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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:22am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 15, 2018 at 7:01am

Joe,

Thank You so much for sharing you OBE. I have read a lot of books on it and saw the movie Heaven is for Real. The one book I like is Hello from Heave by Bill & Judy Guggenheim. 

Two days after my Husband died I had 1 message on my answering machine. It was from my Sister. After I listened to her message there was some static and my Husband's voice came on, he said "Let's Go". I called my sister right after on my cell and told her to listen to his voice but she heard nothing. I played it three times and she still heard nothing. I know it was him and the message was only for me. 

I know I will see him again but like you say in what form. No matter what form I will know him.

Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 3:10pm
You are right people dont get it.The sadness never goes away.I am gratiful the support is here.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 2:09pm

Hi Denise,

I learned a lot of things on this forum. The important one is everyone found their true SOULMATE and lost them. The world just doesn't understand why we don't want to carry on without them. THEY WILL NEVER GET IT.

  

Comment by Denise Lavoie on December 14, 2018 at 2:03pm
The story about the whales is amazing.There are so many things about death I dont understand.I do know each day with out my husband is too hard to bear.I am very busy and active but l have a deep yearing to be with him.This will be the 3rd holiday with out him.Its like l am walking around with half a heart.one minute at a time.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2018 at 6:17am

Joe,

Thank you for your post. I like Morgan gave me a lift. I have often thought about suicide but have no intention of doing away with myself because of my religion. I will not take the chance of never seeing Julian again

I too do not go to the doctor's for anything. I have a living will so my whole family knows I do not want any medical help. Just let me die.

I also have pictures of him in every room in the house. The following quote is on the fig door.

Again thanks to everyone for sharing their posts.

Comment by morgan on December 13, 2018 at 9:29pm

Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.  

My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to walk alone to the exit if I decided to do it myself but I keep trying to wait out my own natural demise.  I too have no intention of going to a doctor.  No way.  And I have done a DNR and legal directives including a will etc.  

Monty,

I spent the first anniversary on a beach in Hawaii alone and as I walked on the sand I broke down crying and people came to my side and tried to comfort me and all of a sudden whales appeared and were breaching and singing all along, close to the shore.  Everyone kept saying they had never seen anything like it.  I know it was my husband as we were both very connected to the ocean and water and we lived there so it was very significant.  Just do whatever comes to you on that day.  It will be enough.

Comment by Monty on December 13, 2018 at 7:44pm

joe that is incredible.

thanks for the time and energy sharing.

i think ill look at some of your suggestions and see what will work for me.

for me this week has been hard.

1 week until first anniversary of her death, i don't know what to expect or how i will cope.

the other day i slept straight thought the alarm for the first time in over 5 years.  that tells me i'm not myself at the moment..

i'm just doing what i need to for work and my boys until i find something worth doing, something enjoyable.

I'm hopeful, but not expecting

i hope every one has the best day the can.

Kind thoughts and wishes.

regards monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2018 at 2:11pm

Thanks Bluebird for nice comment about my Julian. He was so caring and was my rock. Being with him for 24/7 for 13 years of our retirement was bliss, I thank God for this time together. 

Morgan & Joe I keep believing there is eternal love after death. When I take my last breath my thoughts will be only of him. 

Comment by morgan on December 13, 2018 at 1:09pm

Joe,

I read your words and it brings me to my knees.  I so want to join my husband.  As the years are passing I feel the need more and more.  I am not sure I understand totally how your OBE has given you more faith that somehow we will be reunited but I hope it will be so because the pain of not knowing here on earth is crushing me.  

I try to convince myself that he is "waiting" for me but then because we don't know what place we inhabit when we die (other than what you reference as blissful and at peace)  I have a problem tying that bliss to having the kind of visceral need for him that I have now.  What it does is making me more and more anxious to leave here.  

Am I suicidal?  I wouldnt call it that.  Its not that I cant stand life, its that I am anxious to die.  I can't have my husband here ever again and because it is the only thing I think about day in and out I simply find it more advantageous to die.  

I have no idea if this makes sense.  I only know that deep in my self I have no further need for this corporal body existence because it does nothing to give me "life".  I cannot enjoy anything here because he is not with me.  I've tried and when I play act and pretend to get excited, or feign happiness I get mad at myself because I know its all a lie.  Then I want to cry because I know I am not being truthful to myself or others.

I'm tired of having to do everything that means nothing.  

 

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Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
yesterday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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