I come from a family of seven children, 4 boys and 3 girls. Our mother died back in 2005 of lung disease. All 7 of us have never really been close (some closer then others) but her death tore us apart even more for a few years. Some of us mended fences some didn't. I just thought that was a rough time on our family. In March of this year (I will refer to siblings by number) #2 brother shot and killed #1 sister's son AND #4 brother's wife. He also tried to kill himself by taking pills but survived and is now in jail awaiting trial. Our father was also in the house at the time but was unharmed.

I am going through so many mixed emotions but also trying to be there for the sister who lost her son and the brother that lost his wife.

Any suggestions on how to be there for them but deal with my own stages of grief? Including feeling guilty about my feelings and can't even start to imagine what they are going through.

Views: 116

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Susie,

I don't know how to help but just stand their and be visible.

Hi Susie, 

Well, it has been three years since you posted but I decided to reply anyway just in case.

First, I want to say I am deeply sorry for your loss. 

I hate to compare and I really don't mean to offend anyone but I would Give Anything to have lost my mother in any other way than to a violent death.  A death that came with so much hate and senselessness.  I can relate to how you feel more than others' grief because our family members have been taken via a homicide. There are not many of us out there (thank goodness).  A violent death is unexplainable.  If I could give my life to erase her violent passing, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

It's very difficult to find support groups for this but if you can find one in your area, I'd go.  There are Tons for loss of a child, or loss because of cancer or suicide ...I could go on.. but for homicide? There are very little resources and there are none where I live.  I hope you're in an area where there is one.

I'm no expert, by any means, but it sounds like you are a great support to your sister and brother.  It sounds like they are lucky to have you.  

Good luck and warmest regards~

I lost my mother in an extremely violent way as well. I am sorry for your loss too. this makes me sad to read this. I was just 17 at the time and had very little resources. I still have very little resources. How do you cope? I feel as though I can also relate as my mother was taken via homicide by my father who left her there for me to find. Now, the only living blood relative to me is my father, who I don't speak to and my daughter who I got pregnant with just 6 months after my mother died. I remember thinking to myself how am I going to have a baby without my mother?

Best of luck to you and I hope to hear from you, on what gets you through your days, because 7 years later I still cannot get through mine. And my father has been just granted a retrial so he may get a lesser charge/get out.

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

M Adams commented on Mel Royer's blog post Dark Night and Day of the Soul
"So sorry to hear of your experience with aphasia...how scary and awful! Don’t know if this is what you meant by almost comedic but there is definitely a nasty black humour vibe to inflicting that problem on a radio broadcaster of all people,…"
10 hours ago
morgan commented on Mel Royer's blog post Dark Night and Day of the Soul
"Thanks for checking in Mel.  I had to look up aphasia.  I would hazard a guess that your neural system has taken a beating from your grief and your brain just wants to shut down.  I know I have times where I stutter during a breakdown…"
yesterday
morgan left a comment for Susan Bishop
"Susan B,  I am so sorry.  To try and live without that person who was by your side for 52 years is a living nightmare.  I had 35 married years but 55 of knowing him (since second grade).  That much history buries the person left…"
yesterday
dream moon JO B posted photos
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"not bean a grt wk on pepple passin i no plu  plus near dads anvers 10 or 9 daysi am i no its bean 8 yrs "
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, Thanks for your kind post. I feel the same as you about getting another pet. No other dog could ever take her place and no man could ever take the place of My Dear Husband, Julian. As with you, I don't want to face anymore deaths…"
yesterday
Mel Royer posted a blog post

Dark Night and Day of the Soul

Hello Morgan, Bluebird, Linda at al. I'm sorry it has been so awfully long since my last contact.  A Year? I have always read the posts, though and have felt the same horrible burning pain I have the last, nearly 5 years since Nancy left me. I have had a couple of tia's including a lengthy bout of "aphasia". It was almost comedic as I couldn't talk but kept trying to tell the emt's which hospital to drop me at. This year, I have come to the concludion will be my year, 2020 will be the year I…See More
yesterday
Susan Bishop is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same as both of you. morgan, I'm sorry you had a particularly bad day -- I certainly know what that's like. I hope today is easier for you. Linda, I know what you mean about your dog. When our cat died, aside from the sadness I…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, I just wish I could have died with Julian. Like you, everyday I just go through motions. I am blessed with my Sweet Dog, Babie J. I am living for her. She now has dementia and it is so sad to watch her declining. She has been by side…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Amen Linda.......Today for whatever reason was a particularly rough day.  I am exhausted from crying.   I just don't know how long I can keep pushing forward.  I am definitely in the hate mode......."
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Maybe open yourself up, try to ride that love and passion I see in you. You loved your husband so deeply, focus on that. Maybe we are still here because we need to evolve a bit more or do something that God wants us to do. looking back I feel you…"
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Exactly If We are wrong we won’t know it, but we do know that we are energy (souls), basic physics says energy cannot be destroyed. Anything is better than existing here in this void!"
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"If you focus on the light and the good, that’s is God! I have felt it, I don’t know anything about plans or why people get taken before others but I do know that wherever that next realm  is I’m ready to go I am not…"
Friday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That's great that you have no doubt about the existence of an afterlife. I doubt there's a god, but if there is one I'm not convinced it's a loving God, as it allowed my husband to die young(-ish) and one week after our wedding.…"
Friday
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Over the years I have thought that Bluebird gets it much more than almost everyone who has written about this - at least from my point of view. At the root of this, I think, it's the absence of their presence that hurts so much.  I…"
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"bluebird I can’t help but hold out hope in reading all these entries from people that some of them made it to the next realm. That is the reason we don’t hear from some anymore, because they passed on with with their loved ones.  I…"
Thursday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you, Joe. It does help a little bit."
Thursday
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Jeff,  Amazing isn't it?  I keep asking myself how it is I could still hurt so much from having my husband no longer with me on this earthly plane.  Not because I don't know it isn't possible but more, what is it that…"
Thursday

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service