I come from a family of seven children, 4 boys and 3 girls. Our mother died back in 2005 of lung disease. All 7 of us have never really been close (some closer then others) but her death tore us apart even more for a few years. Some of us mended fences some didn't. I just thought that was a rough time on our family. In March of this year (I will refer to siblings by number) #2 brother shot and killed #1 sister's son AND #4 brother's wife. He also tried to kill himself by taking pills but survived and is now in jail awaiting trial. Our father was also in the house at the time but was unharmed.

I am going through so many mixed emotions but also trying to be there for the sister who lost her son and the brother that lost his wife.

Any suggestions on how to be there for them but deal with my own stages of grief? Including feeling guilty about my feelings and can't even start to imagine what they are going through.

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Hi Susie,

I don't know how to help but just stand their and be visible.

Hi Susie, 

Well, it has been three years since you posted but I decided to reply anyway just in case.

First, I want to say I am deeply sorry for your loss. 

I hate to compare and I really don't mean to offend anyone but I would Give Anything to have lost my mother in any other way than to a violent death.  A death that came with so much hate and senselessness.  I can relate to how you feel more than others' grief because our family members have been taken via a homicide. There are not many of us out there (thank goodness).  A violent death is unexplainable.  If I could give my life to erase her violent passing, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

It's very difficult to find support groups for this but if you can find one in your area, I'd go.  There are Tons for loss of a child, or loss because of cancer or suicide ...I could go on.. but for homicide? There are very little resources and there are none where I live.  I hope you're in an area where there is one.

I'm no expert, by any means, but it sounds like you are a great support to your sister and brother.  It sounds like they are lucky to have you.  

Good luck and warmest regards~

I lost my mother in an extremely violent way as well. I am sorry for your loss too. this makes me sad to read this. I was just 17 at the time and had very little resources. I still have very little resources. How do you cope? I feel as though I can also relate as my mother was taken via homicide by my father who left her there for me to find. Now, the only living blood relative to me is my father, who I don't speak to and my daughter who I got pregnant with just 6 months after my mother died. I remember thinking to myself how am I going to have a baby without my mother?

Best of luck to you and I hope to hear from you, on what gets you through your days, because 7 years later I still cannot get through mine. And my father has been just granted a retrial so he may get a lesser charge/get out.


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