First- welcome to Missing My Son or Daughter. Only I truly wish you all didn't know this agony & loss. But, we all do - We may be able to help each other by sharing our story & connecting with people who truly understand us.
((( HUGS to you ALL))) Karen

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Oh my heartbroken sister in sorrow,I know EXACTLY how you feel, it's going to be 5 years for me without my son to hold in my arms,and it feels like it WAS yesterday,it does come flooding back,like I'm drowning in the realization that the rest of my life will be "lived" without my boy,he was 27 but still my "boy",knowing I don't want to go on without him,but I will. I don't know how I made it this far. When you said that you should have stopped your precious son from going out , I know cause I had similar feelings about what I should have done as well, but know this, if we had ANY idea that our sons' were in danger of dying, of COURSE we would have done WHATEVER was needed to have prevented it from happening, please try not to obsess about what COULD have been done,we are not responsible, but I know as mothers we keep looking for ways we could have saved our babies, we've been protecting them since they were heart is crying for you,my "sister", I'm so sorry that you have to be suffering this enormous LOSS,I'll be praying for you,there are tears in my eyes as I type this because I know there are NO words to console you,just know I m suffering right along side you, nobody but another mother who loves her child with all her heart feels this terrible loss like we do. I know your husband is surrering greatly as well, I can only imagine how terrible this is for him as well, but I can only speak to a mothers heart, to YOUR heart my dear sweet sister,I'll be keeping you in a special place in my heart and mind,your experience has touched me deeply, Bless you dear,Chris

Thank you so much for your reply. At 9 weeks out, I am hitting that point where some people are starting to move on - and think I should, too.  It helps a lot to hear from someone else who gets it.  I am sorry for your loss, too.  Itʻs so hard.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to believe that people would be so callous as to move on after only 9 weeks, but those who haven't experienced this tremendous shattering loss often can't relate and are uncomfortable. It's been 4 years since we had our beautiful Kara with us, even longer when I think of how drugs stole her from us. I agree with Chris, we all do the "what ifs" and "should haves". I did this for a long time and I think it was a kind of bargaining and self-torture. Maybe it kept me feeling closer to my daughter in a way. Please know that those of us who are on this journey truly understand what you are going through, and all your feelings are OK and valid. A little book that I got from a support group, called "Healing After Loss" by Martha Hickman, who herself lost her teen daughter, has been helping me (not that one ever fully heals). I'm sending you my prayers and a hug.

I am so sorry for your loss, too. I try to release the "what ifs" that come up, when they do (every day), because I canʻt change anything about that night now. I am finding it harder every day, though - itʻs no longer waves, but it is just a constant sadness weighing me down.  

Dearest NB

I am so so so sorry to welcome you to this group. I lost my son also in a tragic car accident at age 17. It wil; be 4 years on Dec. 1 It is absolutely unreal for you and anyone around you to think you should be "moving on" after 9 weeks. You will be in shock for the first year (at least). Our minds and souls can't handle the trauma at first. It takes along time to process it all and deal with the waves of grief and despair. You will never move on. You will move through and try to find ways to deal with the pain. I am sending you love and prayers and hugs.

I hope I am not in shock, still - because if the pain gets worse than this, I will certainly not be able to deal. I am in such pain, every day. I am so sorry about your son. 

Nb, your story made me cry.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my college age daughter in 2010 right after she went back to school (2 hours away).   She was the victim of an impaired driver.  She is our only child.  Everything Connie said is true.  I have not moved on.  I move through.   I always feel like I am walking through molasses.  I see her everywhere I go.  She is NEVER out of my mind.  I am only still here by the grace of God.  Be gentle with yourself because "the world" does not understand this level of pain.  The holidays for most of us feel unbearable.  I'm just saying that so it doesn't take you by surprise.  Love to you.

My sonʻs birthday is near Christmas - and I am just really having a hard time wrapping my head around what the next two months is going to be like.  I hear you on the molasses-walking thing. Itʻs just the perfect image. I am so sorry about your daughter. 

I am sorry for your loss, as well. I do have to admit I have been asking God to take me, too, but I know these feelings will pass. The molasses-walking thing is so true. I am worried about the holidays - first round and his birthday is very near Christmas, too.  

I am sorry for your loss, as well. I do have to admit I have been asking God to take me, too, but I know these feelings will pass. The molasses-walking thing is so true. I am worried about the holidays - first round and his birthday is very near Christmas, too.  

I find it helpful to do something new on holidays. We even traveled across country to see my mom last year on Christmas day. It made it much easier and traveling was a breeze! I also travel on Mother's Day. I just can't bear pretending on those days. On his birthday we have usually celebrated his life with his friends and family. I believe his spirit lives on. My faith is all that gets me through.

I wanted to go up to where my older son moved, but I think the other three kids want to be at home for Christmas- perhaps for his birthday, we can do something special that heʻd like, or try to catch up with the kids who were in his high school class who will be home for Christmas. I just have to live through the first one and see.


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