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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 25, 2018 at 5:16pm

Oh, Joe, I am so very sorry to hear that you are faced with such devastating news about your daughter! I am sending prayers of healing for her. You are already suffering the loss of your beloved wife, it is too much to be facing the possibility that your daughter may go before you. Prayers of courage and strength for you. 

I was going to wish all those celebrating a Merry Christmas, but this news makes it more difficult to wish that.

Be well, all of you on this forum. 

Comment by joe kelly on December 25, 2018 at 4:49pm

I just found out day before yesterday, that my oldest daughter, a divorced, single mom of two, who has been battling the bad type of melanoma for two years, with two surgeries, found that it spread to the lung at stage 4.  The only option is surgery again.  I went to my youngest daughter's house for dinner today because she was there and this could be her last Christmas.  Please pray for her.  There is no way I'll be able to put her in our plot before me.  I still believe that I have to go naturally and hopefully soon but, WTF IS GOD DOING TO ME?

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 24, 2018 at 4:17pm

Today and Tomorrow mean nothing to me anymore. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 21, 2018 at 6:12am

Joe,

The picture of you and your lovely wife is just beautiful. You can see that special love you had and Morgan I too found my Husband on the bathroom floor, his eyes were open but he was in a coma and died 3 days later. He never spoke a word, but we shared our thoughts and feelings a week before he died. I just hate my existent in this world and just want to be with him. I am worth nothing since he passed.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 21, 2018 at 1:12am

Joe, 

Beautiful photo of you and the love of your life! The love you share/d comes through very strongly in the picture. The two of you look so very happy together.

Comment by morgan on December 20, 2018 at 10:29pm

Joe,  My husband died January 21, 2013, 8:48 am pronounced.  I found him on the floor of the bathroom.  Between the pre Thanksgiving time when he used to cook a magnificent meal just for the two of us, all through his time in the hospital during Xmas, through my January birthday until the day he died I now simply hide from the world.  Each year it has yet to be tolerable.  I just want an end to this pain of loss.  I function because I have to but I don't do it willingly.

And interestingly I see the affection you and your wife show in the picture you posted. I have similar ones where my husband and I always have our arms linked or touching each other or other kinds of loving gestures.  It pains me to know I cannot have that linkage now in this life.  I could never give myself to anyone else and I know my husband is my eternal soulmate.  I can hardly wait to cross over.  

Comment by morgan on December 20, 2018 at 10:20pm

Corinne,

You wrote "I am a pretty tough cookie of a woman but this has brought me to my knees. I have never ever experienced such a void or emptiness in my life. And these people in my life just don't get it. I find it so offensive when they offer me stupid patronizing platitudes like oh sweetie, its just gonna take a bit of time."

I was always strong.  I have been on my knees for years.  The chasm is so deep, so wide it is impossible to traverse. And you will slowly narrow your relationships to those who can offer at least some understanding of your loss.  You won't have enough energy for those who think this is like replacing your broken down car.  

And I have a bit of a tough time too understanding losses of family members versus our spouses but then there are some who never get the chance to have the kind of love that we experienced with someone we chose.  Both of my parents passed and so has my youngest brother but nothing holds a candle to the intimacy of loss that I had with my husband.  Its simply devastating and after this many years I am functioning better but the emotional me still breaks within about a 48 hour period.  Something always seems to trigger bringing his essence front and center and I cannot push it away until I cry and expend just a little more of life's energy trying to cross that threshold to reach him again.  I am exhausted on so many levels and anxious and hopeful I don't have long to have to keep questioning the need for my own existence.  

Comment by joe kelly on December 20, 2018 at 6:50pm

It worked.  Pic was taken 5 years ago on a cruise.

Comment by joe kelly on December 20, 2018 at 6:49pm

For me, Christmas day will be the same as everyday since I lost her.  The only difference will be that I stay at the cemetery a little longer.  I usually spend about an hour a day there but hope it's mild enough to spend a couple of hours.  I don't know know why but want to be close to her bodily remains.  I have my name there already, with my birth date and just can't wait till my death date is added. The rest of the day will be like everyday day in our spiritual relationship at home.  Last year, we spent Christmas home alone together as she was in no shape to go to my daughter's house as we always did.  She holds Christmas each year for the entire extended family.  Talking about 30 people at least when you factor in our children, their husbands grands, inlaws, included inlaw siblings.  They visited us on Christmas eve last year.  I'll just be here with her spirit this year.

Morgan, our loves passed over very close if not the same date.  My love passed on January 21st.  That evening, coming up, at 5:30, a Mass will be celebrated for her at St Pat's Cathedral in NYC on the High Alter.  I don't know how I'm going to be, but it won't be good.  I stopped going to Mass because all I do is cry.

Monty,

Sorry for the pain you suffer especially because you have children depending on you not only for strength, but you probably feel compelled to try to bring some sort of happiness into their lives while hurting inside.

Linda, you're right, there will never be another Christmas.  At least not till we join our loves in their dimension.

I'm not sure if I know how to put a pic on here but will try to put the one that's on our headstone.

Comment by Monty on December 20, 2018 at 4:18pm

Hi Linda

That image is so poignant for this time of year and i think how most of us feel.

After my first anniversary yesterday, it was fine in the morning but in the afternoon it was quiet rough.

I'm hoping for a better day today, although not holding my breath, as I'm surrounded by teachers today who are celebrating christmas and the last day of term.

I'm going to have a sore tongue tomorrow from biting it today.

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
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Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
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"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think thats what she meant anyway."
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"she posted an answer in Blog.  We're ok as long as we don't check that box and sign into twitter.  Only those who do have their posts appear there."
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Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"did  a quick search for  "No Idea Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Twitter. I didn't find anything maybe that it has the ability to share via twitter. and may not be shared by default. maybe we should try and contact the…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just sent a message to the admin/owner of the site......I'lll let you know the response."
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