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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: on Thursday

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Elynn m on Thursday

Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss him so much!!! I wonder why Joe went to be with Jesus before me.  Then I have to remember that God is in control.   I cry often!!!!   I have days of depression.   I've started to volunteer at different places near my home. And even joined a gardening club!! It's really helped me to get out of this house!   Because, as most of us know, most of our friends have seemed to disappear!

  I am comforted by a Bible scripture  in the book of Isaiah 54:5 that tells me,  "Your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts".    I actually stumbled into that scripture a few times before Joe died, and didn't know why I kept reading it!!  I guess God was trying to prepare me for the tragedy before it hit!

           Hope we all have better days ahead!

Comment by Joe Kelly on Thursday

Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit?  No signs at all.  Trying to believe.  I know my OBE was real but didn't get to a point where I went completely and don't know what would had happened next.  Would I had been able to go home to her?  Will I be able to find her spirit when I finally go?  Will I ever see her again at all?  These are just thoughts that pop int my head.  All I have is hope but that's not enough.  I am getting so much worse as time goes by and afraid it's going to keep getting worse.  These thoughts come and go and perhaps tomorrow I'll have some faith back but It's exhausting thinking these things.  My confidence is weakening.  I have to go where she went!!!!!

Comment by morgan on Thursday

Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am unable to exist without him.  Its real.  Its something I cannot deal with.  I've tried.  He was always there with something to say.  A way to guide me.  My rock.  The one person in my life who got me and accepted me for everything that I was.  Do I know myself today?  Not sure.  The bodily part of me is functioning somewhat, the intellectual part of me is still alive and ok but the rest of me is a mess.  I can only hope that during one of my major breakdowns the end comes quickly.  Until then I am hanging by a thin thread.........

Comment by morgan on Wednesday

Bluebird,

You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty much everything is still insurmountable makes me somehow feel a sense of relief.  I have been struggling with this one something and I don't know if I am going to be able to solve it but at least I have tried.  Just like everything........I have tried.  I am worn out though.  I truly want this whole thing to end.  

Comment by morgan on Wednesday

Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot believe he is gone.  Forever.  I will never see him here ever again.  I am unable to live with that thought.  It is destroying me.  I also find that if I have to deal with something that I used to see as a challenge and I did them because my husband didnt want to I was nowhere near overwhelmed by the task.  Now, it's everything I can do to get through some of the things I have to do.  AND it's gotten better believe it or not.  Used to be ANYTHING I had to do to deal with life I would cry.  On the phone, in a store, with people in a conversation.  Just impossible.  So of course I too turned inward and isolated.  Just made it easier for me to avoid more pain.

And Linda, am I right........is today the marker day of Julians' passing? If so, have a beer for me.  Nothing makes this simpler.   And thanks for continuing to write here as it helps me to now I am not crazy for still feeling so lost and broken.

Comment by Monty on Wednesday

Hi all

I've not posted here for some time due to real life just being busy.

I hope everyone is as well as they can be.

Joe, going out and being with people when you're in pain is very hard.  people like to try and fix you or shun you.  they don't realise that grief is a part of life and always will be, and it's hard not to growl/snap at them when they do something that makes the pain worse.

  I came to the conclusion that they don't have my point of view( thank goodness for them) and it's not fair for me to try and force it on them.  that being said when they ask me how I am..  I rarely say "good thanks", more often than not I say  "not bad you ?"

  I've joined several Facebook groups related to grief and loss.  some focused on getting better, some focused on supporting each other and some I've left due to trolls and horrible persons being toxic.

I've come to a conclusion.

a. everyone is dealing with their own stuff.

b. I possibly haven't got it as bad as lots of others.

c. I really need to be the best I can for my kids, something I have always have strived for.

My uncle recently lost his wife.  I didn't go to the funeral due to the distance involved ( 6 hour drive each way) and I didn't have someone to look after the kids.  BUT I have been in contact via messenger and trying to make sure he knows that people are there and I found people reaching out to me every now and then helped lessen the isolation I experienced.

I've watched a couple of ted talks on grief and have taken a couple of different view/perspectives from some of the stuff I've seen.

I still say hello and good buy to Carol when I leave the house (she is buried in a memorial URN in the front yard near the front steps) (an idea that I got from a tv show "New TRICKS" where a detective lost his wife and went and talked to her in the back yard with a whisky when he had a bad day) and some times after a really shit day I go a whinge to her about the BS that I have to put up with (i think the neighbours think I'm losing it and that's fine with me).

I still have her handbag in the bed under the covers and often rest my had on her handbag as I go to sleep

that being said.  

I dont listen to songs that remind me of the things we did

I don't listen to songs about loss

I still have bad days where I'm upset.

I try not to complain about it

and I try to do positive things with my life for me and the boys.

in all, I think that I am processing and improving my children's and my own life.

I pray that everyone has the best day they can

regards Monty

Comment by Joe Kelly on Wednesday

As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that situation, those alone with in grief is one thing, but being alone needing support emotionally, and financially must be totally overwhelming not having their Love with them for help and advice.   

Comment by Linda Engberg on Wednesday

Nobody really understands except for the members on this website. It was a life saver for me. Thanks to all of you who share your posts and the support we give each other.

Comment by Joe Kelly on Wednesday

Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept that, we can't live like this but we're trapped waiting, because we have to go the way they went, or take a chance of not ending up in their realm of existence.  Catch 22 again.  Everything I think of doing, I say what for?  What does it matter?  My whole day after day after day is sitting here looking at her pictures and talking to her.  The only time I go out is to the cemetery every day.  That's my life now.  Everyone is friendly and waves but must think I'm totally bonkers.  To top it off, anything I do try to do turns to crap anyway.  I'm dead without her.  I do worry for my oldest daughter and support her with finances but I'm powerless to make her cancer go away.  The only thing for me to solve is to go where she went; the way she went.  That's the only thing I need to solve.  Nothing else matters.

Comment by bluebird on Wednesday
Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is.

Morgan, I am truly sorry you are having to deal with this additional difficult situation. I hope you are able to resolve it as quickly and painlessly as possible.
 

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39 minutes ago
Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
Friday
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
Friday
Profile IconKelli Auerbach, Fedor Malkin and Jan McCracken joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Thursday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
Thursday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nobody really understands except for the members on this website. It was a life saver for me. Thanks to all of you who share your posts and the support we give each other."
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept…"
Wednesday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is. Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
Wednesday
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so…"
Wednesday
Rosaisela is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I felt something very similar. After a year the pain and shock of mom's death had eased somewhat, but the guilt increased. I learned that grief is a process that has many different facets. I am really amazed by the folks who seem to…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable…"
Wednesday

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