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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: on Thursday

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Marita on Wednesday

Morgan,

i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so overwhelming I just shut down and turn inward. People just don't understand that it isn't self pity, it's "wanting things back the way they were" as Linda says.

Comment by Linda Engberg on Wednesday

Morgan,

My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't get drunk but I do have 3 a day just to keep me numb and it is the only way I can go on without him. I told my therapist all the different meds I try just don't work, so I have to deal with in my own way.

Comment by morgan on Wednesday

Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable to cross the threshold and just get it done.  It seems my brain just wont let me. They seem to be getting worse.  

Does anyone else have these crippling kind of breakdowns when they come up against something they simply cant seem to solve?  

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 11, 2019 at 4:14pm

It's nice you found something special stand out on his last birthday.   Most of my Love's birthdays, I made special.  We were either on a cruise or a nice land vacation every year on her birthday.  Her last birthday was in between trips and all our kids and grands through her a nice birthday party.  They took a video of it and although I have about 700 pics of her from aged two till days before she died, that is the only video I have of her.  Her birthday is Monday, May 13th.  It fell on Mother's day last year and we all went to the cemetery to place flowers.  Today, we went because tomorrow, Mother's day and Monday, her birthday, it will be nothing but rain here.  I'll still be up there as I'm there every day, but chose today for them to be in the sunshine rather than rain.  They brought mixed bouquets for Mothers Day and I brought some nice red roses.  I will be watching her B-day video a few times on Monday.  Enjoy your pics and memories of that early bloom, which seems to be rare where you are at, and, on his last birthday.  Just as it was rare that we were home for a family birthday party on her last birthday.  Comfort be with you, Joe 

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 11, 2019 at 3:39pm

Beautiful Flowers. May God be with you.

 

Comment by M Adams on May 11, 2019 at 11:08am

Today is my husband’s birthday — looking at pictures from his last birthday I was struck by all the roses brought in from the garden that day.  At this time of the year there wouldn’t normally be roses in bloom — today there are just a few green buds out there — but there were many out in full early flower on May 11 2016.

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 8, 2019 at 2:51pm

oh well, at least I know if I post a pic you guys can see it.  But still wish I could.

Linda, yes it is an ongoing nightmare for all of us.  It's like it can't be.  But it is.

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 8, 2019 at 2:46pm

Morgan,

Julian's death is the most horrific thing that ever happened to me.

Joe, wish I could help you but I don't know much about fixing your problem. 

Comment by Joe Kelly on May 8, 2019 at 2:39pm

I wondered why Linda's comment came up blank.  I still cannot see pictures.

Comment by morgan on May 8, 2019 at 11:45am

Linda, You capture the true essence of our grief in the pictures and prose that you share with us.  The last line says it all doesn't it?

 

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Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
yesterday
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
yesterday
Profile IconKelli Auerbach, Fedor Malkin and Jan McCracken joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Coartney Hale updated their profile
Thursday
Coartney Hale posted photos
Thursday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
Thursday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nobody really understands except for the members on this website. It was a life saver for me. Thanks to all of you who share your posts and the support we give each other."
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept…"
Wednesday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is. Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
Wednesday
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so…"
Wednesday
Rosaisela is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I felt something very similar. After a year the pain and shock of mom's death had eased somewhat, but the guilt increased. I learned that grief is a process that has many different facets. I am really amazed by the folks who seem to…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, these anniversaries are so hard and confusing.  My husband’s birthday was this Saturday, and Mother’s Day, the first since my dear mother died, was on the next day, Sunday.  A hard weekend to get through.  I want to…"
Wednesday

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