Being the Other Woman/Other Man

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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situation

Members: 24
Latest Activity: Sep 4

Discussion Forum

So many questions 1 Reply

Last weekend I found out that the man who was my lover and best friend for 10 years has died. Not only is he dead...he was murdered, nearly 2 months ago and I had been so busy and disconnected from…Continue

Started by Amy R. Last reply by Emmyk Sep 4.

I lost a loved one, what now? 2 Replies

Hello, I'm new here. He had a heart attack while with me, I had to call the wife to tell her what happened but denied that I was the other woman. I had to grieve on my own. There was one other person…Continue

Started by Maia. Last reply by Maia Aug 3, 2018.

This has been so hard.. 4 Replies

My relationship started 30 years ago...we knew each other in h.s. We both went our separate ways...talked thru the years..had other marriages..but we connected again two years ago.we both were in…Continue

Started by Lori. Last reply by Krista L Aug 3, 2018.

Still crying 4 Replies

Hello! I am new here...I really need some words of encouragement! This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me! A year this past February, I lost my first love, high school sweetheart and…Continue

Started by Veronica. Last reply by Krista L Jul 18, 2018.

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Comment by Darien on July 17, 2018 at 11:13pm

Hello Krista,
I'm afraid this forum isn't as active as some of us would like. I remember when I first came out here two years ago, raw with emotion. I still have times when I find myself still grieving, although it isn't as painful now as it was. I had the luxury of being able to grieve a little more openly, in that I was single, so I didn't have to keep up pretenses. I feel for you there. It's incredibly hard under the best of circumstances, and you do not have the easiest circumstances to deal with.
I know it sounds trite and unhelpful, but grief takes the time it takes. That you cannot openly grieve is more painful, but grief will not be denied its due. Depending on your age, maybe you can allow yourself to mask venting some of the emotions by claiming "hormones." Maybe take some time alone somehow to allow yourself to cry and do whatever you can to express some of what's pent up inside you.
After the worst of my grief washed through me, I found that there have been some positives come from giving in and allowing grief to have its way with me. I thought I would die too, but I came out stronger and with more clarity and purpose in living my life going forward. Every day was hard for a long time, and I still don't really have any strong emotions of happiness no matter what goes well in my life. But I do have contentment and a sense of purpose, so I hope that you gain some of that soon too.
I don't really know what else to say. I don't have all the answers. You are not alone. You have a purpose and a destiny to fulfill. You can get through this.

Comment by Krista L on July 10, 2018 at 2:40am

I relate to so many of your stories. I lost my lover a year and 4 months ago. My biggest problem is that I don't feel as if I can grieve him. I have to stuff it all inside myself and never just let go. I have to keep up the pretense that I am happy and normal for my husband and my kids even though I feel like I am dying inside. I miss him so very much. I think it is taking me so much longer to let him go because I can't grieve for him openly. I am glad I have found this group so that maybe I can vent a little and know that others understand where I am coming from.

Comment by Monique on February 5, 2018 at 8:57am

Hi I'm new to the group as of today.  I'm not too sure what I'm doing.  My best friend, my soul mate for the past 9 years passed away unexpectedly w/cardiac arrest and aneurysm.  Dec 3rd 2017. 

He's going to have a Birthday this Thursday Feb 8th going to be 49.  I have been super depressed.  I started an antidepressant medication.  Started talking to a counselor.  (She mostly talked about herself).  I'm starting to be obsessed w/ where you go when you die.  I was brought up Catholic and I believe in Haven but I question everything now.  Every time I see someone I ask them "where do you think we go when we die"  I get various responses, from were grass food, energy and change our form, Haven but they can't not see us because Haven has no  pain and if he see's me in this much pain, he would be in pain. 

  I have an appointment with a medium on Sunday.  Some people tell me it's demonic to see a medium. 

I just want some kind of connection to him.  I want to know for a solid fact I will be with him again.  I need direction from anyone. Thx  I feel I'm going crazy.  I have all my voice mails from him the night before he passed away.  His mom knew about me and is being super supportive but also I sometimes feel it a conspiracy only so his family don't find out about me.  I get it they want to keep his reputation.

Comment by Darien on January 27, 2017 at 11:30pm

Hi Rain, I haven't seen much activity on here in a while. I try and answer people when I get a notification, but was busier than usual and didn't get out here to comment as quickly as I would have liked.

