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Comment by Tina Miller on November 19, 2010 at 7:26pm

I am lost without my mama , everything that can go wrong is, an she isn't here to talk to and things she knew about that I don't understand,she helped me with but there is no one to talk to or help with , and i can't get the last 24 hours she was here out of my mind ,and one doctor said she talked to him and then she couldn't breathe her lungs collasped , and she was bleeding out so that her blood pressure kept dropping and so much more i remember it all , if it is true she did talk to him then she had to feel all the pain , which another doctor said she was in shock when he saw her , so which is right , i cant stand it and no amount of medication will stop my mind , and nerve pills aren't helping so why take them.i have so many different emotions going on at once i don't know anything these days ! as Stacy said I don't wish this on anyone.i rather go through all the abuse and tortue i suffered as a child and then again as an adult than through this! this has to be hell !

Comment by steacy del valle on November 19, 2010 at 5:27pm

i feel so empty inside since she died i feelso alone and i cant stop hurting no matter what i do. i have a son and i love him to death and only now that i am a parent i realize the loveshe had for me and my brother. i dontwish this kind of pain to anyone and im so sorry for everyone that has had to go through this kind of pain because it is so difficult to live through

Comment by steacy del valle on November 19, 2010 at 5:25pm

i lost my mom on may 14, 2010. it was a murder suicide. the guy that killed her was her ex that was with her for about 9 years. he cheated on her and so she decided to leave him and move on with her life about a couple of months later she found a guy and she was really happy the guy treated her the way she deserved to be treated he brought her flowers he even brought me flowers too lol. he pampered her she was finally happy and the guy got so jealous because he saw she was moving on with her life and started stalking her and one day he went to her appartment and asked her to marry him and when she said no he shot her 4 times and shot himself in the head.
she died 11 days before my 21st birthday and cremated on my birthday. i went to puerto rico where she was buried but no body wanted to take me to the cementary to visit her and it hurt so bad be cause what if no one goes to visit her toeven bother putting flowers on her grave im scared everyone is going to forget her and forget how special she was and still is for me

Comment by Kirstine Rushing on November 14, 2010 at 7:02pm

I lost my mom in January, so its almost been a year and i am still not healed. I think its going to take a long time until I can adjust and even then, it won't be voluntary or a good thing. My mom was only 55 years old and I found out she had stage 4 cancer two weeks after I had my son, so it killed any joy of having a new baby b/c I was so worried about her. She fought the cancer for almost 2 years with all she had, but it finally took her life on Jan 22. I am now pregnant again and am due to have my baby any day and the thought of not having her in the delivery room is really hard for me. She was a strong Christian and prayed for God to heal her. Like you, I will never understand why it was her time to go. I guess I will find out one day when I die myself and can ask God.

Comment by Tina Miller on November 14, 2010 at 6:58pm

I know how you Feel Mama was my best friend ,we could talk about anything and everything .we depended on each other so much ,Every holiday it was Mama , my son, and myself and i can't Stand the living the lasts 5 weeks i have been with out her, and now these holidays if i could sleep i would sleep thru them, but i can't sleep for thinking how i miss her , and how she died, and all the mess i am enduring with my siblings who couldnt come to be with her for they had more important family members , and we all live in the same state but one and its just one state next door to s.c. I am so missing her and needing her, but even though they didnt come around she still loved and wanted them to I Know i have Got to somehow get a grip , they all did come to grave side service that was the first time all five of us had been in the same place in 30 years.everyone was snapping pictures like it was the emmys i played , my part as the oldest and did what i knew my mom wanted and even in my heart i was hoping that we would all pull together but that was to much to hope for and now i am alone i have my son and thank God for him ! but i miss my mom so much, well , because of the probate matter I am resented by my brothers I guess , my sisters are dealing with their families and and guilt which i try to help them with .the last night mama was alive I took my sisters one by one into icu to mama and said to them if they had anything they needed to make right between them am mama to do it now because i knew that it would eat them up later if they didn't and they did , but they still have the guilt and i cant seem to help them i can t help my self I keep trying, when i am about to release by crying someone calls and i have to be the strong one i have been this strong one all my life and i feel like a volcano about to erupt!

