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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by bluebird on December 12, 2018 at 11:21pm
I fully agree with you both, Linda and Monty. My deep and abiding grief is the only response I could possibly have to my husband's death. My soulmate was torn from me, and I don't know if his wonderful soul still exists, or if I will ever see him again or if we will ever be together again. Why/how could anyone expect me to react in any other way?!?
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2018 at 3:40pm

Joe,

I couldn't agree with you more.

Comment by joe kelly on December 12, 2018 at 12:52pm

It's TRUE ETERNAL LOVE too complicated for therapists and a majority of our society to diminish.  To them, there's something wrong with us.  The only answer I can comprehend is that they never actually experienced it.  So just who has something wrong with them?

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2018 at 7:13am

Hi Monty,

Complicated grief to me is just a label because I refuse to get over my grief which is the norm. Most of the people on this site understand each other because we do not fall into the norm of grieving.

Comment by Monty on December 12, 2018 at 4:08am

this is my first anniversary  of my wife death.   I'm finding it harder the closer i get to the anniversary of carols passing, i feel less emotional stable and more prone to becoming over whelmed with emotion

i hope that i can find some useful and meaning full thing in the impending anniversary 

Comment by Monty on December 12, 2018 at 3:47am

thanks M Adams for the link.

it was interesting to see the definition in clear english.

I feel that i fall somewhere in the middle between.

 

Comment by M Adams on December 11, 2018 at 7:30pm

Some recent comments and queries on here about complicated grief got me looking around the other areas of onlinegriefsupport.com, where I did eventually spot a relevant link...turned out that the link needed updating, but the content was still available.


https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/~...

A couple of counsellor types over the last few years have said that I'm in the complicated grief group —thought I more or less understood what they meant, so it was quite surprising to read this, which describes something almost opposite to what I thought of as "complicated grief." Does seem, as has been mentioned on this site and as this article also indicates, that it is not at all a precisely used term, so guess it’s best not to worry about nomenclature.

For me, I know that I'm not coping the way my husband, and now my mother, would expect, but I am still trying. My tendency these days, coming up on the third Christmas without my husband, and now without my mother as well, is to go back and forth between accepting myself and pushing myself. I've had lots of chances recently to see how differently people grieve, and find it's really important to consciously acknowledge that. I miss my husband so much, in so many ways, and still feel somehow stunned that now my mother is also gone.  Part of me just wants to do nothing, see no one, especially in terms of Christmas — and because that’s how I feel, it is hard for me to interact with all the people in my life who are keen to distract themselves ...with parties, concerts, whatever.  It’s not that I want to be the annoying downer spoiling everyone’s enjoyment, in fact I find that aspect really embarrassing — it’s just that I don’t get how they can bear it, just weeks or months after losing someone so beloved.  Really I’m indulging myself by avoiding a lot of social interactions.  Basically, people are so different — we can't see what's inside other people's hearts or why they do and say the (sometimes awful) things they say and do.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 3, 2018 at 3:30pm

Hi Joe

You still have a wedding anniversary. Just because she is in Heaven and you are on Earth you still celebrate it together. That is the way I think when I celebrate any key event that happened in our lives. The attached poem is why I believe.

Comment by Monty on December 3, 2018 at 3:17pm

Hey Joe.

so sorry to hear of your over whelming sadness and longing to be back with her.

i hope you day gets better.

kindest thoughts and wishes

regards Monty

Comment by joe kelly on December 3, 2018 at 1:56pm

Today is our 49th wedding anniversary.  I woke up and wished her happy anniversary.  I day dreamed this morning that I might die and go to her today because of a dream I had night before last.  She had to ask someone for permission for us to go to a particular room.  It was very vague but this morning I thought that maybe she had to ask God if I could come so that started my day dream.  I had planned to decorate our headstone and her parents stone next to ours.  I did that and then sat for two hours hoping that somehow my heart would stop beating.  I guess if my dream meant anything, God said no because here I am back at home, or I should say Hell, without her.  Last year we spent TG, our 48th, Christmas, & NY knowing it would be our last here on earth.  

I know she's waiting for me.  All last Spring, the guys at the cemetery had trouble growing grass over her.  They tried reseeding twice and no good on her side.  I have a double plot and buried my father in it back in 1990.  She's down next to him, I'll be on top of her.  In September, the guys put new dirt and reseeded the entire plot.  My father's side has nice dark green grass, but her side and it's looks rectangular the size and where her casket would be, has patchy, light light green grass that doen't look like it's going to take.  I keep saying to her, "you're not going to let that grass grow till I'm there with, right?".  Kind of hoping that means I'll be there before this Spring when they try to reseed the area again.

I can't even think straight enough to write anymore but feel sad for all of you knowing you feel the same as me but to each of us the pain is worse than anyone else's.  If that makes any sense.

Let's all just pray for each other to get where ever they are.

love to all,

Joe 

     

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
40 minutes ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
42 minutes ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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5 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
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Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
17 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
18 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
20 hours ago
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yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
yesterday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think thats what she meant anyway."
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"she posted an answer in Blog.  We're ok as long as we don't check that box and sign into twitter.  Only those who do have their posts appear there."
Thursday
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"did  a quick search for  "No Idea Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Twitter. I didn't find anything maybe that it has the ability to share via twitter. and may not be shared by default. maybe we should try and contact the…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just sent a message to the admin/owner of the site......I'lll let you know the response."
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