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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on February 13, 2019 at 11:36am

I didn't know that. I guess this will my last post. What a shame. I will now be without my support friends. Thanks to all for your support.

Comment by morgan on February 13, 2019 at 10:28am

If these posts are now going out via twitter this will be my last post........

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 12, 2019 at 5:58am

Morgan,

Thank's for sharing. One phase that I hate is when people say " Julian wouldn't want you to be unhappy". What the hell do they know what Julian liked. 

As you stated I now I now live in my my own universe.

Comment by morgan on February 11, 2019 at 7:56pm

I have narrowed down my conversations about the life I spent with my husband to five people.  Only one of them can withstand all the various levels of my need for communicating about our life together.  Although each of them have a way of talking with me in a general sense it is not what I need to express nor what I need to hear in return in a deeper way except from maybe two of them.  

I gave up trying to have people understand it.  It was not something I related to much before my husband died and I can now appreciate how they don't have the room for it in their otherwise content life. Mainly because they live in a universe where they have a reason to be content.   I no longer do.  Few people can fathom that nature, social interaction, travel, etc are no longer the instruments for our happiness.  What they don't and cant understand (nor did I) is how inextricably linked all those things were to my beloved.   And today when I go through a day I never know when, but ultimately almost every day after six years I still find myself breaking down and giving way to the one thing that meant everything to me and still does.......my husband, my beloved, my crucible~~~ the fire of my life.  

Hello universe, I am ready......come get me.

Comment by Monty on February 11, 2019 at 5:48pm

Trina

I don't think that I could have expressed it better.

its a shame that it is this way, but it is.

Have the best day you can

Regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 11, 2019 at 4:12pm

Trina,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I talk about my Husband to my family and friends. If they don't like it, then don't talk to me.

It's getting to the point where I don't care what they think. Just because most people did not have a wonderful marriage with their Husband, it's not my problem. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 11, 2019 at 9:18am
When I am around people—my family and friends—they don’t want me to talk about my true feelings, they don’t want to hear how much I still Joseph after four and a half years. I don’t talk about missing him anymore, but I do mention Joseph in my conversation whenever the context asks for it. This way I get to remember and honor Joseph without having to see the lack of interest on their faces when I talk about my pain. This approach has been working for me.
Nobody wants to hear of someone else’s loss or pain; it takes away their joy of living and they openly resent it.
I sometimes look at other couples and feel a little bit of jealousy. They have their loved ones by them and they are enjoying all that life has to offer. But me and people like us only have our memories...
Be well, everyone. Sending you all love and prayers.
Comment by Linda Engberg on February 11, 2019 at 6:02am

Hi Monty,

That you for sharing you thoughts with the me.

Comment by Monty on February 10, 2019 at 5:17pm

Hi Linda

 It's sad when we can't relate to the rest of the world and they can't relate to us, as our point of view is so much different to people in the world.

 I too am finding that the world doesn't understand let alone be ready to hear how I feel. and my feeling is that if I try and tell them about it it will drive them away.

I have been reading that it's ok to not be ok.  some interesting content.

I do find even if I just get and about (even though I don't want to ) afterwards sometimes I feel better.

 yesterday I was asked to drive my mother in law to go see a friend off on a cruise ship.  I didn't want to but felt obligated as she has felt so helpful

 the day was beautiful and there were several festivals/events on.

I spent half a day having lunch with her friend and their children

I so wanted to share my pain and talk about the loss but I listened and smiled.

and after 90 min drive in horrible traffic, each way and 2 hours of lunch the day was done.

I didn't get anything I wished to get done.

but at the end of it wasnt such a bad day

I hope we can all have the best day we can.

regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 10, 2019 at 5:31am

Hello Everyone,

I am so glad I have this group o share my thoughts. Just recently it seems like I am losing support from my family. They don't call me as much anyone and rarely answer my posts on Facebook.

I know the reason why. When I do talk to them I talk about Julian and they always change the subject. I feel it will be better for them and myself not to have contact with them anymore.

I am just fine and decided to just live in my own little world with my sweet dog Babie J. I do have many friends but I keep them at a distance because I know they do not like when I mention Julian.

They just feel I should move on and start a new life. Well, they are dead wrong. I know I will never move on. What For. My life ended when my dear Husband took his last breath. I died with him and will just have to wait to join him again.

Thanks again for all the support I get from all of you. God Bless.

 

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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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"It's been so long since I've been here. Somehow I don't get notifications anymore. And from November til after y sin' birthday March 31 I just want to run away and disengage with the world. But I think of you all and send you…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I envy people also Brett that have a loving support system to help them through what we are going through. God is love and he wants us to be compassionate and kind, and he will always be by our side. I believe that"
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joe kelly replied to Jade Rogers's discussion Hi!
"Dear Jade, I wish I had some advice for you because when I sign in, I notice that you often sign in I guess to check if anything new has been posted.  Being lonely after losing your Love after so many years together is a major part of all who…"
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Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed…"
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M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
Saturday

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