Comment by Rachel Moss on October 19, 2010 at 6:46pm

Chasity,
I know how you feel. I have been trying to go to a conselor and he finally made me realize that no one the same with grieving it is a big process that you can't put time on. Apparently I haven't even started the grieving process yet. I have been hiding everything and trying to get on with my life. Nothing is wrong with you. It's hard to get the picture of how you lost saw your mom out of your head. It will take time. Apparently time heals.

I too, havent felt it yet. I am going through the same as you. But hopefully you will have the support of your family and friends to lead you in the right direction. BUT, these people can make it easier for you, but you have to do get through this alone. You can be led in the right direction, but its up to you do it.

You mom is still here. She might not physically be there, but shes still there and she won't leave you ever.

Everything you are feeling is normal. You WILL heal. And you are never alone/

Comment by Rachel Moss on October 11, 2010 at 6:23pm

This is my first post since I joined. I lost my mom 2 months ago. She went to have a simple knee replacement in feburary and ended up dying 5 months later. 2 days after her surgery her large colon ended up perforated and she ended up needing emergency surgery which including taking out most of her large colon because she became septic. During the surgery she ended up coding and had to be put on life support. For 2 weeks I didnt leave her side hoping she'd end up waking up and breathing on her own. 2 weeks passed and she woke up alert and scared but willing to start breathing on her own. I thought she got a second chance at life. The doctors told me she was still really sick and they need to transfer to a long term facility about an hour away. She was there for 3 weeks until they sent her to a nursing home. There she wasnt getting any better. Until one night her fever spiked to over 105 and she was rushed to the ER nearby. That was an hour away too. She stayed in that hospital for another 2 months. Until the doctors wanted to do another surgery. So they then transferred her to the best surgical hospital in NY. But the surgeons concluded that she would die on the table if they tried. So my mom decided to come to a nursing home right by my house. She was there for 3 weeks, and i saw her every day.Until the last week when the nurses told me she didnt want visitors. I tried calling and she didnt answer. I was waiting to try again on wednesday on my day off. Until 430 in the morning i got a phone call that my mom had passed away.

2 months later im still numb. I lost my way of life, my nurturer. Not a lot of people know what Im going through. So that's why I'm here. To talk to people who are going through the same.

Comment by Dana LaPaglia on September 28, 2010 at 8:31pm

Hi Haley, I know how you feel, I felt the same way, but when I started telling my story and reading others I felt like I was not alone anymore that someone actually cared! I too do not talk about it to family just my husband once in awhile I feel like nobody wants to keep hearing about it. so if you need to share we are all hear to listen! Dana.

Comment by Dana LaPaglia on September 25, 2010 at 3:24pm

lalysa, Hi my name is Dana, and I do not think that there is a certain amount of time that will let You get over it! and what is it? some people are just so out of touch. I have had the same comment, and after hearing it a few times I got upset and I asked that person what is it? do You mean my Parents my Mom my Dad, well they were not its!! my Mom was my Best Friend & my Dad well he was my Daddy! and I miss them so much. It has been a year & 1/2 since Mom passed, and a year & 5 months for Dad and I too feel the loss everyday every minute and I think I always will! so do not let people bring You down feel what You feel its ok! and I am pretty sure Your Mom is with You everyday.

Comment by Jalysa Reyes on September 25, 2010 at 2:31pm

Hi there! I'm new to this site and to this group. It is nice to find a place where I can express myself about the loss of my mother without being stared at.
I lost my mother when I was seven. There are many who have told me that I should just "GET OVER IT!" I use to get upset when I would hear that, but now I just quietly dismiss what they say. My mother passed from a disease called Sarcoidosis... it is a rare disease that even doctors (so far that I know) don't know much about. But they say that only a handful of people get it a year. I always think to myself... "Well, if only a handful of people get it a year then WHY did MY mother have to get it?" I was very young when I lost her. I don't have very many pictures of her, but I remember that she and I use to stay up and watch scary movies (yes, I was a tough little thing back then) and make ice cream floats! All I remember is that one day she and I were playing outside in the snow and then the next day she was sick. The Sarcoidosis was in my mothers brain. I normally stay to myself as a young adult. I really wish my mother was here because there are so many questions that I want to ask. There are so many systems and prodecures that I have to learn in order to establish myself as a productive member of society. It would have been an easy transition just to ask my mother and she would have helped me willinging out of love instead of out of obligatioin.

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