Hello.  My name is Heather and I lost my husband, Corey, 2 months ago to a malignant brain tumor that we did not know about.  He was completely asymptomatic until a few days before he died.  We were together for 18 years and have 3 boys - Ian is 7 and Sean and Lucas are 23 months.  I don't know what to do without him.  He was my rock and my best friend.  He worked from home and was completely hands on with the boys and was always here for us.  I have good friend support and I am thankful, but at the end of the day I am a 38 year old single mom and I hate it.  He won't get to see his kids grow up, and the babies are too young to even know him.  This breaks my heart.  I feel like I am in a dark tunnel and I just have to keep going forward because I am told there is light somewhere at the end.  I just don't know when I will see it.  Corey was a funny, happy person - so full of life and so kind.  I can't believe he was taken so soon.  There were so many things we still wanted to do together as a family.  I don't want to live my life without him, but I know I have to go on and take care of our children.  This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I just want to know that I will be okay someday.

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What is really getting me lately is the anxiety.  I have been waking up with it and it doesn't go away some days.  This happened the first few days after everything happened, but then went away, so I'm really not sure how to deal with it.  I have ativan and I see a therapist, so I'm managing it best I can, and I know it's normal, but so uncomfortable.  Some days it takes everything I have just to get up and take care of my kids.  I have no siblings and my parents are older with their own issues/health problems, so I don't have family support.  His brother and family live in Northern CA which isn't too far, but not close enough.  I have good friends that I am very thankful for, but I just want Corey.  He and our boys were everything to me, and he was just taken from us.  The pain is so bad I just do know how to handle it sometimes.  Other days, I'm stronger, but it always comes back.  I know it will lessen with time, but it is just so hard.  I don't sleep well obviously, and I didn't really before either, so I'm always tired.  My appetite is up and down most of the time.  I am doing the best I can to take care of myself and my boys, but sometimes I just want to get under the covers and not come out. 

Heather,

I know how you feel because I feel the exact same way... My fiance was killed in a work accident 2 1/2 months ago and left behind myself and our now almost 7 month old daughter...

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