I'm here if you want to talk.

Comment by Rain on January 19, 2017 at 9:50am
Is anyone still active in this group? I have been searching for a group of this kind that understands this type of pain.
Comment by Darien on August 7, 2016 at 3:20pm

I fell hard and fast for a man I met in April of this year. He and his wife had just called it quits after 24 yrs together. For three years he tried to work things out with his wife who was having an affair. She wouldn't stop lying or cheating, so he decided to divorce. They hadn't filed yet.
He and I were only together for two months before he suddenly broke things off. We agreed to stay friends but I took three weeks away from him to process my hurt over him playing the field a little. He didn't want to get right back into another relationship and was worried about me being a rebound. I had finally decided I was over my hurt feelings and would give him a call in a few days. He died of a heart attack that night.
I never had a chance to talk to him about his reasons for the break up. I always thought that we'd talk it through and I would be able to win him back after he'd gotten done being that little boy in a candy store and the divorce was final. And now, suddenly, I'm completely devastated. I cannot accept that I'll never see, talk to, or touch him again. He was such an amazing man. How can I be this devastated in two months time? How can I be so in love with someone I barely knew?
I read through all your stories out here and see myself in most every one. The wanting something of his, the search to connect into his life somehow, wanting to reach out to his wife and children, the inability to be public about my grief or my love for him. 
Like so many of you, I find that there are no local support groups, counselors don't really seem interested in counseling this sort of grief, and I feel like an idiot even talking to friends about it. After all, he'd broken up with me, they keep saying.
I just never had time to process my feelings for him.

Comment by Tracey Randolph on August 7, 2015 at 6:21pm
I have also been looking for a resource and support
Comment by Peter on August 7, 2015 at 3:38pm

Is anyone still here?  There really is very little support out there.  I bought the book "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" and there is only one paragraph in the book regarding being the other man/woman.

Comment by Cathy Richardson on March 17, 2015 at 9:34pm
Lynden -please email me at catrich1964 @gmail.com
Comment by Lynden on March 17, 2015 at 3:00pm

Is there anyone still active in this group? I am currently in this situation and finding few places to turn, and few people to turn to outside of my therapist who is paid to be nonjudgmental. I have a huge hole in my life that I have to pretend isn't there.

 

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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, I understand what you mean.  There will never be anymore of what we did together, IT IS FINISHED."
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Mandy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Strike those vacations below, they'll never be another one.  Went on a memorial cruise with my daughter and family four months after she passed because she was so looking forward to it.  It hurt enough to know they'll be no more."
Oct 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes Elynn, the loneliness.  That's painful.  They're not here and always was.  Our best friend, lover, and most precious thing we had.  We were lucky enough to spend the last 8 1/2 years together, joined at the…"
Oct 9
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've had a rough few weeks.   August 31st would have been our 45th wedding anniversary.   September 27 was year 4 of my husband's passing.   It's pretty lonely around here.  Its difficult to talk…"
Oct 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Every day for me is the same day she passed.  Not a joyful or even an ok moment.  I spend a little time with the children and grands and do my best to hide my emotions, but they all know how I am inside, even the youngest grand at age 4…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, I feel the same as you. My sweet dog Babie J is nearing the Rainbow Bridge. I wanted stay on this earth for her. Once she passes I will do nothing to save my own soul.  "
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I don't know if we can rethink our emotions that way. Our emotions are what they are, although reason can help us form our emotions and hopefully change them for the better. I don't know if my mom can hear me or not. I certainly…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"How are you all doing?  I had bad last 2 days. Felt lot of guilt and cried. There were some moments which made me remember my mother.  Also I hear comforting words by a lady that people who have gone from this world can still feel your…"
Oct 8
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I wonder how i am managing.  Not well and to be onest today I wanted to just set a date with death. I am approaching seven years of being without him and though I function towards the outside world better and my crying has lessened but at the…"
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"What a horrible price to pay for love. "
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Loss of a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide

If you have lost a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide please share your story or feelings here. Share the love and beauty of the one you lost. Losing someone any of these ways is not natural and can be hard to understand and ask why? I lost my Mother to an overdose 9 years ago. She also suffered from major depression. Her doctor got her hooked on pain medication and she was addicted most of my life. These doctors who were suppose to help her ended up killing her in the end. I also…See More
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Dayna commented on Kim Darichuk's status
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