Lost My Spouse...

Members: 372
Latest Activity: Jun 25

Discussion Forum

Today is the anniversary of my wedding day 2 Replies

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been…Continue

Started by Carol Klotz. Last reply by Carol Klotz May 3.

Lost my light in the darkness 2 Replies

I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the…Continue

Started by Shane Hughes. Last reply by Shane Hughes Apr 16.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 5 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Wendy Apr 7.

My Love 1 Reply

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West. Last reply by Anna Chris Apr 7.

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Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 3:10pm
You are right people dont get it.The sadness never goes away.I am gratiful the support is here.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 2:09pm

Hi Denise,

I learned a lot of things on this forum. The important one is everyone found their true SOULMATE and lost them. The world just doesn't understand why we don't want to carry on without them. THEY WILL NEVER GET IT.


Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 2:03pm
The story about the whales is amazing.There are so many things about death I dont understand.I do know each day with out my husband is too hard to bear.I am very busy and active but l have a deep yearing to be with him.This will be the 3rd holiday with out him.Its like l am walking around with half a minute at a time.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 6:17am


Thank you for your post. I like Morgan gave me a lift. I have often thought about suicide but have no intention of doing away with myself because of my religion. I will not take the chance of never seeing Julian again

I too do not go to the doctor's for anything. I have a living will so my whole family knows I do not want any medical help. Just let me die.

I also have pictures of him in every room in the house. The following quote is on the fig door.

Again thanks to everyone for sharing their posts.

Comment by morgan on December 13, 2018 at 9:29pm

Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.  

My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to walk alone to the exit if I decided to do it myself but I keep trying to wait out my own natural demise.  I too have no intention of going to a doctor.  No way.  And I have done a DNR and legal directives including a will etc.  


I spent the first anniversary on a beach in Hawaii alone and as I walked on the sand I broke down crying and people came to my side and tried to comfort me and all of a sudden whales appeared and were breaching and singing all along, close to the shore.  Everyone kept saying they had never seen anything like it.  I know it was my husband as we were both very connected to the ocean and water and we lived there so it was very significant.  Just do whatever comes to you on that day.  It will be enough.

Comment by Monty on December 13, 2018 at 7:44pm

joe that is incredible.

thanks for the time and energy sharing.

i think ill look at some of your suggestions and see what will work for me.

for me this week has been hard.

1 week until first anniversary of her death, i don't know what to expect or how i will cope.

the other day i slept straight thought the alarm for the first time in over 5 years.  that tells me i'm not myself at the moment..

i'm just doing what i need to for work and my boys until i find something worth doing, something enjoyable.

I'm hopeful, but not expecting

i hope every one has the best day the can.

Kind thoughts and wishes.

regards monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2018 at 2:11pm

Thanks Bluebird for nice comment about my Julian. He was so caring and was my rock. Being with him for 24/7 for 13 years of our retirement was bliss, I thank God for this time together. 

Morgan & Joe I keep believing there is eternal love after death. When I take my last breath my thoughts will be only of him. 

Comment by morgan on December 13, 2018 at 1:09pm


I read your words and it brings me to my knees.  I so want to join my husband.  As the years are passing I feel the need more and more.  I am not sure I understand totally how your OBE has given you more faith that somehow we will be reunited but I hope it will be so because the pain of not knowing here on earth is crushing me.  

I try to convince myself that he is "waiting" for me but then because we don't know what place we inhabit when we die (other than what you reference as blissful and at peace)  I have a problem tying that bliss to having the kind of visceral need for him that I have now.  What it does is making me more and more anxious to leave here.  

Am I suicidal?  I wouldnt call it that.  Its not that I cant stand life, its that I am anxious to die.  I can't have my husband here ever again and because it is the only thing I think about day in and out I simply find it more advantageous to die.  

I have no idea if this makes sense.  I only know that deep in my self I have no further need for this corporal body existence because it does nothing to give me "life".  I cannot enjoy anything here because he is not with me.  I've tried and when I play act and pretend to get excited, or feign happiness I get mad at myself because I know its all a lie.  Then I want to cry because I know I am not being truthful to myself or others.

I'm tired of having to do everything that means nothing.  

Comment by bluebird on December 13, 2018 at 10:26am
Your Julian looks like such a nice man in that photo; what a lovely smile!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you are right.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2018 at 6:39am

Hi Bluebird,

I am so glad that the folks on this forum feel the same way I do. Society is always trying to label people, if we don't agree with them they think we are weird or crazy. My sweet Husband Julian taught me to ignore what other people say and live my life as I choose to. God Bless Him.


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