Don't grieve alone.
That's the thing, people want us to say we are oK so they can go on with their lives with ease. I am tired of making them feel good.
The thing is, I need to get OK because I have 6 sons, God's watching 2 and I am watching 4. Plus I have 5 grandsons all still here on earth. I know I need to live, not just exist, for my boys still here. But this time it is just so hard. Even my mom is having a hard time. My cousin invited us to her cabin this Sunday. I told Mom I don't want to go cuz i am tired of telling people i am OK when i am so not oK. She said she gets tired of people asking her "How's Kitty doning" she said she wants to shout "How the hell do you think she is doing?" but she just says "As well as can be expected". Thanks for listening and responding.
My son went to Heaven four months ago. He had a massive heart attack while at work. He is 44 years old. And no, people don't want to know how I'm doing, even though they ask. My pat answer is "fine."
All of a sudden my family and friends are giving me all kinds of advice. I need to exercise. I need to "get on with it", meaning my life. My sister, whom I love dearly, is full of so much advice that I am just completely overwhelmed. My friend says. "What is your plan?" My answer is "What Plan?" I'm just barely making it to get my shower taken, clean clothes and washing dishes daily. How is it that they don't understand that the light has gone out in my life? What I want to do really, is to go be with Gary. However, I know that is impossible and that I have others to keep me on this Earth. People who can't understand need to just say "I love you and I'm praying for you." They do not need to fix me. There is no fix to this other than what God is doing in my life. In the mean time, I'm getting some one on one help with the Stephen Ministry at church. That will start soon. So there is a starting point to a beginning plan. Please if you pray, pray for me and my family. A bomb has gone off in our lives.
How nice do we have to be? I just want to look at them and say "DUH" but ...so I just avoid the question by staying away from anyone or any place where anyone might know that my son has died...because I am a total basket case full of agony and anger and hopelessness and emptiness and fear
am I in the "angry stage"? I FEEL angry...at what? I CAN'T HAVE MY SON BACK....I don't want to hear how 'better off' he is....I hope to God he IS better off and I always wanted him to be "better off" but to ME that meant HEALED, not DEAD.... i didn't want him to have to die to be healed... i just wanted him to be well and not have pain and fear...i NEVER wanted him dead....im not doing well ....