hi my name is kim, I lost my son noe 5 , I was taking him to the doctors and he left me in my van, I screamed and screamed for him to not leave me, it was his heart  he was only 40, I died that day to. I cry all day and night, without him I don't have anything to live for. im so empty and alone. I pray everynight to go with him.  the pain is unbearable, I cant go on with out my shawn. I don't want to go on. its like a very bad dream I just cant wake up from. 

Views: 1127

Replies to This Discussion

KIm - I know your pain. I lost my only child on Dec. 1,2012 in a tragic car accident. He was 17. For the last 1 1/2 years I have been dragging myself through this horror. Through his 18 birthday and 19th and holidays, etc. I think for the first year I was in shock - unable to bear even the thought of what has happened. The sudden loneliness and uselessness you feel when your only child is gone. And the hollow future - no marriage, no grand children, no heir. Who would even what my "things" that I would have pass on to my son. No one really. They only held meaning in our family. The only thing that has gotten me through is that my faith has strengthened and I know this spirit lives on and one day we will be together on "the other side". Until then it is so so hard to re engage with the world. I don't want to live without him either Kim. None of us do. But finding the way to do that is what your child would want you to do. I try to do things to honor his memory and the things and people he loved the most. But my house is so quiet and lonely. I was a stay at home mom and my son suffered from Crohn's disease so he was home schooled  the last year of his life, Just when he was getting better , this stupid, unnecessary car accident. It is hard work to get through all the emotions -  the anger, the shock, the depression, the unbelievable pain. I am so sorry for everyone here and appreciate a place to share.

hi connie, im so very sorry for your loss to. and thank you for careing. I go to see him everyday, and all I seem to do is cry. my husband has been my rock helping me with everything. I feel so empty in side and just want to go with him. I do know your pain, and it is so unbearable. I have lost my faith in god for taking away the love of my life. I have lost friends because they say they don't know what to say to me,  I feel my sisters are not here for me either. both sisters have 2 daughters each and I don't want to hear about them, I feel its just not fare. why my son why? I sleep with everything I can of his, to smell him makes me feel close. I have not had a dream since he went away. I need so bad to hear from him, to know hes ok and with my mom. how can he take him and not me? and leave us in so much pain for the rest of our lives?  again thank you and please take care,

Dear Kim

 I do know how hard this is. i wish I could be there to give you a hug.  I know it feels like it is impossible to go on. I know. But you have to be strong and know that God did not do this to you and that your child will always be with you in spirit. I have found comfort in seeking spiritual counseling because right now the pain and grief are so overwhelming it helps to have a guiding hand. Just know that you are not alone. We are all here for you and altho that doesn't help the reality, it is the reality. Hold on, and take it a day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to. Have you looked for any support group in you area? Compassionate Friends is a support group that is national and for those who have lost children or siblings. They also have a facebook page you can go for support. Some days that's all you can do. And that is enough. I have found that doing things to honor my son's memory helps me and others who just don't know what to do or say. For instance, planting a tree or garden in their memory. Or releasing balloons with personal messages. Anything positive that you can do with others will help lighten your burden. Also just helping others in need refocuses your energy. Right now, your grief is so raw, I know this all sounds insane and you just want to curl up and join your child. I get it. We all do unfortunately. I am so sorry for your loss. Please PM me any time you want to talk.

I too want to hear my son's voice saying "hi Mom". I imagine it everyday

just sitting here crying, wishing with all my heart for a hug, a kiss and phone call from shawn to hear him call me mom, my heart will never be the same, ever. I feel so alone so broken,  so very tired,

I miss my shawn so much, the pain never goes away. his butterfly bush is his memory garden is so beautiful with flowers, they smell so wonderfull. I hope he can see it. I keep asking why am I still here, why has shawn not come to me, to take my hand so I can go with him. please let me hear  ( mom ) again, let me here  ( I love you ) his laugh his smile. where do all the tears come from, everyday and night. I keep telling myself he will call me soon I know he will . I know shawn would never ever leave me. I just want my suffering to stop, why does he not take me, I need my son without him I cant live or go on, hes my world, my love, my life.  I love you baby and miss you with everything I have.   forever mom

Hi Kim.  I lost my beautiful son, age 25, to a drug overdose last month and I feel the same way you do.  My life stretches out before me so empty and desolate.  I feel like all the love I have for my son is pouring from my body like blood and without him here to absorb it, I will die.  He was my favorite person to spend time with and he was doing so well!  I can't believe that he could make this one mistake and now my life is in ruins.

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service