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Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: Sep 11

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 11, 2019 at 9:18am
When I am around people—my family and friends—they don’t want me to talk about my true feelings, they don’t want to hear how much I still Joseph after four and a half years. I don’t talk about missing him anymore, but I do mention Joseph in my conversation whenever the context asks for it. This way I get to remember and honor Joseph without having to see the lack of interest on their faces when I talk about my pain. This approach has been working for me.
Nobody wants to hear of someone else’s loss or pain; it takes away their joy of living and they openly resent it.
I sometimes look at other couples and feel a little bit of jealousy. They have their loved ones by them and they are enjoying all that life has to offer. But me and people like us only have our memories...
Be well, everyone. Sending you all love and prayers.
Comment by Linda Engberg on February 11, 2019 at 6:02am

Hi Monty,

That you for sharing you thoughts with the me.

Comment by Monty on February 10, 2019 at 5:17pm

Hi Linda

 It's sad when we can't relate to the rest of the world and they can't relate to us, as our point of view is so much different to people in the world.

 I too am finding that the world doesn't understand let alone be ready to hear how I feel. and my feeling is that if I try and tell them about it it will drive them away.

I have been reading that it's ok to not be ok.  some interesting content.

I do find even if I just get and about (even though I don't want to ) afterwards sometimes I feel better.

 yesterday I was asked to drive my mother in law to go see a friend off on a cruise ship.  I didn't want to but felt obligated as she has felt so helpful

 the day was beautiful and there were several festivals/events on.

I spent half a day having lunch with her friend and their children

I so wanted to share my pain and talk about the loss but I listened and smiled.

and after 90 min drive in horrible traffic, each way and 2 hours of lunch the day was done.

I didn't get anything I wished to get done.

but at the end of it wasnt such a bad day

I hope we can all have the best day we can.

regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 10, 2019 at 5:31am

Hello Everyone,

I am so glad I have this group o share my thoughts. Just recently it seems like I am losing support from my family. They don't call me as much anyone and rarely answer my posts on Facebook.

I know the reason why. When I do talk to them I talk about Julian and they always change the subject. I feel it will be better for them and myself not to have contact with them anymore.

I am just fine and decided to just live in my own little world with my sweet dog Babie J. I do have many friends but I keep them at a distance because I know they do not like when I mention Julian.

They just feel I should move on and start a new life. Well, they are dead wrong. I know I will never move on. What For. My life ended when my dear Husband took his last breath. I died with him and will just have to wait to join him again.

Thanks again for all the support I get from all of you. God Bless.

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 6, 2019 at 3:55pm

Comment by morgan on February 6, 2019 at 3:55pm

I don't know what to say anymore.  I read posts and totally commiserate. Joe, you hit a couple high spots.  I too had a horrible day on Monday, simply heart rending....wailing, sobbing, screaming.......Then last night there was another break with reality.  You said it all when you said and I quote:"Out of nowhere, the horror of it all hits me at times. My confidence shatters. I want her (him) back here. Now! Or, better yet since I know that can't happen, GOD, take me to Her already."

YES, exhausting, needy, knowing, not enough stop the pain.......and all of us here post to try and give hope to each other while paddling upstream through the rapids which are engulfing us.....

Unfortunately for some of us there is no end in sight.  It gets "better" because:

1) after a period of time under duress our brains will block images or triggers because I think it knows it is beating the hell out of our bodies and it wants us to last as long as we can to beat us some more.  Part sarcasm, part truth.

2) We isolate ourselves because we feel guilty that all we have to talk about is how miserable we honestly and truly are and we know others cannot possibly understand why we still aren't over it enough to relate to life again in what they consider a fuller way so we don't participate.

 3)  Sometimes there simply is no trigger or landmine just the visceral anguish of not being able to hold that one person who was everything......I'm having way too much of that lately and it is really pushing me in a not so great direction.  But then do I really really care?

 4) Unfortunately there isn't a damn thing we can do about it......nothing......a helplessness that for me, now, is so ingrained that all the pushing I have done to move "forward", to try to live life to see if it makes a difference seems to be one big joke on me.  

I think having children makes a difference to the extent they provide this monument to reason where having birthed a part of you into this world you might feel you would be violating a sacred trust so you must continue with the contract.......I never had children.....so for me I don't have to carry that additional pain.  

Problem is I don't see a way out of this for those who grieve deeply.  Many reasons for it and coping does not necessarily mean we are healing.  I talk it through with the one person my husband chose to watch over me if something happened to him and he gets it and does what he can to keep me alive but I have to say I have been having alot of second thoughts lately about how much I am willing to withstand.  In the beginning, the notion of taking my own life was desperation.  Now it has taken on more a form of determination.  Will I last?  Who knows.  I just know when I hit the hole and start digging it is seeming less and less likely I am willing to put up with the pain.  In all other respects I am a very strong person but this missing him has me whipped.

