Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by joe kelly on December 13, 2018 at 8:14am

Dear Bluebird,

It is impossible for us to know for absolutely sure what exactly happens when we die.  Oh, how I would love her to appear before me and tell me she's here and waiting for me, but I also know that she can't do that because she isn't material anymore.  She is Spirit, something we can't see.  Thinking back to my OBE, my first thought was how blissful I felt and that I could stay here forever.  Then, she came to my consciousness and I had to go back.  What if I didn't think of that?  Would that had been my eternity?  Blissfulness?  What if our final thought is where we stay eternally?

While she was dying in my arms, I asked her if she believed that we will be together forever?  She shook her head yes.  I told her she won't wait long for me.  She died a few seconds later.  I believe that was a final thought she had and is waiting for me.  I often think what's long where she is and hope these last almost 11 months are like seconds to her.

This is where faith comes into play, at least for me supported by my OBE.  My final thought will be going to her to be with and adore her forever.  Do I sometimes wonder?  Do I want to know for sure?  Yes.  But then I again go back to my OBE.  If it happened to me, it happened to her.  She couldn't come back and her final consciousness was that I will someday be with her forever.  She's waiting for me and I will always believe that.  Another thing my OBE proved to me is that I could see and move.  Therefore, I believe where ever I go, she goes and sees me.  I know that no one could see me and that's a reason why I can't see her.

Push the doubt away and concentrate on what your dying thought will be.  That you will be joining him for all eternity.

Peace & Love,


Comment by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2018 at 6:39am

Hi Bluebird,

I am so glad that the folks on this forum feel the same way I do. Society is always trying to label people, if we don't agree with them they think we are weird or crazy. My sweet Husband Julian taught me to ignore what other people say and live my life as I choose to. God Bless Him.

Comment by bluebird on December 12, 2018 at 11:22pm
Sorry, I meant Linda and Monty and Joe.
Comment by bluebird on December 12, 2018 at 11:21pm
I fully agree with you both, Linda and Monty. My deep and abiding grief is the only response I could possibly have to my husband's death. My soulmate was torn from me, and I don't know if his wonderful soul still exists, or if I will ever see him again or if we will ever be together again. Why/how could anyone expect me to react in any other way?!?
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2018 at 3:40pm


I couldn't agree with you more.

Comment by joe kelly on December 12, 2018 at 12:52pm

It's TRUE ETERNAL LOVE too complicated for therapists and a majority of our society to diminish.  To them, there's something wrong with us.  The only answer I can comprehend is that they never actually experienced it.  So just who has something wrong with them?

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2018 at 7:13am

Hi Monty,

Complicated grief to me is just a label because I refuse to get over my grief which is the norm. Most of the people on this site understand each other because we do not fall into the norm of grieving.

Comment by Monty on December 12, 2018 at 4:08am

this is my first anniversary  of my wife death.   I'm finding it harder the closer i get to the anniversary of carols passing, i feel less emotional stable and more prone to becoming over whelmed with emotion

i hope that i can find some useful and meaning full thing in the impending anniversary 

Comment by Monty on December 12, 2018 at 3:47am

thanks M Adams for the link.

it was interesting to see the definition in clear english.

I feel that i fall somewhere in the middle between.


Comment by M Adams on December 11, 2018 at 7:30pm

Some recent comments and queries on here about complicated grief got me looking around the other areas of, where I did eventually spot a relevant link...turned out that the link needed updating, but the content was still available.

A couple of counsellor types over the last few years have said that I'm in the complicated grief group —thought I more or less understood what they meant, so it was quite surprising to read this, which describes something almost opposite to what I thought of as "complicated grief." Does seem, as has been mentioned on this site and as this article also indicates, that it is not at all a precisely used term, so guess it’s best not to worry about nomenclature.

For me, I know that I'm not coping the way my husband, and now my mother, would expect, but I am still trying. My tendency these days, coming up on the third Christmas without my husband, and now without my mother as well, is to go back and forth between accepting myself and pushing myself. I've had lots of chances recently to see how differently people grieve, and find it's really important to consciously acknowledge that. I miss my husband so much, in so many ways, and still feel somehow stunned that now my mother is also gone.  Part of me just wants to do nothing, see no one, especially in terms of Christmas — and because that’s how I feel, it is hard for me to interact with all the people in my life who are keen to distract themselves ...with parties, concerts, whatever.  It’s not that I want to be the annoying downer spoiling everyone’s enjoyment, in fact I find that aspect really embarrassing — it’s just that I don’t get how they can bear it, just weeks or months after losing someone so beloved.  Really I’m indulging myself by avoiding a lot of social interactions.  Basically, people are so different — we can't see what's inside other people's hearts or why they do and say the (sometimes awful) things they say and do.


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Trina Mamoon left a comment for morgan
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   "
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."

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