Missing my Son or Daughter

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Comment by Karen on November 23, 2009 at 8:15pm

I Hate & Dread the holidays - Will be so glad when they are over-

Comment by Katherine Ellis on November 23, 2009 at 5:57am

Can Thanksgiving be only days away? I have so much to be thankful for but I find myself saddened that our daughter won't be here again this year to share it with us. Holidays are the hardest for all of us. Everyone walks around all joyous when all I want is to get them over with. A part of me died the day our daughter died. There will always be that empty, lonely place inside me. I am praying for everyone, that you get the love, comfort and support you need as these holiday's pass by us.

Comment by sherry reed on November 21, 2009 at 12:44pm

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Missing my Son or DaughterFor all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
1 minute agoClosesherry reed is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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About my Loss:
On April 1,2009 me, my mother and 3 daughters were in a horrible auto accident. my mom was driivin she is a good driver. katelyne my 6 year old let her seatbelt up to grap her puppy that jumped outta her lap. my oldest daughter hollared at my mom that katelyne had accktulley let her seat belt lose. my mom looked back for just a seckond to tell them to hook there belts back. as soon as thay did my mother realized she had vered off the road a bit there were no sholders on this road she tryed to get the truck back on the road straight. we ended up flippin several times down a verry steep embankment. my oldest got out to get help she was ok and only sustained minor injerys so did my 3 year old. I broke my back n neck n couldent move to check on katelyne. i woke my mom to check on her she opend her door and seen her half under the car and said she knew she was gone. she then passed out . my oldest daughter stopped a game warden. that imidatlly call air life we all hoped it was for katelyne i was still stuck in the car. the ambulances were for my mom n other two kids air life was for me i was seriousley injured and n the hospital for a month. My husband came and finally told me she didnt make it my world stopped i never got to say bye r see her again i couldent go to her funeral thay thought i was next to die n in a way i wish i had. i miss her so much and do not think i will ever feal the same. part of my hart and soul are gone but i have to be strong for my other two kids and my mother that feal horrible guilt. Even thou it wasnt her fault. i cry in my sleep and everyday i miss her so much. i am healed for the most part i can even walk witch the docters didnt think i could ever do again but i whould rather not if i could just have her back . DragText BoxEdit
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15 minutes agoDaisy Quinones commented on Diana Young's group 'I love my Dad.'

Oh God, this is the worst day. Is my first birthday without a phone call from my father. I know other family members and friends have email me and called me. But I miss my Papi so bad. Right now I'm just sitting here wearing one of his favorites s...
21 hours agoAt a loss replied to carrie's discussion 'cant get over it'
He was still apart of your life and that sounds very traumatic and I would think someone really never "gets over" something like that. I lost my uncle suddenly less then a month ago and people have basically told me I should "be over it" and go ou...
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Thank you, Allan.
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Thanks Laura for sharing these new pictures. They are beautiful.
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cant get over iti was just wondering if anyone can tell me if what im feeling is normal. my boyfriend of only 1 mont died 8 weeks ago suddenly in my house. he went to sleep and never woke up again. i feel so guilty as i was in the house and he was snoring really ...
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Please call the crisis line: LOS ALAMITOS Crisis Hotline Hotline of Southern California 10am-12midnight / 7 days * (562) 596-5548 * (714) 894-4242
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Welcome Them!on WednesdayTania Taylor replied to Tania Taylor's discussion 'Holiday planning time....'
My daughter asked me today what we were doing for thanksgiving... It was so hard not to just break down and cry. I told her that her and dad might go to his parents but that I will most likely stay home. I told her I just want to avoid and conquer...
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You know everyone grieves differently and in their own way. When my dad passed away in 2003, I wanted nothing more than to follow along with him. My father was the only one I had to talk , to at the time, who in his eyes I never did no wrong. Well...
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It’s a unique feeling, when it finally dawns on you that someone who has been a part of your life for such a long time is no longer there. It’s a sickening realisation that stops you in your tracks. In your mind you can visualise the person, smiling, talking, living, but when the vision fades you realise that this is now your only connection to them. Through memories, photographs, anecdotes and, on a higher plane,... When a pet dies...
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Comment by Janice Shapiro on November 15, 2009 at 3:17pm

that is really beautiful. may she watch over you always. she is there with you all the time

Comment by Gail Richardson on November 15, 2009 at 4:38am

Ann - I'm glad that article was helpful to you and your husband and the others you met. As Laura mentioned before, sometime things are more than coincidences. I am so glad you had the chance to pass it on to those who really needed it.
Hugs
Gail xx

Comment by Gail Richardson on November 15, 2009 at 4:32am

Oh Laura - what a wonderful story - I think it's amazing the way our Angels continue to look after us.
Hugs
Gail xx

Comment by Laura Villarreal on November 14, 2009 at 8:04pm

Just wanted to share with everyone that Angela (my daughter) continues to watch over me which tells me she is watching over all of us...

