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Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: Jul 7

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Monty on December 18, 2018 at 6:20pm

Corinne

i too am struggling with peoples expectations of me who mean well but ultimately they expectations do not enhance my life at all.

i am trying to focus only on things that enhance my life or the life of my loved ones (children / immediate family).

it is hard to remain focused on positive things when you are so sensitive to things that exacerbate your existing pain and trauma.

i wish you the best day you can have.

Warm regards Monty

Comment by Corinne C. Rico on December 18, 2018 at 4:25pm

I don't comment often but I do read many of the posts.  What I am finding particularly difficult after only losing the love of my life of 18 years back in September, is how people can compare the loss of a spouse to a a family member.  Do they not understand that you can't chose your family but our spouses are the ones that we chose and hoped to be with until we were old together?  Not to say that a family member loss is not meaningful, I am not saying that at all.  Its just different.  I also lost my Dad back in 2008, do I miss hime?  Of course I do I loved chatting with him.  I am blessed to still have my Mom and my sisblings but the relationship is entirely different.  The intimacy we had with our spouses is what we miss the most, the friendship, doing things together.  I have been crying for two days just thinking of how supportive he was in the delivery room when I gave birth to our daughter 15 years ago.  I will be honest, I am getting angry and resentful when people already after only 4 months are wondering why am I not better?  Are they kidding?  Every day is a fresh new hell for me without him being around.  I DO manage to DO things but not because I want to or have any desire to do them, but because I have no other choice.  Every morning I lay in bed not wanting to open my eyes or get up simply because I know he is not there.  I roll over in the middle of the night, put my hand out and the other side of the bed is cold and empty.  You all know what I am saying.  I am a pretty tough cookie of a woman but this has brought me to my knees.  I have never ever experienced such a void or emptiness in my life.  And these people in my life just don't get it.  I find it so offensive when they offer me stupid patronizing platitudes like oh sweetie, its just gonna take a bit of time.  For who?  Them?  Because my being ok again is going to make them ok?  Sigh, sorry, I needed to vent and this is the only place where I feel I am actually being heard and understood.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 18, 2018 at 4:10pm

One week to Christmas and I could care less without my beloved Husband Julian. It's just another day. In fact each day is the same as the next. Missing the love of my life. I am NOTHING without him. The attached is the last Christmas picture of him in 2013. He was there when I crossed the finish line in a 5K run on Christmas Eve. I am sograteful to have such a wonderful Husband.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:22am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:01am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 3:10pm
You are right people dont get it.The sadness never goes away.I am gratiful the support is here.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 2:09pm

Hi Denise,

I learned a lot of things on this forum. The important one is everyone found their true SOULMATE and lost them. The world just doesn't understand why we don't want to carry on without them. THEY WILL NEVER GET IT.

  

Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 2:03pm
The story about the whales is amazing.There are so many things about death I dont understand.I do know each day with out my husband is too hard to bear.I am very busy and active but l have a deep yearing to be with him.This will be the 3rd holiday with out him.Its like l am walking around with half a heart.one minute at a time.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 6:17am

Joe,

Thank you for your post. I like Morgan gave me a lift. I have often thought about suicide but have no intention of doing away with myself because of my religion. I will not take the chance of never seeing Julian again

I too do not go to the doctor's for anything. I have a living will so my whole family knows I do not want any medical help. Just let me die.

I also have pictures of him in every room in the house. The following quote is on the fig door.

Again thanks to everyone for sharing their posts.

Comment by morgan on December 13, 2018 at 9:29pm

Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.  

My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to walk alone to the exit if I decided to do it myself but I keep trying to wait out my own natural demise.  I too have no intention of going to a doctor.  No way.  And I have done a DNR and legal directives including a will etc.  

Monty,

I spent the first anniversary on a beach in Hawaii alone and as I walked on the sand I broke down crying and people came to my side and tried to comfort me and all of a sudden whales appeared and were breaching and singing all along, close to the shore.  Everyone kept saying they had never seen anything like it.  I know it was my husband as we were both very connected to the ocean and water and we lived there so it was very significant.  Just do whatever comes to you on that day.  It will be enough.

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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