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Comment by Rebecca Dyson on November 27, 2011 at 1:12pm

Thanks, Babs. My husband and I were together for 9 years - he died on the 9th anniversary of our first date which was also my daughter's 17th birthday. He died at home - I was his caregiver for a terminal illness. He was diagnosed terminal on 1/2/10 and died on 4/7/10. We both worked at the same place, which has made it weird. His friends mostly don't make eye contact with me. At first my feelings were hurt but then I realized they just didn't know what to say. All day every day I pretend I am find - and then people either criticize me for being "fine" or they tell me to get over it if they realize I am not fine. The pretending to be fine is reaching the point of exhaustion. Thanks for listening.

Comment by Babs on November 27, 2011 at 12:50pm

Hi Becky, Yes it is so hard when other people have expectations and want us to be "over it" when we are still very much grieving sometimes even just having begun. It is hard for people who havn't experienced such loss to understand how we can still be grieving many months or years down th eline. I find that i am still grieving for my aunt who was more like a mum to me 20 years after she died, although there were circumstances that have meant it has been hard to greive. If you feel able to tell me more about your husband. Sending you big hugs. Babs

Comment by Rebecca Dyson on November 27, 2011 at 10:40am

Hello everyone,

I am happy to be here with you. My husband died just over 18 months ago and so many people tell me I should be over it by now. They make me feel like I am grieving wrong. Nice to meet you.

 

Becky

Comment by Babs on October 24, 2011 at 7:09am

Hi connie, your welcome i hope it helps. Babs

Comment by Connie J on October 23, 2011 at 11:47pm

Hi Babs, thanks for the book recommendation on disenfranchised grief by Kenneth Doka.

Comment by Babs on August 26, 2011 at 8:41am

Yes was a bit confused when read your profile (not that thats anything new, brain not working at the mo) but did manage to come to the correct conclusion that your dad who died was your step dad. I understand that, my aunt lived with us with my dad when I was younger and she was more like a mum to me, was much closer to her than my real mum. She died when I was 15 but no one understood how close we were so I had no support form anyone to cope with her death and still struggle now 20 years on as was never really able to grieve. Yes I would have hoped your dad would have supported you and am sorry that he has let you down and you are dealing with the pain of being seperated from him too. I wonder how he feels about your mums death? My parents are divorced too, it does cause additional problems when loved ones die. Do you have any brothers or sisters from your biological dad? Hugs. Babs

Comment by Kandi Broussard on August 26, 2011 at 7:51am

I know my story is confusing.  My stepdad is the one I lost to cancer in Oct. 2009.  I refer to him as my dad because that is what he was to me.  My mom was killed in Aug. 2010.  My "dad" that has not contacted me since my mom's death is the man who is technically my father.  It just seems like he would have,  at the very least,  called me.  After all,  he was married to my mom and they had me together.  Even though, they had an ugly divorce when I was young, wouldn't he want to be supportive ofme, his own daughter?  If my stepdad, Floyd would have been alive at the time of mom's murder I know that he would have been supportive, even though, they were no longer married at the time.  It's very hurtful.

Comment by Babs on August 26, 2011 at 4:28am

Kandi, that is so hard and very painful at a time when you really need support. I am so sorry to hear that. Hugs. Babs

Comment by Kandi Broussard on August 25, 2011 at 11:11am

My own father who was married to my mother for years still has not spoken to me since my mom was brutally murdered one year ago. 

Comment by Babs on August 20, 2011 at 5:32am

I have been reading a book called" disenfranchised grief recognising hidden sorrow" by kenneth doka, It is a really good book and has helped me understand a lot. I have put a few quotes from the book on the group page, I hope they may help some of you in understanding how you feel. Lots of love and hugs to you all. Babs

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