Yesterday I scheduled a service appointment to have the air ducts cleaned in the house. I was hesitant to do this with Chuck (my husband)not being here (me being alone) but I felt it was best to get it done while he was being taken care of in the hospital. (I guess I do watch too much CSI and Law and Order!)

When they called to say they were on their way I said a little prayer for my safety. Imagine my surprise when I met them on the sidewalk and thinking to myself "this guy looks familiar". He looked at me and said "you're Angela's mom, I was at her service, we went to school together". We both cried briefly then moved on to the business at hand.

Coincidence? I don't think so...it was Angela's way of taking care of me.

When I least expect it I find her close by, watching over me.



Written November 14, 2009 as Abel (Angela’s high school friend) was cleaning the air ducts!

Comment by Ann Edmondson on November 13, 2009 at 8:44pm

Its amazing that you manage to bring the right information at the right time. Our church celebrated Veteran's Day with our Vets here in town. This is the first year that I and my husband both attended. Our daughter (a Navy Vet) was being honored. It was hard to attend since our youngest son was not able to be at his sister's side. It would have made him very proud of her. Any way, sorry for rambling. The point is my husband and several of the guys there were trying to "hold back" or "be men". I shared this story with them at our table. They all looked relieved and said finally someone who understands. God bless you for your words of wisdom.

Comment by Gail Richardson on November 12, 2009 at 5:25pm

Fathers in Grief, a Paradox for Today's Male

The loss of your child can be crippling and leaves deep scars, it changes who we are and how we look at life and how we relate with the world. Five or six years out is still early in the spectrum of child loss but close to the point where positive rebuilding can begin. One thing that I have discovered that helps pull you out of the canyon of despair is compassion for others, it is giving that we receive and in healing that we are healed. In the first few years it is hard to even help yourself much less others and we mechanically maintain, weep a lot and lick our wounds while clinging desperately to everything of our child and in secret wish to join them. We rejoin the real world at our own time and it happens when it right for us. Every ones journey is different, but what remains the same is the huge void that is left in our lives. How we fill it is up to us. I believe we need to fill it with something positive for others that creates a legacy of good in our child's name. We now become their legacy and we substantiate our child's life by the way we live ours. In our "modern day" society it is especially difficult for fathers to grieve openly, caught in a catch 22 of how to express the deep pain we our experiencing. Men don't cry, men do not emote, men do not hug (maybe at the funeral) men don't go to support groups, men don't call in sick because they are screaming inside, we are the man of the family. Fathers are the fix it guys, the protector, the strength and the rock the family needs for support. More times than not people will ask a father" how is your wife doing? This must be hard extremely for her". The modern male is now given (by women and therapists) license to show emotions, to cry, scream, hug and express their deepest emotions and fears, to let it out. The Irony of this is if he does emote and the family has never seen this behavior, it is taken as a sign of weakness and the spouse and other family members feel they have lost their safety net, their rock of support, and feel even more helpless and rudderless on this journey of pain. If this happens he may again 'clam up' to help with his family and deal with his own pain later. He finds that 'letting it out' is an axiom of sophistry and in doing so he feels he is letting his family down. Indeed a paradox for the wanna-be sensitive Dad. Most men cry alone in their cars on the way to work and they explain that the red eyes are due to allergies, or a late night. When my father died when I was age 14, my Mom told me I was the man of the family now, I did not cry, I did not grieve. It was not until years later and my losses became overwhelming did I finally let it out and express my emotions for the loss of my father. It has been 16 years now since Kelly died and I still cry with my wife when we feel our loss together or even when I hear a special song like' Wind beneath my Wings' and I do not care who is present, you love hard you grieve hard and it is supposed to hurt. When you recognize your own pain and express it, you automatically become more empathetic to others in similar pain and can help relieve theirs. Hell, now I cry at Hallmark Card commercials, I can't help it. When people tell us to find closure, or move on and don't dwell on it. We can, but not how they think we should. We find closure in what will never be, let go of the what ifs, the shoulda -woulda -couldas and move on with the knowledge that our children are forever by our side, only in a new relationship. We live in one sphere of existence, our loved one who has died in another, but with faith, undying love and the desire we can connect at the seam where our two worlds meet. Love never dies. In America we are allowed a few weeks to "get over it" and get back on track. The dead are wrapped up neatly so to speak and put away and their names unspoken. I find this totally unacceptable, it has been almost 16 years and I still talk about Kelly everyday and always will. We will always be bereaved parents but we will not always be experiencing the pangs of grief. Like arthritis we learn to live with it the rest of our lives, and also realize we shall still have flare ups of pain and discomfort as we move on through the years.
"TELLING ONES SORROW OFTEN BRINGS COMFORT"
-Pierre Corneille (circa 1640)

Comment by Karen on November 12, 2009 at 10:57am

Love & Thanks to all of our Veterans - Everyday.... Not just one day.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

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