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Lost My Spouse...

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Today is the anniversary of my wedding day 2 Replies

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been…Continue

Started by Carol Klotz. Last reply by Carol Klotz May 3.

Lost my light in the darkness 2 Replies

I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the…Continue

Started by Shane Hughes. Last reply by Shane Hughes Apr 16.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 5 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Wendy Apr 7.

My Love 1 Reply

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West. Last reply by Anna Chris Apr 7.

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Comment by Fran on November 6, 2019 at 1:11pm

5 years ago tonite I lost my Love. Since then I check in here periodically to see how others deal with the passage of time. Apparently, pretty similarly. We do what we must. We have "good" days and worse days. Our memories blindside us yet we muddle on. We find that we don't fit into the lives of our family and friends, and we just don't have the strength to fight our way back in. The initial sympathy, understanding and support we receive disappears rather quickly. We are left to our own devices.  5 years of emptiness that seems to be even longer some days. We watch others complain their spouse and want to scream at them to enjoy them while they have them. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

But thank you all for being here and understanding....

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 4, 2019 at 6:30am

Jonathan,

So sorry for the loss of your Wife.

All the friends on this forum are just waiting to join their spouse again. 

It's all we can do. 

Comment by Jonathan on November 4, 2019 at 4:37am

It has been about 16 months since I lost my beloved wife. Still as painful as though she just "sleep in Christ" on 10th July 2018...

Life has been aimless and without any objective since then. Everyday has been slow but to me, everyday that passed is a day that I closer to her and closer to out reunion in heaven where I can hug close to my chest tightly once again and that's for eternity.....

Just hope that that day is not too far off

Comment by morgan on October 28, 2019 at 9:33pm

Linda,  I've been thinking about you wondering how Babie J is?  I just started feeding a feral cat here where I live on the woods and though I refuse to get too attached these little critters also get a piece of our heart.  I think I had gone two full days without crying and then tonight I am back in my hole.  I really hate feeling so abandoned.  I don't even have the energy anymore to explain what triggered it but the beating of my soul just goes on and on.  

What can I do to make it stop?  Nothing......absolutely nothing,

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 22, 2019 at 5:49am

Dear Morgan, Joe, Michele,

Thank you so much for caring.

She is the love of my life.

I think I will go crazy when she passes.

Right now, it's like watching my Husband die.

Living right now is pure hell.

Linda

Comment by morgan on October 22, 2019 at 12:36am

OH Linda, I am SO sorry to hear of the imminent demise of Baby J.  I lost our kitty two years after my husband died so I can understand what you are feeling now.  Please know all our thoughts and prayers are with you in this time.  There is nothing that we can do but hope our own lives are shortened by the agonizing passing of time.  Sweet Baby J will always live in your heart......a

Comment by Joe Kelly on October 21, 2019 at 2:04pm

I'm very sad for you Linda.  I know from your sharing posts that she was a reason for you to go on.  Stay close.

Joe 

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 21, 2019 at 1:39pm

Hi Morgan,

My sweet dog Babie J is now on Hospice. She saved my life when I lost my Husband. 

When I lose her, that will make living in this crappy world worse.

All I can do is get up each day and hope for death.

Comment by morgan on October 20, 2019 at 10:21pm

I am very sorry Lou.  Sorrier than you can imagine because those of us who have lost a spouse and come here to write, feel the same way you do.  We are all at different phases of the deep sorrow that can ever happen to a person when we lose the one person we love more than anything but we all understand what you are feeling.  

I have been here on and off for six almost seven years.  Just a minute ago as I was standing at the kitchen sink I realized that my husband is gone.  That I will never see him again and the lack of his presence is a constant in my life no matter what I do to try and make it feel like I will be ok.  Because I am not ok. Oh, I function better now.  I have actually tricked myself into holding a social conversation periodically or can walk into a store and not sit on the floor and cry and it seems to others like there is nothing wrong with me.  But everything is wrong with me.  Nothing will ever be right with me because half of me is missing.  

I counted on my husband to be there for me.  He loved me so much.  And I loved him back with all my heart.  I knew him since second grade (55 years) and though we were only together for 35 of those years, it would never have been enough.  Never.

Now I manage to get through days by working like a madwoman so I distract myself from thinking about how it was before he died.  I am rewiring my brain with new circumstances that don't include him physically yet it doesn't really matter.  Because my brain always reverts to who I was before he died and my heart misses so much of who I was and what I enjoyed because I shared a life with the man of my dreams that it will never rewire.  I just fool myself as much as I can so I can get up on a daily basis and function.

I'm a fraud but until I expire I am imprisoned here to live this fake life where I am forced to pretend.  The closest people I know, understand I want to die.  They know I hate life.  I am not scared to die.  I want to go to the next place.  I am anxious for it to happen.  I have not been able to hasten the process by my own hand but I do try to starve myself and the stress of grieving has taken its own toll.  I can hope something will take me soon.  Until then, I suffer.  We all suffer.  It is the worst thing that can happen to us and we will never get over it.  At least I know I wont.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 10, 2019 at 2:53pm

Hi Joe,

I understand what you mean. 

There will never be anymore of what we did together,

IT IS FINISHED.

 

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