Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on June 10, 2019 at 6:28am

Hello Everyone,

Thank You all for sharing your thoughts. I just can't thank everyone enough. This is the only place I can talk with people who really understand how I feel. I know that the rest of the world does not understand what we are going though. I feel as we have all become family to one another and I thank God for that.

Comment by Nancy on June 9, 2019 at 6:18pm
I feel the very same as you all describe. I keep very busy but any down time and he is all I think about. I am lonely even when surrounded by people. Not for anyone but for him. My comfy houseslipper, my comment finisher, my true soulmate. My love forever. Its been 2 years and seems like yesterday in some ways and in others seems a lifetime ago. I think its because my life ended then too. I go through all the motions and even laugh at work but I'm an empty shell in reality. We were married 43 years. 3/4 of my life so far. You can't just move on from that.
Comment by Marita on June 9, 2019 at 5:57pm

Linda, you’re so right “we were so close and only needed each other.” Forty years of being together, how does one move on with half a heart.....half a brain. There is no life without love. Morgan, I am lost too. I am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained and soon it will be five years of waiting, hoping, and pleading to end this misery. Joe, this is a living hell and the only thing that sustains us is the thought of the joyous reunion with our beloved. Trina, I hope being closer to your sisters will bring some comfort to you. 

Comment by Joe Kelly on June 9, 2019 at 3:56pm

I've been staring at this website for about an hour now.  I just signed in because the few of us here are all we have sharing the hell of living and even though I don't know what to say or should say going to say, I have to because we're all we have.  We died when Our Loves died but we're stuck here waiting and hoping to go where they went because they can't come back to us.  We HAVE to go to them.  Most of us were with Our Loves for many years or just about all of our lives in some cases like mine.  There is no going back and no going forward with our lives here.  We can only wait and the constant torment can't be fixed.  At least in my case and many of yours.  We're like orphan souls stuck in our bodies and as far as I'm concerned, there's only one way to fix that.  For me, it has to be natural though for fear that I have to go the way she went or might not end up in the same realm she is in.  If I KNEW it didn't matter, I'd be gone already but will suffer for as long as it takes and hope it's soon.  Every day is hell but I won't relent.  FOR HER, I will suffer this ongoing nightmare because SHE is the only thing that I want.  I have children and grands but like most of us, when we had Our Loves and lost our parents, we went on with life.  I'm witnessing that now with my children and grands.  They fell bad about losing their mother and grand mother but I'm the reminder.  They are supportive to an extent that it's my grieving MY Love, that is somewhat the focusing reminder.  When I'm gone, They will feel comfort knowing that what my wishes are completed and go on with their lives just as we did.  My only "recovery" is to go to her and adore her for all eternity.  The majority in the world can't understand or accept that.  So here we are, a small minority they can't help.  So we wait and suffer for something they can't comprehend.  I know I'm babbling now so will close wishing you all for what we truly want and waiting for.


Comment by Linda Engberg on June 9, 2019 at 6:30am

Hi Morgan,

I too try to keep busy every minute of the day. I do have a little dog that has really helped me make it through the day. Now she is slowly declining and I am going through the same thing I did with my Husband. Watching her failing everyday is heartbreaking. When I lose her I will have nothing to live for. We never had children as we were so close and only needed each other. I always think to myself why I couldn't go first or die together. Life Sucks.

Comment by morgan on June 9, 2019 at 12:03am

 I was trying to put something together to write and I just am lost.  I just can't find the energy to communicate how devastated and debilitated my life has been since my husband's death.  I've been too busy trying to do enough to pretend I care to live.  Who am I doing this for?  No children, no animals, yes, some friends but seriously, how long can I keep this up? 

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 5, 2019 at 12:38pm

Hi Trina

I myself have been thinking of relocating back to Nevada where my Husband and I shared our retirement. It is not going on 7 years and I have thought of moving back with my sister but I decided not to because I want to live where the happiest times Julian and I shared together. I know if won't be the same but I think I will feel much closer to him. The only way I will now is to just do it.

Comment by Joe Kelly on June 5, 2019 at 9:51am

Dear Trina,

I read your post on Monday and wanted to say something comforting to you but your first paragraph says it all.  I hope your sisters can bring a little more comfort into your life and because you made that first move which must had been so hard, any reminder of it is paralyzing.  I haven't made any move yet and don't know if I ever will.  Sometimes I think maybe I should but my Love and I spent 40 years here in this apartment, it scares the heck out of me to vision leaving here as described in your second paragraph.  Your third paragraph is what I want to say to you today.  I'm sorry but I'm so broken that your words are all I can do to respond back at you.  It's crazy, Monday was Hell's basement, yesterday was Hell's penthouse, and this morning is just plain Hell.  And finally, your last paragraph back to you.  Good luck with your move that you are making that it in some way, makes this Hell on earth a little easier to bear your loss of Joseph.


Comment by Linda Engberg on June 5, 2019 at 6:09am

Thanks for sharing Stewart.

Comment by stewart p on June 4, 2019 at 1:42pm

like to share an inspirational story I just read about hope and the future...


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Latest Activity

Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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14 hours ago
Lauren A Fernandez is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Nancy, I am sure everyone in our group can relate."
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes we have no choice but to live without our mothers. Grief and guilt will be there through out and some days will be really hard than others. Yesterday was pathetic for me as my father said something that really hit me. I hope to see my mother…"
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Love this Linda.  Thanks for posting it. "
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I relate to you all who have posted lately.  2 years for me.  2nd year was worse than the first as reality set in and shock lessened.  I am still in a trauma state of mind.  Forgetful, irritable, less patient.  I isolate…"
Deanna N Nash added a discussion to the group surviving family members' murders

Nothing feels real

My husband was brutly murdered 6 day ago and nothing feels real to me I'm still waiting to wake up or him to call me the pain is unbearable I don't know if I can go on anymore
Deanna N Nash commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"6 days ago my husband and soulmate was brutly murdered and everyday gets a little harder I haven't seen him yet he's held up at the corners and I'm terrified to see him but I need to see him to convince my mind that this is real and…"
Deanna N Nash joined Susie H's group
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Robin, thank you.  Bluebird was the honesty that i discovered on this site that made it possible for me to express what I go through.  Several others who write let me know too.  I tend to reach out here, particularly when I am…"
Robin commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan - I lost my husband John, 9 years ago, when he was 46.  I come to this website every now & then, but have only commented a few times.  I relate most to you and Bluebird.  I can't believe it's been 9 years, and…"
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I really don't know what to say to all the newer people who come here looking for help and comfort because I have struggled for years. I did find an article written by a psychotherapist just the other day that made some sense to me about the…"
Sharon batten posted a discussion

Missing my true love

My partner died 14 weeks ago and I am struggling big time without her, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left,
Sharon batten left a comment for Sharon batten
"I hate my life without her now I miss her so much, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left"
Profile IconSharon batten, Eileen A. Palazza, Deanna N Nash and 2 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Kathleen Jordan posted photos
Kathleen Jordan commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"Even though dream moon can't do grammar, I agree. It doesn't will hit at moments out of the clear blue....4 years, 9 years or 20.  It is a loss, and it's real."
Kathleen Jordan added 2 discussions to the group What's Next?

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