Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 923
Latest Activity: Jul 5

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

A proof of love 13 Replies

I just have a simple question...Is a headstone proof of how much a person was loved?Continue

Started by Toni Jones. Last reply by Christine Jun 3.

Loosing my father unexpectadly 1 Reply

Hi i lost my dad just over 2 months ago now and its harder and harder everyday for me to cope. He was run over by a car on his way to my house and just a house over is where he was found i cant get…Continue

Started by Dawn Mohi. Last reply by John Barry May 9.

book 6 Replies

no 1 giv us a book on way we deal on loss we do it way we doContinue

Started by JO B. Last reply by JO B Apr 25.

unexpected 2 Replies

hi i am 16 and i tragically lost my step father the night of july 1-aka july 2 2015 but it was at 2:51 am. i had gotten home that night from being with my friends and i went to bed and i was awaken…Continue

Started by sivan yarchi. Last reply by sivan yarchi Mar 1.

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Traumatic, Sudden Loss to add comments!

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 6, 2017 at 3:10pm
Iv done a lot of thinking today, another saturdaynspent a lone, a datnthatbused to be our favourite day of the week. Why dismayed have to die on a Saturday, it was our day,Mae spent all,day together,either in the garden or in front of fire, just talking, reading, watching tv, just happy in each other's company, not needing anyone else. 8 weeks today my life ended. No more peace love laughter or happiness, just pain and grief. But one thing I have realised today is that I don't want this pain to go. If there was a day when one thing happens or i see something that reminds me of Shirl and I don't feel this agonising pain I would be terrified that meant I had forgot her and was moving on, I never ever want to stop missing and loving her so don't ever want to stop hurting? The pain keeps her alive inside me and that's all iv got left of her now. Does this make sense
Comment by JO B on May 4, 2017 at 4:03pm

yep so tru 1 day it a day its lk bean a a baby agan cralin thn baby stps but dnt try2 rush grief evn if it taks yrs dnt rush it or let pepel bully us in 2 it it in 2 it

my hes all ovr it min coz moms got alz/dem wish cud tak yrs of msry for her us 2 i neam faly famly 

had so mush loss its got my hed bated it in 

i wush u cud of stad in 2011 nevr leve 2011 coz 212 212 2012 wz  my stred of a shit coster rid wish i still on u cud say

2013 wz loss 2 thn 2014 2015 2015 20116 2016 had 2 get my fur kid of 16 yrs of frndshp pts i had 2 

im scred 2 gt 2 clos 2 pepel i am in cas i lozze thm i am do i sond mad iv bean hear sisne 2012 i hav its juts 2 mush loss its getin 2 me it is

Comment by stewart p on May 4, 2017 at 12:24pm

karen stephenson

you just do, one day at a time, it sucks, its horrible, it stinks and nothing good about it but you go through it and in the process something happens that changes nearly everything you ever thought about life before if you let it happen, the pain is just that, emotional pain but it will not kill any of us, but it does hurt god awful, bone crushing, gut wrenching at times.  Ive spent plenty a night and day feeling that horrible pain so i know what it feels like, but we live to see another day and so on, i know it might sound kind of cliche, but thats what happens and eventually more time passes and for many people you just get use to it, adapt to the new surreal i guess for lack of a better word.  Best to you

Comment by stewart p on May 4, 2017 at 12:07pm

Coming up on 4 years for me after being married 23 and have my world shaken apart all in lousy piece of sh5%t night.  It is hard, up and down and all around, one day better, next day worst.  Ive been to bereavement groups, counseling, no drugs tough legal or otherwise, hold up in my house for weeks on end with the shades drawn, you name it I been there.  But life goes on with or without and frankly im tired of it rolling me over and feeling like a truck just hit me.  By the 2nd year or so i just simply forced myself to start doing things, biking, hiking, school, new jobssss, and im still working on it but its getting better.  My life that is, the missing the other person you shared so much of your life with aint evern going away, get use to it, you better.  I have, its just part of who i am today, but it doesnt have to control or dictate the life i live going forward.  But the one thing I started to really realize, or wake up to lately espeically after sharing so many years of my life with someone and building my world around them, with her gone Ive been lost for 4 years, and still even today Im really not sure where to go, what to do, methaphorically speaking.  The kids are on their own, the house is empty and she is gone and I dont know.  the center of my world is gone and has been gone and while Ive employed some hands on experieinces to get out of the house and begin doing things the underlying reason is a little vague these days and most noticable when i come home at the end of the day and she aint there, which then begs the question did i really need to come home any longer to this place?  And while I could choose to keep doing so Im not sure why i would, and so right now for me, its more to do with finding a reason to the things im doing.  I mentioned im back in school part time, new career, but honestly there are times i ask myself why, what for?  I know originally it was to break out the rut i had found my self in after her death, but not im looking for a reason to do it.  IDK, maybe I wont, maybe I'll try something new next week, but somewhere somehow there is something of a life left to be lived for me as sad as it is without her.

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 4, 2017 at 11:47am
Thing is how do we know what they'd want, I know they'd want us to be happy and not be in pain, but then they would be the same if we'd died, I don't think Shirl would expect me to just carry on, she would know I be in bits. I don't think she will be happy without me either, trouble is we do have a choice but it's being brave enough to make it, which is scarier, living this life alone for years and years or taking a quick get out and hopefully being reunited.
Comment by Jerry on May 4, 2017 at 7:17am

Life is so weird, like a totally different dimension, different planet, out of the world. It's like I transparently spectate in this new life with every thought having to pass through a barrier wall of my beloved. I miss her so much, and just keeping clicking off the days as I get them, knowing some day I won't have to do this anymore, but no clue as to when, so, as she would want, make it work the best you can, you have no (good) choice.

