn't afford paying for it.

In six days it will be my birthday. What’s to celebrate?

In 13 days he will have died. I found him on the bathroom floor.

I really don’t know how to get over this. Sorry to be so graphic and so upset but this is about the only place that I can write this kind of stuff and anybody will even care.

Some people just never get over losing the most important thing of all, The love that made their world revolve. Please let the universe come and get me. Please.....

Comment by Jesse's Mom on January 5, 2019 at 12:47pm

Joe Kelly, I just read about your daughter and her illness, she will be in my prayers, along with strength for you to endure. I am so sorry. I don't know why some are chosen to endure so much....it does seem like an upside-down universe

Comment by Jesse's Mom on January 5, 2019 at 12:41pm

Joe Kelly...I am sorry for the loss of your dear wife.  Your writings about her and the love you both shared was truly beautifully expressed.

I lost my adult son in Oct of 2012. And an infant son in 1987.

I read your post in another section about your NDE. Those experiences always gives me hope to trudge through one more day of this insanity. Where so many people go on with their "normal" life and I am stuck in this pit of torment which will never end until my time comes.

Your insight that was shared resonated with me at a deep level. I have had several abilities rise since my son died. These came about spontaneously -- such as the ability to move an objects, mostly when I hold a weight, but if I get too excited, this can happen with objects that are hanging nearby. Also, both my son and myself knew he was going to pass that year. (He was killed by an inattentive driver who ran him over). This knowledge came to him by the way of knowings, and 3 days before he passed , he called me to his house and told me for certain "His life was going to be short". THis knowledge was temporarily removed from me until shortly after he passed. I was furious with I don't know what -- we had tried to live as God desired (an all out effort) but still we were slaughtered. 

I think your thoughts on a Creator were intriguing. Recently I have looked into some Lakota Native American Spirituality which expresses some of what you wrote. Black Elk Speaks and a subsequent book on his life were of great reading. I think the connection to nature and the Vision Quest concepts you may find of interest. 

Sending you gentle thoughts.

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 2, 2019 at 9:59am

If there is a God, why so much human suffering and you know I can get a answer from anyone including the Church of God.

Comment by Nancy on January 1, 2019 at 10:06am

I'm so sorry Joe.  I've been told God never gives us more than we can handle.  I don't believe that many days.   There are a lot of things I don't believe anymore since I lost my husband at the age of 67.  Bless you and your daughter.   

Comment by M Adams on December 29, 2018 at 1:19am

Joe, so sorry about your daughter’s illness — hope you were able to give her some comfort when you had dinner together.  Did you get a sense of anything you could do for her now that would please or help her?

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 26, 2018 at 10:07am

Joe,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I would change places with her in a heartbeat. I have to agree with you on WTF is god doing. He takes the people who want to live and leave the ones who want to die suffer.

Comment by morgan on December 25, 2018 at 10:24pm

Joe,  I cant even imagine how you must feel at this point with the news of your daughter.  I know when my husbands diagnosis of stage four cancer was dropped on us on the day after Xmas the world was ripped from me and I had no idea what was coming my way.  To this day I relive those moments of horror and now my only wish is to get sick like him so I too can pass.  Your daughter should not have this crisis of health befall her and yet the universe seems to be dishing out pain to anyone it feels needs more anguish.  

I sit here tonight knowing that there are millions of us crying out tears for the loss of our beloved and the continuing assault of other awful news is more than we should have to handle.  I am in total agreement with your last sentence in caps.  I have decided for myself that there is no such character as nothing could possibly claim benevolence and rain down such malevolence.  

I am so tired of trying to pretend I'm ok.  I am not and I wont be.  And here you are trying to survive when you are dealing with another blow to your heart.  I don't know what is going on in all of our lives but I am pretty sure it hurts more than I ever imagined.  

 

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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bless you Morgan.  You say it all."
20 hours ago
Lisa is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan Thanks for sharing how you cope without your Husband.  You put into words what I cannot express. "
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Dolly commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Do we ever stop having those days that seem just like the day it all happened? when nothing else seems real and all we feel is the pain again? does it ever just not happen any more? "
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Martha Dee is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope.  I always feel support knowing I am not alone.  What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"
Monday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's a Catch 22, impossible to solve.  I accept Her body isn't alive anymore, but I HAVE TO HAVE HER BODY ALIVE AND STILL WITH ME and I want that to be forever.  I know that's impossible, but I STILL HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! …"
Monday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Connie I'm sorry but just know your words do stay in my head. Keven's mom...I'm so sorry that phone came.  There's nothing I can say or do to make this easier on you.  Just know we know exactly how you feel.  Your…"
Monday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friends, As all of you have stated, I too fake my happiness. I laugh on the outside and am crying for him on the inside. I ache so bad that my Julian is not in my life. I just don't understand why God won't take me. Until he does, I…"
Monday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan.  I wish I had answers but I am in the very same place.  Lost, fake and hollow.  I feel worse than I did a year ago I think because I thought I would feel better and don't. Empty and apathetic.  I'm tired all the…"
Monday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, I don't know why this has happened to us, our soulmates being torn from us, but it fucking sucks. Have you considered not acting happy and normal, since that isn't how you feel? Especially if acting that way isn't helping…"
Monday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Please somebody, tell me how I can continue to do this.  I am so depressed.  I get up every day and pretend.  It's what is making me so depressed.  It looks like I am functioning so normally.  Now that I have learned…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Danny. Surviving is art which we all need to practice. Today I met a friend whose father is witnessing the similar illness as my mother i.e. late stage cancer. He is also going through the same emotional turmoil as I went in 2018. After this…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Danny. I hear you.  December will be 4 years "
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Danny replied to Carla Rose's discussion Lost my Mom a Few Days Ago in the group Lost Without My Mom
"Great reply Sandra"
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Danny commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Its been 5 years and here I am back on the site. Surviving and functioning but just about. "
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Wonderful Avi!!!  "
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Amen, Avi."
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