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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on December 18, 2018 at 4:10pm

One week to Christmas and I could care less without my beloved Husband Julian. It's just another day. In fact each day is the same as the next. Missing the love of my life. I am NOTHING without him. The attached is the last Christmas picture of him in 2013. He was there when I crossed the finish line in a 5K run on Christmas Eve. I am sograteful to have such a wonderful Husband.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:22am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:01am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by joe kelly on December 14, 2018 at 4:11pm

I feel compelled to share my feelings, beliefs and philosophical thoughts with all of you not only because we share the same bond of sufferings, wants, and hopes, but most of all we share the experience of true love for the one we lost here on earth. It's unimaginable, isn't it? How could it happen? Why? Why couldn't we live our love here just a little longer? A lot longer is more like it and I should had been the one to die first. But then she would had been the one suffering as I am now which isn't what I'd want either. Not that I believe she doesn't feel sad now watching me suffer, but she knows I will be coming to her, and knowing how much I truly love her, that sadness is lovingly blissful sadness and not suffering (I hope). I don't know when I will go to her, and I want it now. Why God? Am I to suffer for my past sins? OK, I'll accept that, but she was so good, why must she wait? She deserves the total joy of having me with her, even if she isn't suffering. I believe that had I'd gone first, God would had spared her the suffering because of her pure goodness. While I know (only because of my OBE by the way, and I wish you all had one), that I'll be with her forever someday, I'm stuck here unable to experience the interaction of the love we have for each other. To be continued, time to go to the cemetery.

How so unpredictably I can descend to the bottom of hell at any given moment and it often happens. It wasn't the visit to the cemetery, it started when I walked into a store afterwards. She normally would be walking the aisles with me and she wasn't there. And then when I went home, she wasn't there. Her physical presence not existing is unbearable. I cry and plead for something, anything, to see or hear to make her presence known to me. I know she exists spiritually, but at these times, it's not enough to comfort me. I lean on my OBE and know that she can't appear or make a sound. What starts to calm me down is knowing her unrelenting, unconditional, total love for me. She will stay with me spiritually till I come to her. I know that. Still, because I'm stuck here till God or whoever decides it's time, it's hellish not being with her. I am glad though that she can be with me for her comfort. I do believe that a spirit can choose not to be with someone but I know she chooses never to abandon me. Again, because I know her love for me and her death bed communication we had. Continued below...

Comment by joe kelly on December 14, 2018 at 4:11pm

Our world is governed by science and most scientists say if you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Yet most agree that there are many other dimensions we can't see or detect. Huh? I had great respect for Steven Hawkins at one time. He had a great mind but came to his own conclusion that there is no God, that everything came from nothing and there is no afterlife. He said he wasn't afraid of the darkness but wanted to do a lot more here before he goes. My own thoughts on that is he was right. For him, there was no afterlife. He went where he believed he would go; to oblivion. Now there's a guy who really could had used an OBE. Who knows? Maybe God had mercy and shown him the light when he died.

Writing is calming me down a little because it's making me focus on my experience. If you don't mind, I'll keep sharing my self. Thinking of my OBE, I was pure consciousness. No body but I could see. How? I don't know, because to see, don't I need eyes? I could move. I just willed it. I could think because I thought of my wife, which means I had a memory. That caused my will to dive back into my body. A memory with no brain? I couldn't be seen because that man would had seen me do that. I could feel; not physically, but that blissfulness. I believe, but not sure that I could had decided not to go back. I'm not sure, but I don't remember hearing anything.
The best description I can give is that I was like an invisible cloud or energy of some sort. LOL, I'm sure if some neurologist or scientist is reading this, he or she is rolling their eyes saying this guy is nuts. It all came from the brain like a dream. I must had dreamt that there was a man I couldn't had been able to see coming to me then and he was real. I even remember he wore a long sleeved white dress shirt, no tie, black dress shoes and navy blue pants.

With all this said, I try to imagine or perhaps philosophize what our reunion could be like. We will be pure consciousness, we will be able to see, move, and feel blissful love for one another because of our memory. But first, how will we know we are each other? The only thing I can think of is that she is waiting for me and will know I'm coming. She will be there. Our consciousness will attract each other and move to each other. She will be the first thing I see (or sense) using my memory and consciousness. What will we look like to each other? I really don't care as long as I know it's her but again perhaps our consciousness will decide how we see each other according to how we would like to see each other. Then again, perhaps we won't be able to see each other and just know we are with each other. Something that's one sided right now. How will we communicate? Perhaps conscious telepathy? There are many unknowns, but one thing I do know is that we will be together forever someday.

Peace and Love,
Joe

Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 3:10pm
You are right people dont get it.The sadness never goes away.I am gratiful the support is here.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 2:09pm

Hi Denise,

I learned a lot of things on this forum. The important one is everyone found their true SOULMATE and lost them. The world just doesn't understand why we don't want to carry on without them. THEY WILL NEVER GET IT.

  

Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 2:03pm
The story about the whales is amazing.There are so many things about death I dont understand.I do know each day with out my husband is too hard to bear.I am very busy and active but l have a deep yearing to be with him.This will be the 3rd holiday with out him.Its like l am walking around with half a heart.one minute at a time.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 6:17am

Joe,

Thank you for your post. I like Morgan gave me a lift. I have often thought about suicide but have no intention of doing away with myself because of my religion. I will not take the chance of never seeing Julian again

I too do not go to the doctor's for anything. I have a living will so my whole family knows I do not want any medical help. Just let me die.

I also have pictures of him in every room in the house. The following quote is on the fig door.

Again thanks to everyone for sharing their posts.

Comment by morgan on December 13, 2018 at 9:29pm

Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.  

My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to walk alone to the exit if I decided to do it myself but I keep trying to wait out my own natural demise.  I too have no intention of going to a doctor.  No way.  And I have done a DNR and legal directives including a will etc.  

Monty,

I spent the first anniversary on a beach in Hawaii alone and as I walked on the sand I broke down crying and people came to my side and tried to comfort me and all of a sudden whales appeared and were breaching and singing all along, close to the shore.  Everyone kept saying they had never seen anything like it.  I know it was my husband as we were both very connected to the ocean and water and we lived there so it was very significant.  Just do whatever comes to you on that day.  It will be enough.

 

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