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 4, 2017 at 4:41am
Each day is getting worse, it's coming up to 8 weeks, how how have I survived 8 weeks without holding, talking,laughing,speaking, 8 months of hell and pain and knowing this is my future.
I can't go on like this, I really don't see the point. People say I am coping well,Ffs! I'm doing only what has to be done, I'm crying all the time, even when working. I can't eat or sleep. I hate being in bed as its a huge empty space. I can't afford to stay in our home but how the hell can I sell it, so I just do nothing. I have poisonous people trying to hurt me more,that makes me laugh as if anything can hurt more than this, they can send their solicitors letters I just burn them. Nothing in all my 52 years has prepared me for this pain.
Comment by karen stephenson on April 20, 2017 at 11:11pm
Just lost my best friend to a sudden death. I am lost and desolate with grief. Don't know how I can go on now.
Comment by nicole rae on April 12, 2017 at 10:29am

its nice that someone would call and ask how you are, however they nor you should expect a timeline on "feeling better", its been five years for me since the suicide and it still feels like yesterday. The only people who will understand are those who have experienced the same. It is not the same kind of grief when its a suicide or an unexpected death that happened tragically or in a way that scars you forever. Give yourself some room to breathe and anyone who infiltrates your energy with negativity needs to be distanced from. It took me a year or three to deal with "the others" and I call them that because now its simply two groups those who understand and "the others" who don't. Sending love and positive thoughts to all of you, focus on one day at a time, that's all you need to do.

Comment by JO B on April 9, 2017 at 5:17pm

for me over 5 yrs i no n hear notimlimet hw long we grief cud be 10 yrs or 00 100 yrs we cud still gruef we cud 

im still not me lady iwz in 2012 she died 2 wen her dad died thn multi loss non 2 evry loss bit of me died 2 

im a crash u cud say im nt a survir im not me ill never be me evr agan 

no 1 wote a rule bok on hw we shud gref


Members (923)


Latest Activity

Linda Engberg replied to Linda Engberg's discussion No one cares after spouses death.
"That was beautifully said Jon-Paull"
6 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to Trina H's discussion Coping with the death of my baby girl
"Her is an interesting resource. (just click or tap on the link) It discusses the Bibles view of Death. Why we die, but especially the hope that the Bible gives us about the future. I hope it helps with some hope and comfort. When a Loved One Dies"
7 hours ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman replied to trav's discussion Death of a soulmate(spouse) : Single, Suicide or moving on in life?
"Haha Trav, She won't let you lol. I've tried. They want Us to fulfill this life before chasing them to the next. I suggest cactus treatment. Maybe even microdosing psilocybin for the reoccurring pain that will never go away. You'll…"
16 hours ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman replied to Linda Engberg's discussion No one cares after spouses death.
"No. Nobody cares. We have nobody. All we have is Our decisions. The One we love most never leaves Us. We have become One. Is the beauty of true marriage. Not even death can do Us part."
16 hours ago
Richard Rivera added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...


Annette's been dead just under eight months. My grieving hasn't stopped. I try but I keep getting worse mentally and physically. My groin has swollen more and now due to the fluid build its reaching past my knees. Grotesque doesn't come close to the sight of my misshapen body. I am a freak who is stared at whenever I manage to find the slight strength to go out. So it got me to thinking. As homely as I am, as disgusting as I have become, I remember those three words my wife and I lived with…See More
16 hours ago
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hearing about people's cats makes me want to say the name of our dear little cat Spooky. She was one of those sweet cats that wait for you at the door, recognize the sound of your car approaching, and come when you of course we were…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Irina, I have over 20 diferent types of shirts with missing my Husband quotes They show the different ones on the advertisments on Facebook Linda"
Mike H. posted a blog post

Mankind’s Fight Against Mortality

NOTE: My blogs are not posted with the intention of promoting any organization or religion. The goal of these blogs are to provide the same comfort I received for the death of a loved one. Enjoy.Death is a fearsome enemy. We fight it with all our might. We may try to deny it when it strikes someone dear to us. Or, in the exuberance of youth, we may imagine that the enemy will never come to claim us—a delusion we cling to as long as we can.Few thought more about immortality than the ancient…See More
Mike H. updated their profile
irina s joined kimberly rowe's group

mY sOuLmAtE, mY bEsTfRiEnD,mY sUpErMaN,mY eVeRyThInG

this is ment for the people who have lost the closest thing to them it doesnt matter if its a person or an animal it's stilla lost and they all hurt
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have been so lonely the past two days.   Have no desire to do anything right now.  Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son.  Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).…"
Pearl Irene replied to Karen's discussion Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I lost my son Dalton, June 16, 2017. He was riding his Motorcycle, lost control and hit a concrete light pole. He died instantly. He was quite a character, one of a kind. He was the warrior for the underdog, a sponge for any type of knowledge…"
Pearl Irene joined Karen's group

Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
Pearl Irene replied to jordan's discussion I don't no what to do anymore
"Jordan, there are some churches that have grief meetings. I have been considering it, but I thought I would wait a while. My grief is very new since my son died last month. This is something you have been carrying for years. The memory box from your…"
Lost with out him posted a status
"I am now suffering PTSD about the actual "death". I cannot get that vision out of my head. I tried to save him.."
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John, I understand.  Aside from Summer and Benny, I still get sad about the loss of our dog Sandy, who we had when I was a kid and through my college years.  She died when I was in college, and I still love and miss her.  I don't…"
Profile IconBri, deena nygaard, Anne MacGregor and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
KIM Montgomery commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Cancer sucks.  My husband didn't even last 6 months."
KIM Montgomery joined Katherine Ellis's group

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
joanne posted a blog post

© 2017   Created by Diana, Grief Counselor.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service