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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by joe kelly on December 18, 2018 at 5:41pm

Corinne,

We're living in hell and they can't understand that.  Yes, it's for them to feel better about you.  All but my children try the same thing.  Get use to it and if they continue, Say "true love is forever, not till death do us part and until we are reunited, I will grieve him. And, if they come out with "he would had wanted....", say "did he tell you that?".

Share anything here, we are all in the same boat (hoping it sinks of course)  Joe

 

Comment by joe kelly on December 18, 2018 at 5:24pm

Thanks for sharing that Linda.  I've been exploring a web site and you might find it interesting.

https://www.soulproof.com/

Here is an example of an ADC published on the site:

Ted, a long-time patient of mine, passed on after suffering with lung cancer. His wife Elizabeth is a salt-of-the-earth Christian woman whom I have known for many years and trust completely. She told me about a unique shared ADC that happened after she prayed for a sign that Ted was at peace. In the first spring after Ted’s burial, the family planted flowers by his grave and videotaped the scenery. As soon as they arrived at the grave site, a sparrow flew to Ted’s monument and perched there, cocking its head and looking intently at the family.

Elizabeth remarked that it seemed as though the sparrow were trying to tell them something or that perhaps Ted’s soul was communicating through the bird. Throughout their visit, the same sparrow continued to chirp and hop on the grave stone. The family excitedly videotaped the bird with the idea of showing it to other family members. When they played the tape at home, however, there was the grave site, grass, trees, family members, and flowers—but no sparrow! They considered this anomaly to be a sign from Ted. This story also corroborates reports that spirit beings are difficult to capture on film.

Joe

Comment by Corinne C. Rico on December 18, 2018 at 4:25pm

I don't comment often but I do read many of the posts.  What I am finding particularly difficult after only losing the love of my life of 18 years back in September, is how people can compare the loss of a spouse to a a family member.  Do they not understand that you can't chose your family but our spouses are the ones that we chose and hoped to be with until we were old together?  Not to say that a family member loss is not meaningful, I am not saying that at all.  Its just different.  I also lost my Dad back in 2008, do I miss hime?  Of course I do I loved chatting with him.  I am blessed to still have my Mom and my sisblings but the relationship is entirely different.  The intimacy we had with our spouses is what we miss the most, the friendship, doing things together.  I have been crying for two days just thinking of how supportive he was in the delivery room when I gave birth to our daughter 15 years ago.  I will be honest, I am getting angry and resentful when people already after only 4 months are wondering why am I not better?  Are they kidding?  Every day is a fresh new hell for me without him being around.  I DO manage to DO things but not because I want to or have any desire to do them, but because I have no other choice.  Every morning I lay in bed not wanting to open my eyes or get up simply because I know he is not there.  I roll over in the middle of the night, put my hand out and the other side of the bed is cold and empty.  You all know what I am saying.  I am a pretty tough cookie of a woman but this has brought me to my knees.  I have never ever experienced such a void or emptiness in my life.  And these people in my life just don't get it.  I find it so offensive when they offer me stupid patronizing platitudes like oh sweetie, its just gonna take a bit of time.  For who?  Them?  Because my being ok again is going to make them ok?  Sigh, sorry, I needed to vent and this is the only place where I feel I am actually being heard and understood.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 18, 2018 at 4:10pm

One week to Christmas and I could care less without my beloved Husband Julian. It's just another day. In fact each day is the same as the next. Missing the love of my life. I am NOTHING without him. The attached is the last Christmas picture of him in 2013. He was there when I crossed the finish line in a 5K run on Christmas Eve. I am sograteful to have such a wonderful Husband.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:22am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:01am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by joe kelly on December 14, 2018 at 4:11pm

