Comment

Comment by anne on January 8, 2011 at 12:47am

dear karen,

somedays the fog does lift and somedays it gets really foggy. Use the days that are fog free to remember the good stuff. it helps when the days get to foggy. KEEP on writing its the best way to get the bad stuff out at least it is for me. I'll be thinking of you. You can talk to me anytime you want.

Comment by Karen R. on January 8, 2011 at 12:37am

Hey Anne, thanks for your kind and supportive words. Some days, I am such in a fog.....I feel like this never happened to my son, I feel like I am still in this horrible nightmare that I can't snap out of.

I am so greatful for everyone's support on this site.

Comment by anne on January 7, 2011 at 11:36pm

Dear Karen, I wish you peace at this time. I'm sorry for your loss. The love we have for our children is so immeasurable it's hard to think we can live through the pain, but sometimes we do. Sometimes we have no choice. I just pour out my heart in a blog and pray that I can learn from it later on.

Comment by anne on January 7, 2011 at 11:26pm

It will never be ok but it can be different. The pain never goes away but  it does get different. losing a child is never acceptable but it is survivable. We are all here for you. We are all parents who mourn the loss of our children. I myself have had to bury both my beautiful sons, one at a time. I still have feelings of anger and depression and hopelessness but I deal with it one day at a time. It's all I can do. One thing is for sure love never dies and it never goes away. Use this site as a tool to help you get through one day at al time. Were here and we listen and we understand. and you not alone.

Comment by Karen R. on January 7, 2011 at 11:07pm

Greetings Anne.......I agree with what you said about this poem. It reassured me that I am NOT the only person that feels that way over losing my son. It truly validated my feelings. I don't think that I will ever accept what has happened to my son, it will NEVER be "OK".

Comment by anne on January 7, 2011 at 10:19pm

This poem is so truthful, I wish I had written it. These are all words I have said over and over. I have thought about every line at least a dozen times. Thanks for sharing the truth. This poem gave me a bit of relief.

Comment by Karen R. on January 6, 2011 at 10:21pm

Hey Louise...No, I did not write that poem but when I read it, it certainly felt like I did.  I could "taste" every word. Please share it with others.

Comment by coachlouise on January 6, 2011 at 9:12pm

What  a great poem, thank you for sharing, did you write it?

Comment by Karen R. on January 6, 2011 at 7:04pm

Poem about suffering a loss

Unless you've lost a child.......then
Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it.
A part of us died with our child.
Don't tell us they are in a better place.
They are not here with us, where they belong.
Don't say at least they are not suffering.
We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all.
Don't tell us at least we have other children.
Which of your children would you have sacrificed?
Don't ask us if we feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Don't force your beliefs on us.
Not all of us have the same faith.
Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years.
What year would you choose for your child to die?
Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear.
Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else.
Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain.
Don't tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child.
No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things.
Don't take our anger personally.
We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us.
Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room.
We are in pain, but not deaf.
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss.
Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us.
Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away.
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others.
Don't tell us to get on with our lives.
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame.
Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar.
Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too, and you saying
that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those
tired cliches you don't really mean anyway. Just say you're sorry.
Do put your arms around us and hold us.
We need your strength to get us through each day.
Do say you remember our child, if you do.
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.
Do let us talk about our child.
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.
Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.
Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process.
Cry with us if you want to.
Do remember us on special dates.
Our child's birth date, death date and holidays are
a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.
Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child.
We do.
Do show our family that you care.
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.
Do be thankful for children. 


I gave a copy of this poem to family members to read as some of them had know idea how to talk to us about the loss of my son .

Comment by Faith on January 6, 2011 at 11:01am

Thanks Karen! When your child dies it makes it so much harder when the authorities and people in general don't tell you the truth about how the death occurred. Some day I hope I will know everything about Dion's death. When I have someone say stupid comments about how I should be over it or moving on with my life - I want to scream at them show me which one of your children you want to lose so you can "get over it"!! Maybe if you show me how you do it then I can follow your example!! So many people just talk and say things without checking with their brains first; they just let it roll out of their mouths. I pray that things will be known in the circumstances surrounding your son's "accident". Thanks for understanding...I know this is one place we can come and people will understand our need for outbursts, anger and we can let our pain be felt because here we are understood! thanks again karen 

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