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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on January 30, 2019 at 6:12am

Morgan,

I feel this forum is the only thing keeping us going. Before I joined I had no support from friends and family. I know that they want to help but they just can't understand what I am feeling. It is a hell of a fight everyday. My sweet dog Babie J is a real comfort to me but now she is 14 years old and I have to watch her go downhill just like my Husband. All we can hope for is that we will be taken soon by the Lord. I know I posted this before but I have it about my computer and look at all the time

Comment by morgan on January 30, 2019 at 1:35am

So angry......so so angry that I am being forced to live.  I hate having to keep pushing myself to pretend like I give a damn.  I really can't be of much support to anyone here because I am getting so pissed that we are all being put through the wringer.  I read about Joe and his daughter and his pain, and Nancy and Bluebird and Linda and Trina and Michael and John T and Maxey and Pamela and everyone who has still not been able to reconstruct a decent life after the death of their spouse.  How the heck are we supposed to do this?????

I reach out time and again still thinking that something that someone says is going to flip the switch and I am going to gain some providential insight so I can get something out of the daily grind.  And nothing......its just one day after another of missing him.  Wanting him to come get me because i know full well he's not coming back here so my only real chance of being together is somewhere else.  Begging for release from this life......and still nothing......no peace, no rest......just anger and sadness....

How are any of us supposed to do this?

Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 29, 2019 at 10:34am
Joe,
I am so very sorry to hear about your daughter. I am sending prayers for her healing and for your strength. Hang in there!
Peace, Trina
Comment by Linda Engberg on January 29, 2019 at 6:11am

Joe,

I will say a prayer for your daughter and you that everything turns out ok.

Comment by joe kelly on January 28, 2019 at 8:03pm

I mentioned in my prior post that I had a bad dream.  Well, it wasn't really a bad dream but turned into hell when I woke.  It was a very vivid dream that my wife's death was just a dream.  I was so over joyed and relieved that she didn't really die.  When I awakened, the horror I felt that yes, she did die was unbearable.  I'm nervous about this Wednesday since my daughter is going in for lung surgery.  I'm actually hoping it's not the melanoma, but lung cancer instead.  You may question why I'm hoping that.  If it is melanoma, that means it's in her system now and can spread where ever going forward.  I know someone who had a lung cancer 15 years ago found by accident.  He had surgery and they got it all.  He was cured.  No chemo or anything.  My daughter never smoked in her life but lung cancer has a strong family history on my wife's father's side, who died in 1981.  Her sister died of it also in 2004.  Since my daughter gets scanned regularly, perhaps they found this accidentally, maybe she can be as lucky as that guy I mentioned above.  My ultimate hope is that it's benign.  I'm grasping at straws I know and not even thinking clearly.  A friend of mine said that it's good that my wife is not here to see this and I said, oh, she's here alright and she's seeing it.  

My premonitions are getting stronger and I'm really getting very weaker.  I think it may be soon or at least not that long before I'm with her.  I will try to do all I can for my daughter before I go though.  One thing I learned is that no one is really in control over what happens in life.  I'm babbling now so will sign off.  Please say a prayer for my daughter.

Love to all,

Joe

Comment by joe kelly on January 28, 2019 at 7:29pm

Monte,

It's good that you were able to bring some joy to your boys on Christmas.  Keep up the good work because they need you to joy and happiness into their lives. 

Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 24, 2019 at 6:27am

Monty,

Is so good that you family supports you. When my Husband died, my two sisters flew from Michigan to be with me. Thank God for them or I doing think I would be here today.

Comment by Monty on January 23, 2019 at 4:36pm

Hi All

I hope everyone has survived the holiday season and has a good of a time as they can.

Carol passed in December 20th 2017.

Even though this was the second Christmas that Carol wasn't here for it feels a bit like the fist.

She passed so closely to Christmas in 2017 I believe now that I was honestly just in shock and at the time it was all I could do to keep upright and not fall down. 

So this year was a planned event. small Christmas with my Dad, Carols mother (who thankfully has been a godsend in the amount of time and assistance she has been to me and the boys) a couple of close friends and the boys.

A small Christmas lunch and a few drinks followed by present unwrapping.
I likely spent too much on presents for people but oh well.

And as part of the presents, there were presents for player 1 thought to player 4 ( nerf guns) and 8 pairs of safety glasses.

We then proceeded to shot each other with nerf guns and giggle and laugh (over exaggerate when the kids got the adults) and for a few hours, we managed to fill the house with joy and laughter.

in 2018 I have managed to complete some big-ticket items (financial things, (Department of Social services) caring services for the boys and managed to mostly get a routine in place.  

There is now a sort of normal in the house most days.

I've done a full year back at work and am still alive, and haven't been fired :).

so.. in 2019 I have a couple of final left over tasks to complete and then to set some new tasks.

I need to look after myself (and last year between being sick and busier than a fly near a garbage dump) haven't really looked after myself.

my goals this year are.

1.  try and find some life balance between. working, being the sole career for the boys and being a healthy me

2.  do some work on the house.  paint some rooms (boys will help me paint their own) in a light fresh and where appropriate, a cheery scheme

3. try and find some fun/joy..   my life has been and sometimes continues to be so busy that I don't seem to do much that I enjoy when I'm not busy I just tend to fill time I need to find something to enjoy.  

anyway, that's my goals for this year, last year I survived, this year I plan to do better.

Kindest regards to all

Monty

Comment by joe kelly on January 23, 2019 at 3:45pm

I don't have the strength to post today.  It was the day of her wake, and the burial was tomorrow, a year ago.  I just want to say that for privacy, I restricted viewing of my photos to friends only so if I sent you an invite, please accept.  I went back a few months to those who posted so if you posted before that, send me an invite.  Mass was comforting and I prayed for all of you.  You too Nancy.  You were on my list but forgot to put it in that post.  Had the mother of all hell dreams last night,  Will post about perhaps on Friday.  Love, Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 21, 2019 at 6:07am

Joe,

What a beautiful picture of you and your wife and your gravestones will hold both your bodies but you souls will be united in another realm.

Morgan, 

You will be in thoughts my tomorrow as you try to make it through the day.

Nancy,

Thanks. 

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
19 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
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"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think thats what she meant anyway."
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"she posted an answer in Blog.  We're ok as long as we don't check that box and sign into twitter.  Only those who do have their posts appear there."
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Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"did  a quick search for  "No Idea Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Twitter. I didn't find anything maybe that it has the ability to share via twitter. and may not be shared by default. maybe we should try and contact the…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just sent a message to the admin/owner of the site......I'lll let you know the response."
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