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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: Jul 7

Discussion Forum

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 5:40pm

Apologies Elynn — just noticed the misspelling of your name, think maybe it was autocorrected in my previous message.  Should have proofread before I added my comment.

Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 4:06pm

Sorry you’re feeling so lonely, Elena — would it help at all to talk about your husband here, write about him, I mean?  Or is it more a desire to talk about him with people who knew you as a couple?  I know it was very meaningful for me to hear people who knew me and my husband talk about their good memories of him.  

Comment by Elynn m on February 3, 2019 at 11:15pm

I haven't been here in awhile, but have been so lonely.. I try to talk to people  about Joe, but they don't understand.   I guess they really are afraid to ask about him. I've been really depressed lately.     I do have one friend who is very sensitive, and will talk to me about Joe, because she realizes that it is very good therapy.  She talks to me as if Joe were still here.    I consider her my friend, but now she and her husband are moving away, and I'm feeling as though I will be losing another part of me.     It's really sad, at my age, to realize that I have more acquaintances than friends.   It's a lonely life without my wonderful husband.  Yes, he is still with me in spirit, but I do need him here to touch and feel, and talk to.  It will be 3 years and 5 months on February 22nd.  I'm so grateful for this group.  Thank you for letting me vent. And for all of you who know Jesus, I could use some prayer!  

Comment by Monty on February 3, 2019 at 4:55pm

Joe..   that is beautifully said.

I totally understand how children affect our coping with grief and the pain.

Without my children and their needs and emotional support, I think I would be a hollowed out a person in a dark room.

I am still working on "faking it till I make it"  not that I'm sure I'll ever make it but ill keep trying.

linda

as always your images you post a poignant and right on the mark.

thanks for sharing 

to everyone have the best day you can.

regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 3, 2019 at 6:22am

Morgan,

Once again your post tells me what has exactly happened to me. No one will never understand what we are going through. The best way I can explain this others is if they listen to the song "Everyday" by Phil Collins. Today is Superbowl Sunday and Julian and I always had crab legs. It is a bittersweet memory. The last Superbowl we had together he was in the hospital fighting cancer. Of all the ones we saw together, this one will always live with me. I too don't know how I can keep up with agony. Only time will tell.

Comment by morgan on February 2, 2019 at 9:37pm

How long can I last? It getting harder and harder to pretend that I can live this out.   Pretty much everyone I come in contact with is living in the old universe I used to live in.  Their motivations and desires are what mine used to be.  

I cant fake this all the time.  Its becoming way too hard.  I am drained.  When I hit the wall I am paralyzed.   Energy becomes nonexistent.  Crying to exhaustion.  The aftereffects have me needing rest.  This is not anyone's idea of living.  

Its not like it happens all the time but it is pretty much every other day.  I ask my brain why?  Why cant it just accommodate itself to not being able to have him here with me.  My reason knows that he is dead.  But my heart has died.  Its not like I don't know the reasons and the logic of death.  Its just my emotions wont let me live without him.  Every step I take forward I get dragged back three.  And I've taken many many steps forward but I keep getting drawn back those three.

I'm so tired of fighting my heart.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 1, 2019 at 6:15am

Joe,

Thanks for your great explanation of this prayer. I have said it over and over since losing My Julian in 2013. I know I will never recover and don't want to. I know I can never change. All I want is for God to take me to him.  

Comment by M Adams on January 31, 2019 at 12:49pm

What is the serenity prayer?

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 31, 2019 at 6:12am

Morgan & Jim,

I am so blessed to have this friendship with you both. It keeps me going to know I am not alone in this Hell. I always read the "Serenity Prayer" every morning but I cannot accept the things I cannot change and I never will. 

God Bless you Both, Linda

Comment by morgan on January 30, 2019 at 9:11pm

The universe gave you a bit of light today Joe regarding your daughters surgery and I am so glad that for her she has another chance to continue life with her family.  Not having had children I cannot imagine the sense of the burden to desire life for them.  It must be extremely difficult when it looks like it might be another loss for you.  I know I cant handle loss anymore.  I break down.  It doesn't matter whose loss, or what it is, I just cant handle it.  So I am glad it appears she will have more time.  No loss is a relief.

And two parts of your post......yes, I'm not alone in hell, but I don't like the residency nonetheless. and two, I cant find someone to blame either.  And boy, do I wish I could.  That mountain in my room fills a large space along with the other things.  But yes, if only I could find someone to blame.  

All of your post rings true.  We all need to hear how we are not alone in this pain.......

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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