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Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: 11 hours ago

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Lost my wife 15 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Monty Nov 6.

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Joe Kelly 11 hours ago

Wendy,

I too wish you didn't have to find your way here.  I identify with your feeling alone even around our children and grands.  That was very loving and sweet of your grand daughter.  Read and post here.  It doesn't make it easier but knowing there are others like us, we're not alone.  I meet many at the cemetery.  When I see some that come often, I say hello and we share our grief.  I've even met one who like myself had an OBE or some call it a NDE.  We know we will be someday reunited with the ONE we became ONE with when it is our time to pass over.  That's about all I can say right now.  Stay close.

Joe 

Comment by morgan yesterday

Wendy,

I hardly know what to say other than you have come to a place where we all know the anguish and heartache that you are feeling.  Death is hard enough to stomach but to have your husband murdered is beyond my imagination.  Although I think most of us feel robbed.  And all of us, even with family and friends, find it oh so difficult to get through a day. Processing the feelings we are having is an uphill battle.  

I am almost at seven years. This morning I said goodbye to a good friend who I had taken in my home for the last year and half for him to try and rescue himself after a suicide attempt that almost succeeded.  He is moving to a good place and though I thought I was ready as I need to reclaim my space again it all came crashing down because the worst part of death for me is the inextinguishable loss.  I CANNOT handle loss anymore.  I am bereft and alone and inconsolable and yet I have to get up day to day and get what needs to get done.. done.  I am 67 and long for the day I no longer have to deal with how the feelings of loss hit me when and where they want.  You are in the earliest of stages and everything you do will remind you of what was.  The best advice I ever got was to take baby steps.  Sometimes it is just to get to the next minute and sometimes you can make through an hour or maybe several.  Eating and sleeping will become elusive but try to do what you can when you can.  For the first year I slept alot.  I would just fall out.  The shock is more than our minds and body are equipped to understand so taking it minute to minute is the best way to manage.  

I wish you didn't have to join us here.  No one wants to be here but for those of us whose lives have been so altered we come here because we know others like us will be here.  Read, write and cope.  Nothing else I can say.......caring for you and all of us......

morgan

Comment by Linda Engberg on Saturday

Wendy,

So sorry for your loss. Yes I know how you feel and it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone in this forum care for one other and it is a place to go to share your most inner thoughts.

God Bless You and Your Family

Comment by Wendy on Friday

This is the first year in 31 years that my husband will not be here. I've not put up a tree or participated in any holiday celebrations. Instead, my Son, unpacked our tree and decorations we had collected thru the years and while visiting his family at Thanksgiving, decorated his home with them just as his dad had done all these years. It was beautiful but bittersweet.  My 5 year old granddaughter announced she would be asking Santa for Grandpa to come back. This of course reduced me to tears. It was always he and I, and our three sons and their families. Somehow even amongst my family, I feel out of place, and still alone. I wasn't supposed to be staying at my son's house, waking up there alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'd hosted the holidays all these years. I miss him terribly each day. Trying to navigate this life id known that was abruptly changed is so hard, it's all so different. I wasn't supposed to be a widow at 53. 8 weeks after my husband was murdered my mom passed away. This is my first holiday without her as well. My two go to people all my life, gone, just like that. Thank you for providing me a safe forum to navigate this process, learn from others, share. Here, I know, you truly do know how I feel. Thank you for being here. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on Friday

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 30, 2019 at 2:58pm

Comment by Joe Kelly on November 28, 2019 at 8:44am

Today is the 2nd for me.  Last year I stayed home alone because my Love was always so involved with it every year at my daughters house.  Two years ago, we spent it alone together in the hospital.  Again, Catch 22 because whether I'm there or not, they will feel Her missing.  I don't know how my being there will affect everyone else.  It's not just my family but the extended family and I am afraid, but I said I would be there after the cemetery and I have no idea how I'll get through it but just have this feeling that my Love wants me to go.  I won't be staying very long and asked to eat at the children's table.  The only thing I'm really thankful for is the wonderful life my Love gave me.  Yes, I have great children and grands but it's just not the same.

Tuesday is our 50th wedding anniversary.  It would had been so wonderful celebrating it but I know it will be more painful day without Her here.  As I pray each night be my last, I hope so much this be the last holiday season I'm here.  That soon I will be dancing with my Love in Her realm.

I wish Peace for you all today, even though for many of us it won't be.

Joe

Comment by Fran on November 28, 2019 at 7:32am

Linda we share your pain here. It's been 5 years for me. I find myself increasingly pulling back, esp. at Holidays. I just wish family understood better that it's hard for us to celebrate anything. I don't wish this apathy on anyone. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 28, 2019 at 6:36am

Today is the 7th year of not sharing Thanksgiving with my Husband. I will be spending it alone from now on. It is to hard to bear seeing everyone happy and I am tired of faking it.

Comment by morgan on November 16, 2019 at 5:40am

Linda,

Your post is a perfect description of where I'm at.

Morgan

 

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Latest Activity

Wendy Zwickl is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
10 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I too wish you didn't have to find your way here.  I identify with your feeling alone even around our children and grands.  That was very loving and sweet of your grand daughter.  Read and post here.  It doesn't…"
11 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I hardly know what to say other than you have come to a place where we all know the anguish and heartache that you are feeling.  Death is hard enough to stomach but to have your husband murdered is beyond my imagination.  Although I…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, So sorry for your loss. Yes I know how you feel and it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone in this forum care for one other and it is a place to go to share your most inner thoughts. God Bless You and Your Family"
Saturday
Wendy commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"My heart goes out to you as I recently experienced the loss of my husband who was murdered. We had been together 31 years, married 27. I remember as if it was yesterday, the phone call, the driving frantically to reach the crime scene, waiting for…"
Saturday
Wendy joined Susie H's group
Friday
Wendy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This is the first year in 31 years that my husband will not be here. I've not put up a tree or participated in any holiday celebrations. Instead, my Son, unpacked our tree and decorations we had collected thru the years and while visiting his…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Friday
Wendy joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Thursday
Wendy joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Thursday
Wendy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
jacq kramer joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Thumbnail

Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Dec 3
Marie Eaddy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 3
morgan left a comment for Mannion13
"Mannion, I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most.  But your…"
Dec 2
Profile IconMannion13, Carol Robertson and Xav joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 2
morgan left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.…"
Dec 1
Lani M. joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Dec 1
Joe Kelly left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of…"
Dec 1
Lani M. left a comment for Lani M.
"How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?"
Nov 30
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Julie, my deepest condolences. My heart is with you. Hugs"
Nov 30

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