Being the Other Woman/Other Man

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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situation

Members: 23
Latest Activity: Mar 21

Discussion Forum

So many questions

Last weekend I found out that the man who was my lover and best friend for 10 years has died. Not only is he dead...he was murdered, nearly 2 months ago and I had been so busy and disconnected from…Continue

Started by Amy R Oct 26, 2018.

I lost a loved one, what now? 2 Replies

Hello, I'm new here. He had a heart attack while with me, I had to call the wife to tell her what happened but denied that I was the other woman. I had to grieve on my own. There was one other person…Continue

Started by Maia. Last reply by Maia Aug 3, 2018.

This has been so hard.. 4 Replies

My relationship started 30 years ago...we knew each other in h.s. We both went our separate ways...talked thru the years..had other marriages..but we connected again two years ago.we both were in…Continue

Started by Lori. Last reply by Krista L Aug 3, 2018.

Still crying 4 Replies

Hello! I am new here...I really need some words of encouragement! This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me! A year this past February, I lost my first love, high school sweetheart and…Continue

Started by Veronica. Last reply by Krista L Jul 18, 2018.

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Comment by Monique on February 5, 2018 at 8:57am

Hi I'm new to the group as of today.  I'm not too sure what I'm doing.  My best friend, my soul mate for the past 9 years passed away unexpectedly w/cardiac arrest and aneurysm.  Dec 3rd 2017. 

He's going to have a Birthday this Thursday Feb 8th going to be 49.  I have been super depressed.  I started an antidepressant medication.  Started talking to a counselor.  (She mostly talked about herself).  I'm starting to be obsessed w/ where you go when you die.  I was brought up Catholic and I believe in Haven but I question everything now.  Every time I see someone I ask them "where do you think we go when we die"  I get various responses, from were grass food, energy and change our form, Haven but they can't not see us because Haven has no  pain and if he see's me in this much pain, he would be in pain. 

  I have an appointment with a medium on Sunday.  Some people tell me it's demonic to see a medium. 

I just want some kind of connection to him.  I want to know for a solid fact I will be with him again.  I need direction from anyone. Thx  I feel I'm going crazy.  I have all my voice mails from him the night before he passed away.  His mom knew about me and is being super supportive but also I sometimes feel it a conspiracy only so his family don't find out about me.  I get it they want to keep his reputation.

Comment by Darien on January 27, 2017 at 11:30pm

Hi Rain, I haven't seen much activity on here in a while. I try and answer people when I get a notification, but was busier than usual and didn't get out here to comment as quickly as I would have liked.

I'm here if you want to talk.

Comment by Rain on January 19, 2017 at 9:50am
Is anyone still active in this group? I have been searching for a group of this kind that understands this type of pain.
Comment by Darien on August 7, 2016 at 3:20pm

I fell hard and fast for a man I met in April of this year. He and his wife had just called it quits after 24 yrs together. For three years he tried to work things out with his wife who was having an affair. She wouldn't stop lying or cheating, so he decided to divorce. They hadn't filed yet.
He and I were only together for two months before he suddenly broke things off. We agreed to stay friends but I took three weeks away from him to process my hurt over him playing the field a little. He didn't want to get right back into another relationship and was worried about me being a rebound. I had finally decided I was over my hurt feelings and would give him a call in a few days. He died of a heart attack that night.
I never had a chance to talk to him about his reasons for the break up. I always thought that we'd talk it through and I would be able to win him back after he'd gotten done being that little boy in a candy store and the divorce was final. And now, suddenly, I'm completely devastated. I cannot accept that I'll never see, talk to, or touch him again. He was such an amazing man. How can I be this devastated in two months time? How can I be so in love with someone I barely knew?
I read through all your stories out here and see myself in most every one. The wanting something of his, the search to connect into his life somehow, wanting to reach out to his wife and children, the inability to be public about my grief or my love for him. 
Like so many of you, I find that there are no local support groups, counselors don't really seem interested in counseling this sort of grief, and I feel like an idiot even talking to friends about it. After all, he'd broken up with me, they keep saying.
I just never had time to process my feelings for him.

Comment by Tracey Randolph on August 7, 2015 at 6:21pm
I have also been looking for a resource and support
Comment by Peter on August 7, 2015 at 3:38pm

Is anyone still here?  There really is very little support out there.  I bought the book "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" and there is only one paragraph in the book regarding being the other man/woman.

Comment by Cathy Richardson on March 17, 2015 at 9:34pm
Lynden -please email me at catrich1964 @gmail.com
Comment by Lynden on March 17, 2015 at 3:00pm

Is there anyone still active in this group? I am currently in this situation and finding few places to turn, and few people to turn to outside of my therapist who is paid to be nonjudgmental. I have a huge hole in my life that I have to pretend isn't there.

Comment by Ali on December 15, 2014 at 3:01pm
My names Ali, and I was the other woman to a much older man. He was my heart and soul, and I was his. His wife was seeing someone else as well, but they decided not to divorce due to their son having a disability and them not being sure if he'd understand. He passed away in January and since then I've been a mess. I can't stand being alone, and the thought of being with anyone else is complete torcher. Nobody seems to understand.
Comment by Annie M on October 16, 2014 at 1:19pm

Dave, It will be 9 months on the 21st for me and I can tell you that it does get easier.  As life goes on, and it must, I find myself thinking less about my guy and more about what I am going to do to make the most out of the rest of my life.  I'm 72 and probably don't have that many more years to do my best but every day I do try to keep busy and look for ways to be helpful to those that need help.  It isn't an easy road but one we have to travel if we want to ever be normal again.  One regret, out of many, that I have is that I wasn't more present in our relationship.  I always thought there would be more time but then all of a sudden there wasn't any more.  That relationship changed me to the core and I'll never be the same again.  Please know, Dave, that my prayers are with you to get through this a day at a time and that you come out on the other side of this a person that your lady could be proud of.  God bless and keep you, Annie M  

 

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Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
yesterday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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