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Comment by gramaokie on July 5, 2010 at 11:08pm

Hello to each of you. This is my first time on this site. My most recent losses started December 2007 when my youngest cousin died from pancreatic cancer. My sister-in-law, who was also my best friend, lost her battle with breast cancer December 2008. My mother found my younger brother dead in his apartment bathroom March 9, 2010. He had had a brain tumor removed in July 2007 and subsequently developed a condition called frontal lobe syndrome. From the time his wife died until we lost him, we had to take over his finances, help him with medications, treatment, etc. He was getting ready to see his neurologist when he apparently had a seizure. Then, on May 4, 2010, my dad had a severe pain in his leg that got progressively worse until he couldn't get up from his chair.. He & Mom waited for my afternoon visit before they called an ambulance. Mom thought he had somehow pulled a muscle. He was admitted to the hospital and the next afternoon he had a seizure and went into a coma. He had been on dialysis 14 years and was a real fighter. God waited until all of the family had time to get here and say "good-bye". He died May 7. I feel like I'm in a nightmare. I didn't get to say "good-bye" to my brother, and I miss my daddy more than I ever thought possible. My surviving brother lives five states away. So, I'm trying to help my mom. Beyond that, I'm not motivated to do anything. I know that I've rambled but it helps to share. I don't question God's plan, but I miss my family. I know without being told over & over by well-meaning people that they are all truly in a better place.

Comment by Cheryl on July 5, 2010 at 7:32pm

It's heartbreaking reading everyone's posts but it helps me to know that I'm not alone. I thank each and every one of you for your courage to write whats on your hearts and your strength in being honest. It's hard, this journey we must go on but at least we have a faithful God and each other. My husband and I are going camping Wednesday for a few days (we live in Alaska). I hope the weather gets better (it's been cloudy and rainy, which really depresses me). Hope everyone had a nice 4th, enjoy the coming week. God bless you, Cheryl

Comment by Nikita Worrell on July 5, 2010 at 6:37am

Hello I have had a tough past couple of years. 2008-09 was the hardest for me within 4 months i lost my grandfather my best friend and my great grandmother. Dec22,08 my grandfather was killed in a head on collision . Febuary 7,2009 my best friend passed away of an illness that she had been fighting for 9 years, March 29,09 from an illness . it was very hard for me to except and still is I have moved from tx to ak again and having a problem fighting this all alone i have felt left alone in this world. and it has not stoped more of my family seems to be passing away with in 4 months of each other i had 2 babys die in my family right around the end of 2009. It has changed how i live my life i am always depressed and my dr says there is nothing wrong with me but i know there is. why is it that when it rains on a family it pours ? I need a break from death. its getting to over whelming for me I have wanted to just quit living but i know i cant well I hope I can talk to someone sometime about this I hope that God has blessed each one of yall as he has me with a wonderful family, Everytime i get sad i remember that no matter where i go all my family and friends who have passed will be with me and watching over me .

Comment by Jennifer Harvel on May 9, 2010 at 7:35pm

My losses started Nov 09 with a cousin, then mom, 2 more cousins, an aunt, my cat to cancer, and another cousin-- all before April 2010. I'be been staying busy with work, but as a teacher with summer coming, I DO NOT look forward to the down time without mom. She and i did everything together: traveling, visiting those cousins, shopping, ball games and just being together. Now what do i do?

Comment by Becky Petrie-Hamilton on May 9, 2010 at 4:01pm

My losses started with my daughter in Feb,2006 in a cae accident,4 months later my husband to cancer,2 months later my cousin who was like a sister to me, then in Jan 2008, my dad and now my soul mate, John. Sometimes I'm not even who I'm grieving for.
John and had been married in May of 1969, which ended in divorce 4 years and one baby later. We had kept in touch all these years. Even though he went his way and I mine. John came out in Sept 2009 to visit and it was like we had never been apart. We both just knew that we should be together. John decided to move from N.Y. to Missouri to be here with me. He moved here in Oct. and we were extremely happy. Both of us felt like teenagers again.In Jan he got sick and was in the hospital-we thought he had pneumonia. and that's when they found spots on his lungs- they did a biopsey the end of Jan and when we went back for the results drs. told us it was small cell cancer and he had 6 months to a year. He decided not to go through any treatment as it would only give him "maybe" 6 more months. We decided to remarry on our anniversary, May2. on April 12 John passed away. I feel very cheated, we were so looking forward to our "golden years" together. I fell confused, forsaken, angry, extremely sad,lost and depressed all at once. The pain or hurt I feel on the loss of John is so more intense.than it was with Larry. I want to understand the "WHY" even though I know in my head I 'm not to question God's reasons but my heart wants an anwser. I feel sick in my soul and I cry at the drop of a hat, I just feel like a robot doing want I have to. sometime the flood of tears just won't stop. I miis John so terribly bad, my heart is not just broken but feels like in is ripped out.

