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Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: May 15

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by M Adams on December 29, 2018 at 1:19am

Joe, so sorry about your daughter’s illness — hope you were able to give her some comfort when you had dinner together.  Did you get a sense of anything you could do for her now that would please or help her?

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 26, 2018 at 10:07am

Joe,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I would change places with her in a heartbeat. I have to agree with you on WTF is god doing. He takes the people who want to live and leave the ones who want to die suffer.

Comment by morgan on December 25, 2018 at 10:24pm

Joe,  I cant even imagine how you must feel at this point with the news of your daughter.  I know when my husbands diagnosis of stage four cancer was dropped on us on the day after Xmas the world was ripped from me and I had no idea what was coming my way.  To this day I relive those moments of horror and now my only wish is to get sick like him so I too can pass.  Your daughter should not have this crisis of health befall her and yet the universe seems to be dishing out pain to anyone it feels needs more anguish.  

I sit here tonight knowing that there are millions of us crying out tears for the loss of our beloved and the continuing assault of other awful news is more than we should have to handle.  I am in total agreement with your last sentence in caps.  I have decided for myself that there is no such character as nothing could possibly claim benevolence and rain down such malevolence.  

I am so tired of trying to pretend I'm ok.  I am not and I wont be.  And here you are trying to survive when you are dealing with another blow to your heart.  I don't know what is going on in all of our lives but I am pretty sure it hurts more than I ever imagined.  

Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 25, 2018 at 5:16pm

Oh, Joe, I am so very sorry to hear that you are faced with such devastating news about your daughter! I am sending prayers of healing for her. You are already suffering the loss of your beloved wife, it is too much to be facing the possibility that your daughter may go before you. Prayers of courage and strength for you. 

I was going to wish all those celebrating a Merry Christmas, but this news makes it more difficult to wish that.

Be well, all of you on this forum. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 24, 2018 at 4:17pm

Today and Tomorrow mean nothing to me anymore. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 21, 2018 at 6:12am

Joe,

The picture of you and your lovely wife is just beautiful. You can see that special love you had and Morgan I too found my Husband on the bathroom floor, his eyes were open but he was in a coma and died 3 days later. He never spoke a word, but we shared our thoughts and feelings a week before he died. I just hate my existent in this world and just want to be with him. I am worth nothing since he passed.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 21, 2018 at 1:12am

Joe, 

Beautiful photo of you and the love of your life! The love you share/d comes through very strongly in the picture. The two of you look so very happy together.

Comment by morgan on December 20, 2018 at 10:29pm

Joe,  My husband died January 21, 2013, 8:48 am pronounced.  I found him on the floor of the bathroom.  Between the pre Thanksgiving time when he used to cook a magnificent meal just for the two of us, all through his time in the hospital during Xmas, through my January birthday until the day he died I now simply hide from the world.  Each year it has yet to be tolerable.  I just want an end to this pain of loss.  I function because I have to but I don't do it willingly.

And interestingly I see the affection you and your wife show in the picture you posted. I have similar ones where my husband and I always have our arms linked or touching each other or other kinds of loving gestures.  It pains me to know I cannot have that linkage now in this life.  I could never give myself to anyone else and I know my husband is my eternal soulmate.  I can hardly wait to cross over.  

Comment by morgan on December 20, 2018 at 10:20pm

Corinne,

You wrote "I am a pretty tough cookie of a woman but this has brought me to my knees. I have never ever experienced such a void or emptiness in my life. And these people in my life just don't get it. I find it so offensive when they offer me stupid patronizing platitudes like oh sweetie, its just gonna take a bit of time."

I was always strong.  I have been on my knees for years.  The chasm is so deep, so wide it is impossible to traverse. And you will slowly narrow your relationships to those who can offer at least some understanding of your loss.  You won't have enough energy for those who think this is like replacing your broken down car.  

And I have a bit of a tough time too understanding losses of family members versus our spouses but then there are some who never get the chance to have the kind of love that we experienced with someone we chose.  Both of my parents passed and so has my youngest brother but nothing holds a candle to the intimacy of loss that I had with my husband.  Its simply devastating and after this many years I am functioning better but the emotional me still breaks within about a 48 hour period.  Something always seems to trigger bringing his essence front and center and I cannot push it away until I cry and expend just a little more of life's energy trying to cross that threshold to reach him again.  I am exhausted on so many levels and anxious and hopeful I don't have long to have to keep questioning the need for my own existence.  

Comment by Monty on December 20, 2018 at 4:18pm

Hi Linda

That image is so poignant for this time of year and i think how most of us feel.

After my first anniversary yesterday, it was fine in the morning but in the afternoon it was quiet rough.

I'm hoping for a better day today, although not holding my breath, as I'm surrounded by teachers today who are celebrating christmas and the last day of term.

I'm going to have a sore tongue tomorrow from biting it today.

 

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Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
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New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is. Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
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Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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