Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue
Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.
It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue
Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.
I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue
Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.
next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue
Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.
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Hi Morgan,
Well said. "We crawl through the season while others celebrate" After six Christmases without my Julian I know deep down inside that nobody gives a Shit except this forum.
Yes, Linda, I am trying my best to avoid the triggers that surround me right now but I know what this is going to be like. Xmas Eve day I took my husband to the ER because he was filling sick and the day after Xmas we got his diagnosis of stage 4 cancer He lasted 27 days.
I am sending my sincere wishes that those of us who don't want to be here on earth without our spouses find a way to crawl through the season while others celebrate. I plan to hide.
morgan
Hi M Adams
christmas is a hard one. i think ill try and again to get some safety glasses and some nerf guns.
last year that seemed to work ok. couple drinks for the adults and let the kids shoot us and miss them mostly, it was a big hit.
also
some slapstick comedy (home alone , pink panther, grumpy old men and dennis the menace .. ect)
possibly even some youtube of robin williams
thats always uplifting.
apart from spending to much on presents for the kids.. i think it will be a small gathering.
I'm asking myself these days .. how doe this (insert action / idea) improve my life as a career / father / man this seems to be helping a little to ensure that i maximise my spending in what is a very expensive time.
I've also looking at some websites.
some of the websites may bee good for some people and or may have already seen them
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/loss-grief-and-manliness-wh...
i help every has the best day they can.
Monty, that is so true about the unforeseen sensitivity — so many things, words, places, thoughts are really painful now, makes it very tempting to withdraw. It’s not that I blame other people much, it is basically impossible for anyone outside the bereavement to imagine all the ways life can be traumatic now. For a while after my husband died I kept accidentally driving to the hospital, then suddenly realizing where I was going and getting very upset behind the wheel. I still avoid lots of places to avoid the pain and public tears, but you can’t really succeed. There’s a tailor in our neighbourhood where I always wanted to get my husband a handmade suit — one of those things where you wonder why you put it off. Now I try not to walk by that corner, but sometimes I forget.
Have you come up with ideas to enhance your experience this Christmas? I’m still struggling.
Hello Friends,
Thank you all for sharing you thoughts. yesterday morning I was talking with my neighbor outside about our Husbands. I looked up at the sky and there was a small rainbow, there were no clouds just a clear blue sky. I know it was a sign from him. Joe, the quote you give is exactly what I tell everyone, it is engraved on my body.
Corinne
i too am struggling with peoples expectations of me who mean well but ultimately they expectations do not enhance my life at all.
i am trying to focus only on things that enhance my life or the life of my loved ones (children / immediate family).
it is hard to remain focused on positive things when you are so sensitive to things that exacerbate your existing pain and trauma.
i wish you the best day you can have.
Warm regards Monty
Corinne,
We're living in hell and they can't understand that. Yes, it's for them to feel better about you. All but my children try the same thing. Get use to it and if they continue, Say "true love is forever, not till death do us part and until we are reunited, I will grieve him. And, if they come out with "he would had wanted....", say "did he tell you that?".
Share anything here, we are all in the same boat (hoping it sinks of course) Joe
Thanks for sharing that Linda. I've been exploring a web site and you might find it interesting.
Here is an example of an ADC published on the site:
Ted, a long-time patient of mine, passed on after suffering with lung cancer. His wife Elizabeth is a salt-of-the-earth Christian woman whom I have known for many years and trust completely. She told me about a unique shared ADC that happened after she prayed for a sign that Ted was at peace. In the first spring after Ted’s burial, the family planted flowers by his grave and videotaped the scenery. As soon as they arrived at the grave site, a sparrow flew to Ted’s monument and perched there, cocking its head and looking intently at the family.
Elizabeth remarked that it seemed as though the sparrow were trying to tell them something or that perhaps Ted’s soul was communicating through the bird. Throughout their visit, the same sparrow continued to chirp and hop on the grave stone. The family excitedly videotaped the bird with the idea of showing it to other family members. When they played the tape at home, however, there was the grave site, grass, trees, family members, and flowers—but no sparrow! They considered this anomaly to be a sign from Ted. This story also corroborates reports that spirit beings are difficult to capture on film.
Joe
I don't comment often but I do read many of the posts. What I am finding particularly difficult after only losing the love of my life of 18 years back in September, is how people can compare the loss of a spouse to a a family member. Do they not understand that you can't chose your family but our spouses are the ones that we chose and hoped to be with until we were old together? Not to say that a family member loss is not meaningful, I am not saying that at all. Its just different. I also lost my Dad back in 2008, do I miss hime? Of course I do I loved chatting with him. I am blessed to still have my Mom and my sisblings but the relationship is entirely different. The intimacy we had with our spouses is what we miss the most, the friendship, doing things together. I have been crying for two days just thinking of how supportive he was in the delivery room when I gave birth to our daughter 15 years ago. I will be honest, I am getting angry and resentful when people already after only 4 months are wondering why am I not better? Are they kidding? Every day is a fresh new hell for me without him being around. I DO manage to DO things but not because I want to or have any desire to do them, but because I have no other choice. Every morning I lay in bed not wanting to open my eyes or get up simply because I know he is not there. I roll over in the middle of the night, put my hand out and the other side of the bed is cold and empty. You all know what I am saying. I am a pretty tough cookie of a woman but this has brought me to my knees. I have never ever experienced such a void or emptiness in my life. And these people in my life just don't get it. I find it so offensive when they offer me stupid patronizing platitudes like oh sweetie, its just gonna take a bit of time. For who? Them? Because my being ok again is going to make them ok? Sigh, sorry, I needed to vent and this is the only place where I feel I am actually being heard and understood.
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