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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: Jul 7

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by morgan on January 30, 2019 at 7:45pm

Linda,  I too come here because I know that I am understood for my inability to "get better".  I know I have better hours that over the years have increased in length.  I know that I fake it better notwithstanding how much of a fraud I feel like I am.  What I also know is what your poem states very clearly.  I will never get over it.  

I have less of the fog and more of the reality that living is never going to get better and I am really over continuing to push time forward.  I long for the day of my death.  I can hardly wait.  I really hope the universe is not planning on a long drawn out departure.  It has been too long already.  

I have a gay friend living with me who attempted suicide and is trying to reconstruct his life so right now I am concentrating on helping him.  We go back a long way and I want for him to succeed where I fail in wanting to continue life.  I think he has come round to where he wants to live now.  Whether my husband sent him into my path to keep me occupied for now I have no idea.  I just know I feel like I have pretty much done all I wanted to try and if I can feel somewhat assured that he and my affairs are tied up maybe the universe will do me the favor I want.  

I have a hard time imagining that my body can withstand more of the same over too much more time.......

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 30, 2019 at 6:12am

Morgan,

I feel this forum is the only thing keeping us going. Before I joined I had no support from friends and family. I know that they want to help but they just can't understand what I am feeling. It is a hell of a fight everyday. My sweet dog Babie J is a real comfort to me but now she is 14 years old and I have to watch her go downhill just like my Husband. All we can hope for is that we will be taken soon by the Lord. I know I posted this before but I have it about my computer and look at all the time

Comment by morgan on January 30, 2019 at 1:35am

So angry......so so angry that I am being forced to live.  I hate having to keep pushing myself to pretend like I give a damn.  I really can't be of much support to anyone here because I am getting so pissed that we are all being put through the wringer.  I read about Joe and his daughter and his pain, and Nancy and Bluebird and Linda and Trina and Michael and John T and Maxey and Pamela and everyone who has still not been able to reconstruct a decent life after the death of their spouse.  How the heck are we supposed to do this?????

I reach out time and again still thinking that something that someone says is going to flip the switch and I am going to gain some providential insight so I can get something out of the daily grind.  And nothing......its just one day after another of missing him.  Wanting him to come get me because i know full well he's not coming back here so my only real chance of being together is somewhere else.  Begging for release from this life......and still nothing......no peace, no rest......just anger and sadness....

How are any of us supposed to do this?

Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 29, 2019 at 10:34am
Joe,
I am so very sorry to hear about your daughter. I am sending prayers for her healing and for your strength. Hang in there!
Peace, Trina
Comment by Linda Engberg on January 29, 2019 at 6:11am

Joe,

I will say a prayer for your daughter and you that everything turns out ok.

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 24, 2019 at 6:27am

Monty,

Is so good that you family supports you. When my Husband died, my two sisters flew from Michigan to be with me. Thank God for them or I doing think I would be here today.

Comment by Monty on January 23, 2019 at 4:36pm

Hi All

I hope everyone has survived the holiday season and has a good of a time as they can.

Carol passed in December 20th 2017.

Even though this was the second Christmas that Carol wasn't here for it feels a bit like the fist.

She passed so closely to Christmas in 2017 I believe now that I was honestly just in shock and at the time it was all I could do to keep upright and not fall down. 

So this year was a planned event. small Christmas with my Dad, Carols mother (who thankfully has been a godsend in the amount of time and assistance she has been to me and the boys) a couple of close friends and the boys.

A small Christmas lunch and a few drinks followed by present unwrapping.
I likely spent too much on presents for people but oh well.

And as part of the presents, there were presents for player 1 thought to player 4 ( nerf guns) and 8 pairs of safety glasses.

We then proceeded to shot each other with nerf guns and giggle and laugh (over exaggerate when the kids got the adults) and for a few hours, we managed to fill the house with joy and laughter.

in 2018 I have managed to complete some big-ticket items (financial things, (Department of Social services) caring services for the boys and managed to mostly get a routine in place.  

There is now a sort of normal in the house most days.

I've done a full year back at work and am still alive, and haven't been fired :).

so.. in 2019 I have a couple of final left over tasks to complete and then to set some new tasks.

I need to look after myself (and last year between being sick and busier than a fly near a garbage dump) haven't really looked after myself.

my goals this year are.

1.  try and find some life balance between. working, being the sole career for the boys and being a healthy me

2.  do some work on the house.  paint some rooms (boys will help me paint their own) in a light fresh and where appropriate, a cheery scheme

3. try and find some fun/joy..   my life has been and sometimes continues to be so busy that I don't seem to do much that I enjoy when I'm not busy I just tend to fill time I need to find something to enjoy.  

anyway, that's my goals for this year, last year I survived, this year I plan to do better.

Kindest regards to all

Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 21, 2019 at 6:07am

Joe,

What a beautiful picture of you and your wife and your gravestones will hold both your bodies but you souls will be united in another realm.

Morgan, 

You will be in thoughts my tomorrow as you try to make it through the day.

Nancy,

Thanks. 

Comment by morgan on January 20, 2019 at 6:26pm

This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled as exhibiting depression.  What the hay?  I don't even have a response for people (or doctors) who want to stack me onto that pile.  Call it what they might I know what has happened to me.  And it was a complete 180 from who I was to who I am and it happened in a split second and has never reversed.  I'm smart enough to know grief didnt make me stupid........nor can I label it depression.  I had to render my soul to the universe.  It is gone and until I go,  there is no getting it back.  I left it on the threshold I am unable to see, hear or cross.  It is maddening.  It complicates my life on a daily basis because I no longer SHARE my life.  I live in a fog that clears enough for me to appear to others real but inside it is all surreal.  The meltdowns can be short and treacherous and they most definitely have changed their manifestation over the years.  

I too lost weight and nothing I do is grounded anymore.  Not sleep, not eating, not memory......The waves hit me when they damn well feel like it and as for control I gave up thinking I have any.  When I have a meltdown in consumes me and I can feel the leftovers in my eyes for hours later.  

Yes, we are all trying to find ways to cope.  And thats all it is.  Coping.  Some hours are better than others but none of them are great.  Not like they used to be.  I lived life with an intensity before.  It was all in technicolor.  Now its vanilla to grey.  I guess I am surprised in one way that it hit me this hard as I was told by others for so much of my life how strong I was.  And I felt pretty strong too.  Now, I am a puddle most often with little energy to dry out and wipe myself off the floor (just an analogy*).  

Tomorrow will be six years.  I'd be fine if I didnt last another six days. ........I wish........

 

Comment by Nancy on January 20, 2019 at 4:28pm

Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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