I feel compelled to share my feelings, beliefs and philosophical thoughts with all of you not only because we share the same bond of sufferings, wants, and hopes, but most of all we share the experience of true love for the one we lost here on earth. It's unimaginable, isn't it? How could it happen? Why? Why couldn't we live our love here just a little longer? A lot longer is more like it and I should had been the one to die first. But then she would had been the one suffering as I am now which isn't what I'd want either. Not that I believe she doesn't feel sad now watching me suffer, but she knows I will be coming to her, and knowing how much I truly love her, that sadness is lovingly blissful sadness and not suffering (I hope). I don't know when I will go to her, and I want it now. Why God? Am I to suffer for my past sins? OK, I'll accept that, but she was so good, why must she wait? She deserves the total joy of having me with her, even if she isn't suffering. I believe that had I'd gone first, God would had spared her the suffering because of her pure goodness. While I know (only because of my OBE by the way, and I wish you all had one), that I'll be with her forever someday, I'm stuck here unable to experience the interaction of the love we have for each other. To be continued, time to go to the cemetery.

How so unpredictably I can descend to the bottom of hell at any given moment and it often happens. It wasn't the visit to the cemetery, it started when I walked into a store afterwards. She normally would be walking the aisles with me and she wasn't there. And then when I went home, she wasn't there. Her physical presence not existing is unbearable. I cry and plead for something, anything, to see or hear to make her presence known to me. I know she exists spiritually, but at these times, it's not enough to comfort me. I lean on my OBE and know that she can't appear or make a sound. What starts to calm me down is knowing her unrelenting, unconditional, total love for me. She will stay with me spiritually till I come to her. I know that. Still, because I'm stuck here till God or whoever decides it's time, it's hellish not being with her. I am glad though that she can be with me for her comfort. I do believe that a spirit can choose not to be with someone but I know she chooses never to abandon me. Again, because I know her love for me and her death bed communication we had. Continued below...

Comment by joe kelly on December 14, 2018 at 4:11pm

Our world is governed by science and most scientists say if you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Yet most agree that there are many other dimensions we can't see or detect. Huh? I had great respect for Steven Hawkins at one time. He had a great mind but came to his own conclusion that there is no God, that everything came from nothing and there is no afterlife. He said he wasn't afraid of the darkness but wanted to do a lot more here before he goes. My own thoughts on that is he was right. For him, there was no afterlife. He went where he believed he would go; to oblivion. Now there's a guy who really could had used an OBE. Who knows? Maybe God had mercy and shown him the light when he died.

Writing is calming me down a little because it's making me focus on my experience. If you don't mind, I'll keep sharing my self. Thinking of my OBE, I was pure consciousness. No body but I could see. How? I don't know, because to see, don't I need eyes? I could move. I just willed it. I could think because I thought of my wife, which means I had a memory. That caused my will to dive back into my body. A memory with no brain? I couldn't be seen because that man would had seen me do that. I could feel; not physically, but that blissfulness. I believe, but not sure that I could had decided not to go back. I'm not sure, but I don't remember hearing anything.
The best description I can give is that I was like an invisible cloud or energy of some sort. LOL, I'm sure if some neurologist or scientist is reading this, he or she is rolling their eyes saying this guy is nuts. It all came from the brain like a dream. I must had dreamt that there was a man I couldn't had been able to see coming to me then and he was real. I even remember he wore a long sleeved white dress shirt, no tie, black dress shoes and navy blue pants.

With all this said, I try to imagine or perhaps philosophize what our reunion could be like. We will be pure consciousness, we will be able to see, move, and feel blissful love for one another because of our memory. But first, how will we know we are each other? The only thing I can think of is that she is waiting for me and will know I'm coming. She will be there. Our consciousness will attract each other and move to each other. She will be the first thing I see (or sense) using my memory and consciousness. What will we look like to each other? I really don't care as long as I know it's her but again perhaps our consciousness will decide how we see each other according to how we would like to see each other. Then again, perhaps we won't be able to see each other and just know we are with each other. Something that's one sided right now. How will we communicate? Perhaps conscious telepathy? There are many unknowns, but one thing I do know is that we will be together forever someday.

Peace and Love,
Joe

Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 3:10pm
You are right people dont get it.The sadness never goes away.I am gratiful the support is here.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 2:09pm

Hi Denise,

I learned a lot of things on this forum. The important one is everyone found their true SOULMATE and lost them. The world just doesn't understand why we don't want to carry on without them. THEY WILL NEVER GET IT.

  

 

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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
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"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."
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