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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Nancy on January 1, 2019 at 10:06am

I'm so sorry Joe.  I've been told God never gives us more than we can handle.  I don't believe that many days.   There are a lot of things I don't believe anymore since I lost my husband at the age of 67.  Bless you and your daughter.   

Comment by M Adams on December 29, 2018 at 1:19am

Joe, so sorry about your daughter’s illness — hope you were able to give her some comfort when you had dinner together.  Did you get a sense of anything you could do for her now that would please or help her?

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 26, 2018 at 10:07am

Joe,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I would change places with her in a heartbeat. I have to agree with you on WTF is god doing. He takes the people who want to live and leave the ones who want to die suffer.

Comment by morgan on December 25, 2018 at 10:24pm

Joe,  I cant even imagine how you must feel at this point with the news of your daughter.  I know when my husbands diagnosis of stage four cancer was dropped on us on the day after Xmas the world was ripped from me and I had no idea what was coming my way.  To this day I relive those moments of horror and now my only wish is to get sick like him so I too can pass.  Your daughter should not have this crisis of health befall her and yet the universe seems to be dishing out pain to anyone it feels needs more anguish.  

I sit here tonight knowing that there are millions of us crying out tears for the loss of our beloved and the continuing assault of other awful news is more than we should have to handle.  I am in total agreement with your last sentence in caps.  I have decided for myself that there is no such character as nothing could possibly claim benevolence and rain down such malevolence.  

I am so tired of trying to pretend I'm ok.  I am not and I wont be.  And here you are trying to survive when you are dealing with another blow to your heart.  I don't know what is going on in all of our lives but I am pretty sure it hurts more than I ever imagined.  

Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 25, 2018 at 5:16pm

Oh, Joe, I am so very sorry to hear that you are faced with such devastating news about your daughter! I am sending prayers of healing for her. You are already suffering the loss of your beloved wife, it is too much to be facing the possibility that your daughter may go before you. Prayers of courage and strength for you. 

I was going to wish all those celebrating a Merry Christmas, but this news makes it more difficult to wish that.

Be well, all of you on this forum. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 24, 2018 at 4:17pm

Today and Tomorrow mean nothing to me anymore. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 21, 2018 at 6:12am

Joe,

The picture of you and your lovely wife is just beautiful. You can see that special love you had and Morgan I too found my Husband on the bathroom floor, his eyes were open but he was in a coma and died 3 days later. He never spoke a word, but we shared our thoughts and feelings a week before he died. I just hate my existent in this world and just want to be with him. I am worth nothing since he passed.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 21, 2018 at 1:12am

Joe, 

Beautiful photo of you and the love of your life! The love you share/d comes through very strongly in the picture. The two of you look so very happy together.

Comment by morgan on December 20, 2018 at 10:29pm

Joe,  My husband died January 21, 2013, 8:48 am pronounced.  I found him on the floor of the bathroom.  Between the pre Thanksgiving time when he used to cook a magnificent meal just for the two of us, all through his time in the hospital during Xmas, through my January birthday until the day he died I now simply hide from the world.  Each year it has yet to be tolerable.  I just want an end to this pain of loss.  I function because I have to but I don't do it willingly.

And interestingly I see the affection you and your wife show in the picture you posted. I have similar ones where my husband and I always have our arms linked or touching each other or other kinds of loving gestures.  It pains me to know I cannot have that linkage now in this life.  I could never give myself to anyone else and I know my husband is my eternal soulmate.  I can hardly wait to cross over.  

Comment by morgan on December 20, 2018 at 10:20pm

Corinne,

You wrote "I am a pretty tough cookie of a woman but this has brought me to my knees. I have never ever experienced such a void or emptiness in my life. And these people in my life just don't get it. I find it so offensive when they offer me stupid patronizing platitudes like oh sweetie, its just gonna take a bit of time."

I was always strong.  I have been on my knees for years.  The chasm is so deep, so wide it is impossible to traverse. And you will slowly narrow your relationships to those who can offer at least some understanding of your loss.  You won't have enough energy for those who think this is like replacing your broken down car.  

And I have a bit of a tough time too understanding losses of family members versus our spouses but then there are some who never get the chance to have the kind of love that we experienced with someone we chose.  Both of my parents passed and so has my youngest brother but nothing holds a candle to the intimacy of loss that I had with my husband.  Its simply devastating and after this many years I am functioning better but the emotional me still breaks within about a 48 hour period.  Something always seems to trigger bringing his essence front and center and I cannot push it away until I cry and expend just a little more of life's energy trying to cross that threshold to reach him again.  I am exhausted on so many levels and anxious and hopeful I don't have long to have to keep questioning the need for my own existence.  

 

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Lauren A Fernandez is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Nancy, I am sure everyone in our group can relate."
6 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I relate to you all who have posted lately.  2 years for me.  2nd year was worse than the first as reality set in and shock lessened.  I am still in a trauma state of mind.  Forgetful, irritable, less patient.  I isolate…"
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Deanna N Nash added a discussion to the group surviving family members' murders
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Nothing feels real

My husband was brutly murdered 6 day ago and nothing feels real to me I'm still waiting to wake up or him to call me the pain is unbearable I don't know if I can go on anymore
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Deanna N Nash commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"6 days ago my husband and soulmate was brutly murdered and everyday gets a little harder I haven't seen him yet he's held up at the corners and I'm terrified to see him but I need to see him to convince my mind that this is real and…"
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Deanna N Nash joined Susie H's group
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Robin, thank you.  Bluebird was the honesty that i discovered on this site that made it possible for me to express what I go through.  Several others who write let me know too.  I tend to reach out here, particularly when I am…"
Saturday
Robin commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan - I lost my husband John, 9 years ago, when he was 46.  I come to this website every now & then, but have only commented a few times.  I relate most to you and Bluebird.  I can't believe it's been 9 years, and…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I really don't know what to say to all the newer people who come here looking for help and comfort because I have struggled for years. I did find an article written by a psychotherapist just the other day that made some sense to me about the…"
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Sharon batten posted a discussion

Missing my true love

My partner died 14 weeks ago and I am struggling big time without her, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left,
Friday
Sharon batten left a comment for Sharon batten
"I hate my life without her now I miss her so much, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left"
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Kathleen Jordan commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"Even though dream moon can't do grammar, I agree. It doesn't stop...it will hit at moments out of the clear blue....4 years, 9 years or 20.  It is a loss, and it's real."
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Kathleen Jordan added 2 discussions to the group What's Next?
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I do not know how to live this life without my mother either, but if there is one thing that I have learned, it's that I have no choice. Life comes for you regardless of whether or not we want to be a part of it."
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Kathleen Jordan commented on Kathleen Jordan's group What's Next?
"I have been a member of this site for a few years now, and one of the most depressing things I see is people that are lost in the loss. I have many friends IRL that I thought I understood; now I actually do. Folks that still are single after 20…"
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