And yes, Linda, but it seems even the devil wont bargain with me.  

thank you to all of you here.......thank you for listening.......

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 6, 2019 at 7:43am

Hello Everyone,

I can relate to every ones post. I would sell my soul to the Devil if I could have him back in good health.

I find that if I keep busy, the pain is not as bad. I run, do yard work and help my neighbors. I really don't need my friends, they don't want to listen to me talk about my Julian. I share all my thoughts with all of the folks on this forum. You all understand my thoughts and don't judge me. I thank God for every one of you. God Bless

Comment by Elynn m on February 4, 2019 at 11:57pm

Thank you everyone for your response.   I'm just tired of being lonely.   I talk to Joe all of the time, and long for his voice, and wisdom.   I feel so bad that I didn't tell him often enough how special he was.

Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 5:40pm

Apologies Elynn — just noticed the misspelling of your name, think maybe it was autocorrected in my previous message.  Should have proofread before I added my comment.

Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 4:06pm

Sorry you’re feeling so lonely, Elena — would it help at all to talk about your husband here, write about him, I mean?  Or is it more a desire to talk about him with people who knew you as a couple?  I know it was very meaningful for me to hear people who knew me and my husband talk about their good memories of him.  

 

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dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"evry now agan i still loss my way i do"
Thursday
Kim Darichuk is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 11
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today we Remember 9/11. I can't even imagine the terror and heartbreak the families must still have. Losing my Husband Julian under normal circumstances was bad enough.  God Bless all the people that still suffer from this horrible…"
Sep 11
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Morgan, Thanks so very much for your supportive letter. Sorry i didn't see it before. I replied to it just now, Sending you love and good wishes."
Sep 10
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you friends for sharing your thoughts. I don't know what I do, if I didn't have this place to come to. We are all suffering and the real world just doesn't understand what we are going through. I miss the tender touch of my…"
Sep 10
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have nothing that I want to or have to, to keep me busy except doing what I'm doing which has to have something to do with Her.  Like yesterday, I found a small  3/4 X 2 1/2 inch bottle with a cork when I went to the dollar store…"
Sep 9
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, Check your inbox for a message from me. Joe,  So true.  That's exactly why I post here too.  I keep thinking if I get it off my chest and out into cyberspace at least I know I wont be suffering alone.  That consoles…"
Sep 9
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello All, I am sorry that I have not posted here for a while now to show my support for you. On August 4th it was the fifth anniversary of Joseph's passing. I just don't have the strength or energy anymore to keep pushing to survive each…"
Sep 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm in the 19th month and don't know what to say, except that the only time I'm not living this horrible nightmare is when I sleep and don't dream at all.  Even when I post in a way to try to console anyone here, in a way,…"
Sep 9
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Once again I want to Thank You for sharing you thoughts with us. You put into words the things I don't know how to express."
Sep 9
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I don't mean to be a downer, but I am not sure there is an end to our grief. I know mine is still going strong. I wish the good things in my life were as consistent as this is. We have to keep moving though. Keep taking baby steps. Assay…"
Sep 8
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John T,   I saw your post late late last night.  I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing.  After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.…"
Sep 8
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All, Today I suddenly had grief all over the day. I miss my mother a lot and it seems that there is no end to this grief. Hope I meet her someday when I leave this world.  Just wanted to share my feelings here because people around me…"
Sep 8
Profile IconBev R, Kelly Darnell and Wil McGregor joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 8
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John, We are blessed to have this wonderful group to come to and share our grief."
Sep 8
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thinking of you John T.  I understand.  "
Sep 7
John T. replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"5 years since my wife died suddenly of heart failure right in front of me.  The time since that day has been just awful and when I reached this anniversary, I just couldn't believe it.  All I think about is all the years ahead without…"
Sep 7
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the death of my wife.  I spent the day unable to believe it has been 5 years but somewhat surprised at how well I handled the day.  Today I have kept having outbursts of crying and overwhelming memories…"
Sep 7
Emmyk replied to Amy R's discussion So many questions in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"That is horrific for you. Im so sorry. Just know yoy aren't alone. Know we dont think you are some kind of monster and know that we validate what you guys had and the love that existed there. Try not to fixate on the particulars that you have…"
Sep 4
Joe Kelly left a comment for Maria
"Maria, The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit.  I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago.  We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th…"
Sep 3

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