Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Debra A. Whitemaine on December 1, 2014 at 5:52pm

Lost all motivation,  I am very sorry for your loss.  I lost my Dad unexpectedly September 2012 during an operation.  I didn't have the feelings you are describing.  I have health issues and my Dad was one of my supporters so I did feel a great loss.  I did many things to honor his memory and that was very helpful for me and still is.  I also went to a therapist/counselor and this was also very helpful for me.  I am the type of person that talking about things helps me.  Maybe try opening up a little and see if it helps you.  I felt I did a lot of strange or different things but it felt right.  So just go with what feels right to you.  Thoughts and prayers.

Permalink Reply by Danny on December 11, 2014 at 3:21pm

Great Debra that you did the counselor thing as well as many things to honor his memory.  Thats the main thing I want to focus on for now.

Permalink Reply by charles daley on December 9, 2014 at 9:35pm

1. I'm so sorry for your loss i lost my dad when i was about 16 years old i  had to get back to normal due to family issues. and then i lost  my wife about 5 years ago and i really had no self esteem or  motivation and to this day i still don't because i feel i'm to blame for her death and and on top of griefing for my wife my mom this past april and i way i feel i'm to blame for her death  too  so right now i have no self esteem or motivation  i can't even  sleep sometimes  .again i'm sorry for your loss

Permalink Reply by JLL on December 10, 2014 at 11:30am

Hi Kelley, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dad :-( ! I think when it is really hard to fathom how such a thing could have happened that perhaps it ignites a type of terror/anxiety since though we are aware of our own mortality,it isn't something we imagine happening- especially while simply going about a normal routine. When we can't conceive of answers given or aren't given any answers at all (which is what I experienced) the questions we seek out play through our own minds; sometimes endlessly....I know that for me it has left me in a place of such grief that I find myself completely alone; day in and day out-but for my dog-I don't think I'd ever leave the house...I wish I could say something uplifting like "he passed while doing something he enjoyed"...or something...but to answer your question; yes-the wall before me is very daunting and again; I am very very sorry you are experiencing that pain too... 

Permalink Reply by Donna on December 26, 2014 at 8:24pm

Kellie:

I am so sorry for your loss.  My husband died very unexpectedly October 25 and I am with you, no motivation and a feeling of anxiety when I am out for any period of time.  Right now, I am just trying to get through one day at a time and it isn't a good feeling to live this way.  I too have a wall up to everything.  I wish I had some good advice for you but unfortunately do not because I don't know how to go on without my husband.  Such a huge loss and void. 

Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on February 15, 2015 at 2:21pm

I am so sorry for your loss - I lost my wife last august, and grappled with a lack of motivation and self esteem myself, along with guilt and anger.

 

I can say that these feelings are somewhat normal.  Grief counseling has been a great help, as has spirituatlity and reaching out to friends and family.   No one grieves in the exact same way and there is no timeline and schedule as to how you should feel at any given point.  

 

As for me my professional side - I am a funeral director - kicked in soon after I discovered my wife had died at home in bed and to a large degree my professional training somewhat  inhibited my ability to grieve at the beginning. A funeral director becomes accustomed to not showing how they feel inside and we are very good at keeping a poker face when we are troubled. This short circuting of my feelings manifested itself in guilt for me, and made me question whether or not I was capable of human emotion.   I wonder if your professional side as a health and body image coach might have similarly affected the way you dealt with your loss internally. 

 

Anyways,  please keep reaching out to this community.  Even though all of us have suffered the loss of someone we love, none of us can know exactly how you are feeling.   We can, however, provide support and friendship to you from a place of understanding and compassion.

Permalink Reply by Felicia Evans on February 22, 2015 at 11:24pm

Steve, I have a problem crying in front of other people. Sometimes I make light of a situation to keep from crying. I viewed crying as a sense of weakness. I never ever wanted to let anyone know I was weak. Then I thought people will take advantage of me. However, with the sudden loss of my oldest and dearest nephew I couldn't help but cry in front of people and for the first time in many years in front of my husband. Because I dont cry people think I'm uncaring or cold. It is not true. Im trying to protect my heart. It might sound silly but that's what I'm trying to do. This is the most devasting loss of all because it was unexpected. My mom passed away 4 months before my nephew...we knew that was coming but it still difficult when it happened. Anyway, I just thought I would share. I'm taking one day at a time. Hang in there everyone.