Comment by Amy Kuptz on March 13, 2010 at 12:34pm

Hi I'm Amy. I am new to this site. I guess I should start by explaining my losses. I lost my mother in 2002 after being in a coma for 9 months due to a heart attack. While she was in a coma her sister, my aunt, passed. I then lost my grandmother, their mother also in 2002. In 2003 I then lost my grandfather. In 2005 my other grandmother (dad's side) passed the day before I graduated high school. I also lost my dad's father and brother when I was younger. Then the day before Thanksgiving 2005 another of my mother's sister and her husband died in a car accident, they were on their way home from grocery shopping for Thanksgiving. A year ago I lost my first love to suicide. He had been there for me when my mother passed and we kept in touch after we broke up. He lost his mother also. I also lost my first baby niece last August.
Having wrote all this out I am thinking wow I am strong. But still I don't know how I got this far. I was 16 when my mom died and pretty much raised my sister because my dad took to alcoholism when she passed. It is still so hard and I feel like one day I will just crack. I live with this grief every day even thought it has gotten better it never goes away. These people should be in my life, they can't be replaced and all I can do is give tribute to their memorial.

Comment by Cheryl on February 2, 2010 at 9:45pm

Bangding I am amazed at your strength and my heart goes out to you, you have been through so much my friend. I know you must be hurting awfully bad inside. Please know that you are among people who can emphasise with you and we care. Take care.
Cheryl

Comment by nice girl on February 2, 2010 at 12:55pm

oh.....so complicated....so sad...but reality. My sister was dying of AIDS/Cancer 38 yrs old. My mom was broken...blaming it all on herself (never was her fault) My Mom was so sad...no energy. I tried my best to support both my sister and mom. My mom died in Jan 09....my sister watched. Then my sister died 2 months later March 09...with out my Mom to hold her...I did, but everyone needs their Mom. My step father blamed my sis ter for my Mom's death....then he had a heart attack (May 09) He survived. (at the same time he had a new girlfriend 4 months after my mom died...i met her for the first time in ICU-my parents had been married for 25 years...it shocked me) My father survived. then 2 months later one of my closest friends friends killed his two small children, his wife then himself ( August 09) No one saw this coming...I had just talked to him the week before....also, i during this time...I took a promotion....then almost got restructured out of a job...I put my 14 year old dog to sleep and my 18 year old cat is terminal with cancer...I lost triplets during childbirth in 2004 ...yes, all this is true. So .... I am surviving...yup, friends did not know what to say....most were not there when I watched my sister die .... it was a HORRIFIC death. even hospice said it was bad (the morphine needle had fallen out and the morphine was dripping on the floor...we did not see that for 24 hours- i was on the other side of the bed) I do have a partner that has stood by me through this all...I am going to marry her this year. I am proud that I am making it through this....I am marching like a brave soldier...like i promised my mother I would.

Comment by Cheryl on January 30, 2010 at 6:07pm

Dear Alison, I am very sorry for everything you and your son are going through. My son was 10 when my mom passed away and they were very close. At first it was very hard for him to talk about her but he came around some months later on. Keep loving on him and in his own time, he will come around. There is a site that has really helped me out a lot that you may want to check out. They have some excellent children's books on death. It is faith based. wwwgriefshare.com I am glad you joined this group. I am new too.

Comment by Alison on January 29, 2010 at 12:42pm

Hello. I am new here. My name is Alison. I have 2 young children and have been married for almost 8 years. I lost my mother in law in November of 2009 then lost my grandfather 5 days later. It was awful. I feel like I deserted my husband the day after his mom died to be at my dying grandfathers side. I worry most about my 7 yr old son. He was so close to his grandma. She had been very sick and was at a hospital several hours away. I am saddened to say he did not see her 2 months prior to her death. He does not like to talk about her. He changes the subject when we try to talk to him. His teacher talked with me about his changed behavior in the past 2 weeks. I have made an appointment w/ our family doctor to see if he has any ideas.

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